Older men are known to be more responsible, reliable, and experienced (and uhm, better in bed?). If you’ve been disappointed by younger men, players, or guys who are masters of immaturity, I totally understand your preference for older men.
I mean, who wouldn’t choose a man you can count on and who knows how to make a real meal (not only eggs), right? Who wouldn’t fall for a man who values you and takes good care of you?
STILL, you should know that there are some disadvantages when it comes to marrying one. As a matter of fact, the age difference does matter, and it can influence many aspects of your married life.
For example, older guys are not that into partying, and they can become overly possessive. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t marry an older man, BUT you should definitely consider these 10 disadvantages of marrying an older man!
No need to worry, we’ll also go through the advantages of marrying an older man. It’s easier to make the right decision when you know what awaits you.
10 Disadvantages Of Marrying An Older Man
Being possessive, unwilling to change their habits, and not being into partying are some of the disadvantages you may experience if you choose to marry an older guy. Here are the 10 disadvantages of marrying an older man:
1. Your parents may be against it
Let’s be realistic here. No matter how old you are, your family is still free to express their own opinions regarding your love life, which doesn’t mean you should agree with them.
However, knowing that your parents and other family members might be against you marrying an older man can be frustrating.
If they don’t approve of marriages with a huge year age gap, you can expect to be asked the following and similar questions from them:
Why don’t you date and marry someone your own age?
Will he be able to play with your children after a few years?
What if you become a widow not long after getting married?
We all know that our parents and family (well, most of them) want the best for us, but sometimes they overdo it. If you’re happy with your man and believe in your marriage, you shouldn’t worry about what they have to say.
RELATED: What Attracts An Older Man To A Younger Woman? 11 Things Revealed
2. Older men can be possessive
Being in a possessive relationship is something every single one of us should avoid, right? Needless to say that this is one of the biggest disadvantages of dating an older partner.
I’m pretty sure this greatly stems from their insecurity that you might change your mind and fall for a younger man instead. Older men can be possessive because they’re not all confident in their age.
Some subconsciously think that their younger wife deserves someone younger than them or that she might be attracted to a younger man.
Because of that, they start seeing every young man around them as a threat. Jealousy and possessiveness are the two biggest killers of every relationship/marriage.
3. They are not that into partying
Contrary to young men, we all know or assume that old men are not party animals. The minority of them enjoy going to parties, excessive drinking, and behaving in a wild way.
If you’re a party goddess, then this might be one of the cons of dating an older man (unless your older man is still interested in partying).
However, there are also some women who don’t mind their men being calmer and enjoying more peaceful settings for entertainment. But if these women express a desire to continue partying with their besties, their men might not be okay with that.
Compromise is the key here, and again, not many older men are willing to compromise with their partners. You’ll find the answer to this in the following sign.
4. It’s not easy to change the mind of an older man
Out of these 10 disadvantages of marrying an older man, this one is probably one of the most challenging. Large age gaps can also mean difficulties when it comes to compromise, which is one of the upsides when it comes to marrying an older man.
Given that they are more experienced in life, older men feel more responsible when it comes to decision-making. Not many of them are willing to accept their younger partner’s perspective because they rely solely on their own wisdom and experiences.
Therefore, if you’re thinking of changing the mind of an older man or compromising on something, know that this won’t happen easily. Contrary to younger men, older men can be really stubborn at times. If this is something that doesn’t bother you, then feel free to ignore it.
5. You may be at different life stages
The fifth of the 10 disadvantages of marrying an older man is being on a different spectrum when it comes to life. An older man-younger woman marriage is often bound to experience lots of arguing, misunderstanding, and other inconveniences.
This happens when a younger woman and an older man are not on the same page. Here are a few situations in which an age gap couple can be at different life stages:
• Not sharing the same values
• Having different preferences
• Different expectations of marriage
• Having different lifestyles
• Having different outlooks on life
Imagine that your older man prefers a home-cooked meal instead of going to a restaurant, or he wants to have children now while you’re still not ready for that. These and similar things in a marriage can be the cause of constant arguing.
6. Older men = more baggage
Given that older men have had more relationships and/or marriages in the past, they’re bound to have more baggage. Not every single one of them is ready for a new relationship.
If he still has some unresolved issues from his past relationships, chances are he will let these issues interfere with your marriage. For example, he might start comparing everything you do with things his past partner did.
