The first idea of what is love supposed to look like we get from our parents. So, it’s understandable: people who had the misfortune of being the children of divorced parents have a harder time holding onto that picture of the perfect relationship.
Childhood memories of love are full of my parents: Into each other’s faces. Picking fights. Breaking dishes. Shouting. Slamming doors. There were some good times in between. But it all ended up with those doors slammed shut for good.
When I look at it. I am glad that they got divorced. I was so sick of them fighting. My home didn’t feel like home. I would prefer staying at school (imagine that) than going back to that chaos.
I see they are happier, too, since the divorce. However, divorce is never a happy thing. They needed some time to get to a good place. I needed some time to get there, too.
Also, it made a huge difference for me. I actually noticed I behave differently in relationships than most of my friends.
These are the reasons why:
1. We want someone reliable
No shocker there. We want someone we can trust wholeheartedly. Someone you can count on to be there when you need him the most. Somebody able to commit and stay there. We need that sense of security in order to feel safe in a relationship.
2. We find it difficult to believe in ‘happily ever after’
We are still unsure if true love exists. Given the example we had, it is very difficult to believe in it. But somehow underneath all of our questioning, we hope to find someone to prove us wrong.
See Also: 8 Tips For Dating A Divorced Guy
3. We have abandonment issues
At least a few of my last relationships ended with the other person saying, ” You have abandonment issues.” Well, duuhh!!! I am aware of that and kind of trying to sort those things out. It’s hard. It gives you that feeling of anxiety. Then, for no reason, you start thinking this person is going to leave when maybe they weren’t planning on going at all.
4. We need proof of love.
For the reason above. We would like somebody to remind us very often how much they love us. How we are important to them. How they are going to stay forever. We just need to be sure of their love for us. Usually, we exaggerate.
5. If we are single, we are in constant search for love.
But the fact of the matter is we are scared of love and craving it at the same time. Sometimes we can get depressed if we are single. That situation doesn’t give balance to our lives. So, we fight it all the time.
We keep saying to ourselves that we are good on our own, that true love will come when it is supposed to, that we don’t need to rush things. We should really take our own advice—it’s smart.
6. We are the ones you can lean on.
In any given situation, we are there. We are very good listeners. We can relate to things that bother you. It comes naturally. We are used to being the people our parents could lean on. They had their share of breakdowns, and we were right there to pick them up.
7. We are lovers, not fighters.
Fighting is really not our thing. Can you imagine why? We are problem solvers. We believe that good communication is a key to a happy relationship. Fights only make things worse.
8. We can be a bit jealous at times.
Especially if a reason for our parent’s divorce was another person.
9. We are all in.
We are romantic souls. If we are really in love, there is nothing that we find difficult to do. Long distance relationship: even though it might be difficult, with the right person, “Why not?”.
We also love when our partners are happy, so we do the impossible to please them. But we tend to exaggerate at times. Too much of anything is never a good thing.
See Also: 7 Things Powerful Women Do Differently
10. We don’t give up when things get tough
Breaking up is our last resort. It happens when we really see no point in being there anymore. We hate the notion of goodbyes with people we care about, but sometimes it is bound to happen.
11. We are not easy to date. But we are so worth it.
It is not easy for us to let someone close. Opening up to somebody, for us, is a challenge. But when we get there, we are all in. We invest ourselves completely into a relationship. Our love is pure.