Have you ever felt completely lost after losing someone you were convinced was the love of your life? The pain consumes you completely and you can’t seem to find a way out of this darkness.

I know this is terrifying but the good news is that we’ve all been there. And even though the path to recovery is a difficult one, it exists, even if you don’t see it now.

When the person you’ve loved more than anything walks away from you or hurts you in any other way, you see it as the end of the world. For years, this was the man who you thought gave your life meaning and you just can’t seem to move on without him by your side.

You are afraid of living your life on your own and you think you could never make it now that you don’t have him to hold your hand. You feel like you ceased to exist as an individual while you were with him and you are terrified of stepping into your new life chapter because you’ve completely lost yourself through this relationship.

But there are some ways which can help you pick up your broken pieces and help you find yourself again after a painful break-up and here are some of them.

1. Break all ties with the one who has done you harm

The first thing you need to do if you really want to recover from a devastating break-up is cut all ties with the source of your pain and that is the man who broke your heart. But when I tell you this, I am not only talking about going no contact with him, even though this is exactly what you ought to do.

I am also telling you about cutting off everyone who keeps mentioning him, about the fact that you should stop listening to the songs that might remind you of him, that you should get rid of all of your photos and his stuff. Don’t get me wrong—I am not advising you to pretend as if this man never existed because that would be self-deceiving.

This will just be a way for you not to continue breaking your heart all over again each time you run into someone or see something connected to this guy. Do your best to protect yourself from everything that might remind you of him and of everything you went through.

2. Accept your pain but don’t let it define you

When you are emotionally broken, one of the worst things you can do is to pretend that the pain doesn’t exist. I know this is one of your first instincts and that running away from the negativity appears to be easier but trust me—it is not.

So instead of doing this, accept the pain. Accept the anger. Look your emotions straight in the eye and confront them fearlessly. But don’t let them define you.

Yes, they are a part of you at this moment. But it doesn’t mean that you are not the person you used to be. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have a lot to offer besides this devastating pain you are feeling right now. Remember—your heart being broken doesn’t mean that you are broken as well.

3. Allow yourself to heal

Healthy healing is a process. Don’t compare yourself to anyone and don’t think that you are taking too long to fix your broken heart.

So instead of rushing yourself, give yourself time to heal and remember that this pain is only temporary. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like screaming, scream. Do whatever will make it easier for you to get through the day.

Just don’t expect to be better overnight. Don’t expect for someone to come along with a magic wand to chase all of your pain away. After all, you’ve been through some serious stuff and it will take some time before things go back to the way they should be.

4. Work on yourself

Once you see that you can function in everyday life, it is time to change your focus from your pain to yourself and keeping yourself busy is the best way to do it. I am not saying that this will work wonders but it will definitely help you keep your mind off of everything that went on.

The best way to find your true self after going through any type of emotional trauma is to work on improving yourself in the best way possible. This is the period in which you’ll have to learn to love yourself and the way to do it is by spoiling yourself and being selfish for once.

I know you don’t feel like getting out of bed but start with setting yourself up with small goals and once you see that you’ve managed to accomplish them, your faith in your own strength will be restored. Suddenly, you’ll feel more motivated and before you know it, things will get better.

5. Don’t lose faith in love

One of the most important things you need to remember in the process of not losing yourself is not to lose your faith in love. Remember that not all men are like your ex and you just need one guy to prove this to you.

I know that now you are bitter and pessimistic and that you are convinced that the only way to protect your heart from getting broken once more is to build high walls around it. But trust me—becoming overly guarded is not the answer.

There is nothing wrong with becoming more careful after a bad experience but if this man has made you think that you are unlovable or if he killed all of your hopes of finding your Mr. Perfect, he is the one who won and that is something you shouldn’t allow.

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Selma June

I am an English Language and Literature teacher. I am a writer. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend… But most of all, I am a woman, just like you.

A woman who has experienced the same things you’ve been going through. A woman who’s been fighting battles similar to yours. A woman who wants you to learn from her mistakes and who wants to help you empower yourself.

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