However, not all hope is lost here. Some men just need more time to deal with this baggage, and after that, they transform into great partners.
RELATED: 20 Definite Red Flags When Dating An Older Man
7. Other people might not take you seriously
I know a girl who married an older man, and I often see other people leaving rude comments on her pictures with him on her social media. Well, she’s an influencer, and she probably anticipated that this would happen to her and all the others who are in age gap relationships.
The same thing applies to younger man-older woman relationships. I’m wondering why people do that.
Who gives them the right to comment on someone’s choice of partner? Do they think that they know better than them? Here’s a better question: Do they think people care about their opinion?
So, the truth is, other people might not take you seriously and make fun of you, but if you can master not giving a damn about what others think, then you’re good.
8. They may be patronizing to their younger partners
Due to their life experience, older men may become patronizing to their younger partners. This means making decisions for their younger partner, not taking into consideration their opinions, and thinking that they (older partners) know better.
Not all women are okay with having a dominant husband and letting him be in charge of their marriage. Most women want equal marriages where both sides are able to express their opinions and together come up with a solution.
If you’re one of those women, then being with an older man might be challenging for you.
9. Your marriage might lack excitement
What do men in their 50s want in a woman? Excitement, of course! They crave it from the first date. Why? Because it’s something they lack.
Basically, they’ve seen everything, they’ve experienced everything, and not much can keep their excitement levels high. But does this mean that they themselves are boring?
It could mean that. And this state of mind can reflect in your marriage as well. Being married to someone who lacks excitement in life doesn’t sound inviting.
Here’s a different side to it. Many older men are bound to experience male midlife crisis symptoms in marriage. It’s when the need for adventure kicks in, and when that happens, who can guarantee that he will stay faithful to you?
10. Some older men already have kids and/or an ex-wife
I’ve never dated a man with kids, but one of my friends has. So, she said that dating a man who has kids was not as easy as she thought it might be.
When your man has kids, you need to accept the fact that they will always be part of his life. Sometimes, he’ll choose to spend time with them instead of you. Or he will have to cancel plans with you if his child gets sick.
Then there’s his ex-wife, who will still be in contact with him regarding their children. Does all this sound okay to you? If yes, then dating an older man with kids and an ex-wife shouldn’t be much of a big deal for you.
What Are The Benefits Of Marrying An Older Man?
Older men have more life experience, they are better in bed, and they don’t have commitment issues. Along with the 10 disadvantages of marrying an older man, there are also 10 advantages when it comes to marrying an older guy:
• Older men are more experienced in life
Dating older men means dating someone who is experienced both in life and in their love life. He knows how to court a woman, say the right words, and be a true gentleman. He knows how to deal with the issues at hand because he has already done it multiple times before.
Also, older men are ten times more cautious when it comes to making decisions. They think twice before choosing to invest in something or before choosing to marry someone.
They want to make sure that everything will function in the long run because they can’t afford to make mistakes and make their lives miserable.
Being with such a man means having someone by your side who will not give up at the first obstacle and someone who will make sure that everything flows smoothly. They will make sure that your relationship works and that you’re happy.
• They’ve mastered pleasing a woman in bed
When it comes to their sex life, older men have mastered pleasing a woman in bed and giving her exactly what she needs. Don’t get me wrong. Younger people can also be great in bed, but experience plays a huge role when it comes to that.
An older man will push the right buttons, never make you feel neglected, and he will make sure that your satisfaction comes before his. Here’s the thing: The majority of younger men solely focus on their own pleasure.
Older men see things differently. They are focused on satisfying a woman because that brings them ultimate satisfaction. They take pride in being great lovers, and yes, they have nothing against you telling your besties what an awesome man you have.
• Responsibility is one of their strongest traits
Yes, older men are more responsible when it comes to their obligations, their love life, and other things. They have this urge to be in control of things they can change.
They feel responsible for other people’s happiness as well, and they are careful about their words and actions. They know that a single bad word can hurt a person, so they choose carefully what they’re going to say.
Feeling responsible is at the core of their being. They trust themselves more than others, which can sometimes be a problem. For example, they might have difficulty relying on their partner because they feel obligated to always be who others rely on.
If you want to make an older man want you, allow him to take care of you. Also, remind him from time to time to rely on you.
• They have great communication skills
Just as in love life, older people have great communication skills due to experience. In other words, the more you make love, and the more you communicate with others, the better you become.
