Welcome to the wonderful world of dating an older man! But if you’re considering dating an older man, you may have heard some cautionary tales of potential red flags.
While it’s important to be aware of potential issues, don’t let the horror stories scare you off!
With the right attitude and communication, you can navigate any potential red flags and enjoy a successful relationship with an older man.
So before getting too deep into this relationship, make sure to keep your eyes peeled for any of these warning signs.
Here are a few ideas to keep in mind when it comes to red flags and dating an older man.
20 Surprising Red Flags When Dating An Older Man
If you’re constantly thinking, ‘‘Why am I attracted to older men?’’ don’t worry – we have a list of red flags when dating an older man that will make you run for your life.
After you read some of these red flags, you definitely won’t think the same about older guys. So let’s see what can make them so undesirable!
1. He wants to marry you immediately
When an older man wants to marry you immediately, it should be seen as a big red flag.
It’s one thing to develop a strong connection with someone and feel as though you could spend a lifetime together, but it’s another to jump straight into marriage without taking the time to build a true foundation for that relationship.
Maybe the older man you’re seeing is looking for a quick fix for his loneliness and sees you as the solution. Or, it could be that he’s trying to cover up his questionable past and sees marriage as the best way to do that.
Either way, don’t run into this too fast because there are many disadvantages to marrying an older man.
2. He is depressed
Single old men can be prone to depression due to a variety of factors. They may feel lonely, lack purpose, or feel like their lives are lacking in meaningful relationships.
For them, loneliness can be particularly hard to deal with. As they age, they may find themselves without companionship and may begin to feel isolated.
This can lead to feelings of depression and sadness, as they may not have anyone to talk to or share their memories and experiences with.
Are you dating an older man who is emotionally unavailable? If so, it’s absolutely a red flag!
Emotionally unavailable men are difficult to get to know and can be hard to love. They often don’t reveal their feelings or show any emotion, which can make it difficult to form a connection.
At first, it may seem like your partner is the perfect catch. They may be charming, charismatic, and attentive, but if they shut down when it comes to discussing their feelings, it’s a sign they aren’t ready for a new relationship.
4. Peter Pan syndrome
If you’re dating an older man and he shows signs of Peter Pan syndrome, it should definitely raise a red flag!
Peter Pan syndrome is a condition in which an adult man never truly grows up. He may be childish, immature, irresponsible, and extremely selfish.
They may also have difficulty forming meaningful relationships and rely on others for emotional support. If your older man displays any of these traits, it’s a definite red flag. It’s a sign he isn’t ready to take on the responsibilities that come with a serious relationship.
He may be unable to provide emotional support when needed or even handle the basic tasks of day-to-day life.
5. Different life perspectives
Have you ever found yourself dating someone much older than you, only to discover that you don’t share the same life perspectives? If so, you’ve just encountered a big red flag!
It’s true that age doesn’t always equal wisdom, but when it comes to dating someone older, it’s important to make sure that your life perspectives are aligned.
Otherwise, you might find yourself in a situation where you’re constantly at odds with your significant other – and that’s not a healthy relationship.
Age differences can create a divide in how you both see the world, and if your relationship is going to last, it’s important to find ways to bridge that gap.
6. Different sex drives
When you and your partner don’t have the same sex drives, it’s definitely one of the dating red flags. But why is this something to look out for?
Well, for starters, it’s important to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with your partner, and if you don’t have the same sex drives, it can make that difficult.
Sex is a huge part of any romantic relationship, and it’s important to find a way to keep the spark alive.
Yes, he may be a nice guy, but when one partner is constantly looking for more sex than the other, it can be a source of tension and frustration. This can lead to resentment, insecurity, and even anger.
7. He’s critical of you
Older men are often more critical of their partners than their younger counterparts.
This isn’t necessarily an age thing but a maturity thing: older men have been around the block a few times and know what they’re looking for.
So, what is it about older men that make them so critical when dating? Well, one of the main reasons is that older men are more aware of the dating landscape.
They’ve seen it all before, and they’ve had their fair share of experiences. As a result, they’re pickier when it comes to who they date.
8. He’s overly controlling and possessive
Being possessive is okay if it’s in small doses. Sure, it might seem like a harmless sign of affection that he’s overly protective of you, but it can quickly spiral into an unhealthy relationship if it’s not nipped in the bud.
Controlling behavior and possessiveness can take many forms. He might try to dictate what you wear, who you hang out with, or where you go.
He could also be overly jealous of your time and energy, trying to monopolize it all for himself. No matter how much he loves you, a guy you’re dating should never control you!
9. History of failed relationships
A person’s previous relationships can tell you a lot about them and their ability to form meaningful connections.
A pattern of failed relationships could suggest a number of problems, such as difficulty communicating, a lack of commitment, or difficulty resolving conflicts.
It’s also important to remember that some people may have had bad luck in the past, and that doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or bad partner.
Bottom line: if you’re looking for a successful relationship, it’s a red flag when someone has a history of failed relationships, but that doesn’t mean they’re a lost cause.
10. He isn’t open to new experiences
When you’re with someone who is stuck in their ways, it can be difficult to try new things together.
You might have to go it alone, or worse, never get to experience something new. This could lead to a lot of tension and arguments down the line.
Often, when someone is set in their ways, it’s because they’ve been doing the same things for years and feel comfortable with it.
