Dating a friend can end up being the best thing that’s ever happened to you, without a shadow of a doubt.
But before it gets to the good part, there are some steps to overcome in order to master that perfect new balance of emotions you’re feeling.
My man and I started out as friends, and let me tell you… it was a bumpy ride before I finally figured out how to act, now that I was more than just his friend and my feelings were so much more intensified.
The first time he kissed me was awkward AF, but not because he was a bad kisser (trust me, he’s not), but because we were both so hesitant and unsure of what we were actually doing.
While we found the guts to actually do it, it kind of just happened in a blur, and it was nothing short of forgettable.
Luckily, we both knew we could do so much better than that, so it didn’t really discourage us from giving it another shot.
The first few days are the weirdest, to say the least.
I guess it would depend on how close you were as friends, but for us, since we were really close, we just weren’t totally sure if we wanted to risk losing the friendship that we had over something that might not work.
Learning how to behave now that you’re trying to be a little more than just two really close friends is daunting.
Especially when certain feelings start appearing and you’re feeling yourself get so much more attached and connected to him.
It gets scary, because you know this is actually leading somewhere new and exciting, but at the same time, the over-encompassing level of affection you’re feeling scares the shit out of you.
Because if it ends up backfiring, you’re probably losing one of your best friends.
For us, I thank my lucky stars we never gave up, because it’s been a little over a year now, and I’ve literally never been in a healthier, happier relationship.
The foundation we had as friends is the thing that helped us the most.
We were already comfortable with each other and there were no awkward in-depth conversations where you worry if you might find out something that will make you run for the hills.
I already knew everything there was to know about him, and that gave me the reassurance and confidence to keep pursuing this.
When you feel there is something more there than just a beautiful friendship, my sincere advice is – go for it!
I wouldn’t be the woman that I am now if I hadn’t had the guts to start dating a friend.
If you don’t try, you’ll never know what you potentially could end up gaining, and if it works, it’s going to feel that much better because he was your friend first.
There isn’t a rulebook on how to handle the transition from friends to lovers, but there are some things that are inevitably going to play a significant role in the process, and it definitely can’t hurt to inform yourself before actually going for it.
So if you’re truly contemplating dating a friend, here are some things you should be mindful of before taking the leap!
1. You might want to start things off with some flirting to see where you stand
It can be challenging trying to decipher his feelings, since you’re already close and you know he cares about you a lot.
And that’s the whole thing. He cares for you as a friend, but you want to make sure it transcends that!
How do you know if there is something more there when you’re already close and have a fun, playful friendship?
Here’s how I resolved that. Every time I’d go shopping, I’d take a hot selfie in a new outfit and text it to him to ask for his opinion of whether I should buy it or not.
Also, it needs to be something girly and hot, where he’ll get what you’re trying to do. And based on his response, you can see where you stand.
His comments were always flirtatious and not at all something a friend would text, and I just knew he was flirting right back!
That helped me in deciding to truly contemplate dating him for real.
My advice is to test the waters first, just to be certain there is really something there, before taking that huge leap into the unknown.
2. Make sure you have a solid base as friends first
If you’re thinking about dating a friend, make sure that it is in fact a true, genuine friend, and not someone you think might flake on you if he gets cold feet.
The way he is as a friend is going to be a sign of what he’d be like as a boyfriend.
Can you count on him during hard times? Is he somebody that you can rely on without a doubt? Would he come pick you up at 3am if you called him crying?
Those are all the things you need to take into consideration before moving onto more serious things.
He is somebody you are presumably really close with, so you should know him pretty well.
If what you have is a deep, strong friendship, and you know he truly cares about you and would never take you for granted, then you have the green light to go for it!
But if you see him with other girls and you don’t like the way he treats them, think about the fact that you would be just like those girls.
Would you like that treatment?
Deep down, you know exactly what he’s like. Don’t lie to yourself that he’d be different with you. What you see is almost always what you get.
Make sure he’s a genuine, reliable person in your life before making any big decisions.
3. Why do you really want to date him?
Be honest with yourself, and don’t let your loss of faith in love or your current feeling of loneliness lead you into the wrong direction.