I remember when one of my female friends dated an older man for the first time. She couldn’t believe how mature and wise he was when it came to communicating.
He would always initiate deep conversations with her just about anything. Whenever he saw that she felt off, he would slowly start asking her questions.
He was a master at saying the right thing at the right time, and that’s what she liked most about him. If you want to be with such a man, then marry an older man!
• You can learn a lot from them
Falling in love with a man who has more life experience also means being with someone you can learn a lot from. He can teach you patience, responsibility, coping mechanisms, and the importance of surrounding yourself with inspiring people.
Given that he’s already dealt with tons of toxic people and been through various difficult situations, he’s bound to have become wiser and bolder. If your older man sees that you’re struggling with something, he will not only help you with it but also teach you ways to cope with it.
Before offering you a solution, he will want to know your opinion first. That’s the best way to learn lots of valuable things from an older man. This will make you more confident and more successful.
RELATED: Why Am I Attracted To Older Men? 20 Surprising Reasons
• They have better coping mechanisms in stressful situations
We all have our own ways of dealing with stressful situations. Some of us freeze and do nothing, some start compulsively eating, while others don’t sleep and eat for days.
Well, older men are not like that. They have better coping mechanisms in stressful situations than younger men. They know that they need to protect themselves from the harm of stress and find soothing techniques instead of losing their nerve.
They’ve learned that nothing is more important than their health. Therefore, they don’t freak out when it comes to the little things in life. Also, they are great at dealing with bigger problems at hand.
They live day by day and don’t force anything. They are happy if they can fix a problem, and they are also ready to accept a situation when they have no control over it.
They’ve learned to count to ten or focus on their six senses when a panic attack strikes them. Focusing on being in the moment is their favorite remedy for stressful situations.
• Older men don’t have commitment issues
Many men suffer from commitment issues, which has become a huge problem. If you’re not interested in trivial romances but in serious relationships that will lead to marriage, then older men are the right choice.
After all, you don’t want to be with someone who “loves you” one second and forgets about you the next. If you want stability and a real connection, then being with an older man is what you’re looking for.
• They are great with kids
I’m not saying that younger guys are not good with kids, but older men are simply better with kids. Perhaps they have their own kids, or they spend a lot of time around their family’s kids.
Another reason for that is the fact that older guys are more responsible and stable, which means they’ll make sure your kid has everything.
From unconditional love to the best toys to promote their growth, your man will think of everything. Also, they will spend as much time as they can with kids because they know that they grow so fast.
• They are generally more wealthy
Yes, older men are generally wealthier because they have had enough time to commit to their careers and achieve something in life.
Here comes that famous controversial question: Should a man help his GF financially? Just because a woman allows her man to take care of her doesn’t mean that she’s automatically a gold digger. Just because a woman is dating an older man doesn’t mean she has daddy issues.
These and similar stereotypes should no longer be trending. But here is one psychological reason why younger women are attracted to men who are wealthier: “Women who were attracted to older men fared well and produced healthy offspring since older men tended to have resources.”
This quote was uttered by Darren Fowler, M.S., a Halifax-based clinical psychologist and the co-author of the daddy-issues study.
• Older men provide stability
They are into long-term relationships instead of flings, and they will make sure to emphasize this on their online dating profiles. They provide stable lives for their families, and they enjoy being the ones others can rely on.
Psychology Today gives us some interesting facts from the study by Sara Skentelbery and Darren Fowler (2016) regarding relational attachment and age:
“In their study of 173 women, 44 of whom were dating men at least approximately 10 years older, the stereotype of women choosing significantly older paramours as a result of ‘daddy issues’ was unsupported. Further, Skentelbery and Fowler found no significant difference in attachment styles between women in similar-age relationships and women in age-gap relationships. In fact, they found that 74 percent of the women in age-gap relationships enjoyed a relationship within which they were securely attached.”
So, what do you think? Do the 10 disadvantages of marrying an older man outweigh the 10 advantages of marrying an older man?
Here’s my personal conclusion:
Every man is different, which means that older men cannot really be put into one category. There are always some exceptions, so these disadvantages and advantages actually serve as a general guide when it comes to marrying an older man.
In order to decide whether you should marry one or not, you need to take the time to get to know him better. That way, you’ll see whether you’re compatible and whether you have a chance at establishing a happy and healthy marriage.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck! At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how you feel when spending time with them. ?