A 20-year-old who’s never had a sip of alcohol might feel the same way. But if your partner is in their 40s and they’re still adamant about never trying something new, that’s a red flag.
11. He treats you like a child
While some older men might be more nurturing and want to take care of you, others might take advantage of your youth and inexperience.
First, ask yourself if this is how he treats other people his age. If the answer is yes, then it might just be his personality, and it might not be a big red flag.
However, if he only treats you like a child and not other people his age, then it’s worth considering why. He may think that you aren’t mature enough or that he has more life experience.
Also, because of the huge age gap, he may have developed a superiority complex, which could be a sign of underlying insecurity. Or he’s trying to control you? Either way…run from him, girl!
12. He doesn’t want to change
When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to recognize that life is constantly changing.
People grow and evolve, and being in a relationship means being willing to grow and change together. However, if your older partner doesn’t want to change, it’s a red flag.
The reality is that as we age, our perspectives and goals can shift. We can move through different stages in life, and if your partner isn’t willing to change and adapt with you, there is no future for your relationship.
However, an older man probably doesn’t want to change because he’s now comfortable with how he’s living his life. Anything other than that would be a disturbance to his peace.
13. Constant gaslighting
One of the biggest red flags when dating a man in his 40s is the constant gaslighting you’re probably going to experience every day.
Trust me, this isn’t about you – other women experience exactly the same thing. While an age gap can bring challenges, you should know when boundaries are being crossed.
He might be trying to take advantage of your age gap, using his experience and years to make you feel small and powerless or like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
In such cases, the only reasonable thing is to run away from him ASAP!
14. He can’t commit
When you’re dating an older man, it can feel like a dream come true. Older men come with a wealth of life experience, knowledge, and wisdom.
You may be ready to take your relationship to the next level, but if he’s not ready to commit, it’s a sign of commitment issues.
He probably isn’t over his last breakup, or the past relationship left some wounds he cannot heal. An older man may have been through a few relationships and been hurt in the past, making it harder for him to trust again.
Don’t waste your time on someone who’s not ready for commitment. It’s not fair to you, and it won’t lead to a lasting relationship.
15. Drinking or drug use
When it comes to entering the dating scene, there are a few red flags to look out for.
Excessive drinking and drug use can be a warning sign of several issues, including an unhealthy lifestyle, substance abuse, and an inability to handle stress or relationships.
If your relationship with an older man includes these activities, it may be time to put a stop to it. They usually do this out of desperation when hard and lonely times kick in.
However, these things don’t only affect him but your mental health as well. The longer you are in this relationship, the worst it will be. Don’t try to change him – you’re not a rehabilitation center!
16. He makes you feel embarrassed
Are you dating an older man and starting to feel embarrassed? If so, this could be a red flag that you need to pay attention to. No matter the age gap, you should never feel embarrassed by your partner.
Older men tend to be more experienced in the dating world and can be more assertive when it comes to getting their way.
This can sometimes lead to them making you feel embarrassed to get what they want.
It could be something as small as making a joke at your expense or something more serious like trying to pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.
17. He has kids
Of course, there is nothing wrong with having kids, but some women aren’t ready to take on that kind of responsibility and think it is a big deal. How come?
If he’s an active parent, he might not have enough time for you because kids often require a lot of time, attention, and energy.
Also, an older man who has kids is likely to have his life already planned out and be set in his ways. This could make it difficult for you to adjust to his lifestyle or for him to adjust to yours.
18. He compares you to his ex
One of the most obvious signs that something is wrong is when your older man starts talking about his ex on your first date.
However, the biggest red flag comes later on if he starts to compare you to his ex. Not only is it disrespectful to bring up his ex and compare her to you, but it can also lead to a lot of heartbreak down the line.
While it’s normal for someone to reflect on past relationships, it’s not healthy when they compare them to the one they’re currently in.
19. He’s old fashioned
Some younger women love dating old-fashioned guys. However, after some time, many of them are disappointed because there is a conflict of interests.
Okay, they don’t like online dating or video chats and tend to be out of touch with modern-day pop culture.
Ok, they don’t have dating apps….so what? It’s not solely about dating apps. It’s about the fact they don’t have any internet culture, they don’t get your jokes, and they don’t know what a meme is.
Of course, these are some benign things but consider the fact that they are also not as open-minded as our younger boys are. They are more traditional and have different moral views.
20. He makes inappropriate comments or jokes
What attracts older men to younger girls is mostly their physical appearance and the youth of their souls.
That’s why they may start making inappropriate comments or sexual jokes to see if you’re on the same page.
This can be a huge dealbreaker, especially if it’s your first date and you didn’t give him any signs you want to go in that direction.
But that isn’t the worst thing – if he continues to make comments even though you directly tell him that they bother you, you have your red flag alert.
To Sum Up
Always remember that age is just a number! However, keep an eye out for red flags when dating an older man.
From anger issues to a lack of commitment, there are plenty of warning signs that you should be on the lookout for. After all, you don’t want to end up like the little old lady who swallowed a fly!
On the flip side, though, dating an older man can also be a lot of fun. You’ll get to experience a different perspective, learn from someone with more life experience, and find out if you two are a good match.
There are many tricks on how to make an older man want you and change because of you, but even if you don’t work out, you can always try with younger guys!