You don’t want to start dating a friend just because you’re sick and tired of being lonely.
If that was a good reason to be dating anybody, trust me, everybody would be doing it just for the hell of it.
You want to make sure that you’ve got all the right reasons for thinking about this.
First and foremost, there have to be genuine emotions on your part, ones that you know are more than just platonic.
Without feeling anything different than just your typical friendly vibes, there’s honestly no point in putting yourself through that.
If you’ve established that your feelings are indeed transcending that friend stage, you’re good to go.
Make sure that you have some shared interests first. You don’t want to start anything with him unless you’re on the same page about the future.
I know he gives you that feeling of security and comfort, but that’s not enough for an actual relationship if that’s the only reason to start things up!
There has to be a sexual attraction as well, and you truly have to want to be romantically close with him.
If you’re not, sooner or later, it’s going to backfire and you’ll be at square one.
4. If you’re really sure you want to do this, stop seeing him as a friend and truly go for it
At first, it’s only normal to worry about what this could potentially do to your friendship in case it doesn’t work.
You’re worried about losing a really good friend and nobody can really blame you.
But at some point, you’re going to have to stop seeing him as a friend and start focusing on actually making it work as a couple.
Because for as long as you worry about the future and how it may affect you, you’re never going to be fully invested in this.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to give this thing a real shot.
And the only way you’re going to succeed in doing that is by putting in tons of effort and making sure that you’re working towards the same beautiful goal – a healthy, happy relationship.
Let the friendship be the base off of which you build an even stronger foundation that will help you grow even closer and reach that level of intimacy only couples share.
Forget about all those things that could potentially go wrong, and stay focused on this thing you’re trying to build with him.
Every new relationship has a risk of burning out, so that’s no reason to doubt yourself and sabotage something that could end up being the best thing in your life.
5. Keep your budding romance private and don’t overshare with your mutual friends
Chances are, you two have some mutual friends and they will likely find out what’s happening between you two.
And that’s fine. It’s only natural to want to know about your two friends suddenly becoming romantically involved.
But the trick here is not to involve those mutual friends too much.
It’s already challenging enough without prying eyes who want to know every last detail about what’s new with you two.
You can share some basic things.
Say that things are doing great and you’re both happy with where it’s heading, but don’t get into too many details. Keep that to yourself.
The attention is really going to just annoy the hell out of you and you don’t want that additional pressure and all those nagging questions that you don’t even know all the answers to.
Until you’re truly there, stay as private as possible; it’s the best thing for the relationship.
Only once you’ve got it all figured out and you know exactly where you are and what your intentions are with each other can you allow yourself to talk about it with your other friends.
That is the only way it won’t bug and pressure you into God knows what.
Besides, aren’t secret relationships just the best?
When you’ve got this whole amazing, hot, exciting new thing just to yourself, and no one in the world knows about it?
I know that was the best bit for me personally.
He was my hot little secret for as long as we could keep it under wraps!
6. Be aware that everything is going to be awkward at first (but that’s totally normal!)
With every beautiful new experience comes an awkward first time, and you’ll be no exception.
The first time you have sex is probably not going to be the hot and steamy session that you have worked up in your head.
It might be… but it’s more likely that it won’t.
The pressure and the idea of what it should be like is going to play a huge role in how it actually turns out.
I’m not saying it’s going to be bad or anything, just a bit awkward, but in a cute way, really.
Because as close as you two are, sex is another level of intimacy you haven’t experienced with each other yet, so before you get to know his body and vice versa, it’ll take a little time before it gets to that steamy, sexy level.
In my experience, the second time around is already that much better!
The first time, it’s basically getting to know one another on that ultimate, most personal level and seeing what works for each of you.
You’ll try out things, see what feels right, and you’ll know exactly what to do (or not do) the next time around.
But the point is, if there’s truly a connection there, you’ll totally be able to just laugh about it and brush it off.
You’ll find it cute and amusing, and when it’s done, you’ll be able to just lie there and make fun of each other, before falling asleep in his arms.
And trust me, it’s going to feel right. Just give it a few times, and you’ll be on top of things.