Becoming friends with someone you were once in love is extremely hard and not everyone is capable of achieving it. Even if you want to be friends with all of your heart, there will always be some barriers that you need to overcome in order to succeed in making the transition from lovers to friends.
If you’re sure that you’re ready to become friends with the guy you once loved, here are 8 steps that will help you in achieving it. Don’t skip any of it because every single step is equally important if you want to build a true, unbreakable friendship.
1. Double check that you don’t have feelings for him
Ask yourself whether you still have feelings for him and is it wise to start working on becoming friends? If you have any kind of suspicion regarding your feelings for him, discard the idea of building a friendship with him.
You need to be completely free of any of the feelings you used to have for him before. Only then will you be able to accomplish the transition from lovers to friends. Once you’ve checked this, you can proceed to a step two.
2. Take your time
Don’t rush things. Even if you’re sure that you don’t have any feelings attached to him, this doesn’t mean that you immediately ready to engage in any types of friendship activities with him.
Just give it some time so that you can start from scratch. You both need some alone time to understand what has happened and to get over any undigested feelings. You need to learn to be free again in order to start becoming friends after lovers.
3. Set rules
When the right time comes, the first thing you need to do is to set rules. You need to do it with him because both of you need to stick to them. These can be rules regarding do’s and don’t and if someone fails at respecting it, you can think of some kind of a punishment that will prevent you from failing again.
When you have firm boundaries, it will be much easier to go through everything and you will not have to wonder whether you should say something or not. You will know exactly what is expected of both of you and if you stick to it, you will become friends in no time.
4. Don’t even think of hooking up again
Whatever you do, please don’t even think of hooking up again with him. That’s a real recipe for a catastrophe. Don’t let your impulse rule your mind if you want to nourish a true friendship with someone you once loved.
5. Let go of the past events
Make sure to get rid of all of the past events in your past relationship. You don’t want your past to pop out every time you do something similar with him. If you’re still living in the past, it will be really hard to focus on the present.
Everything will remind you of what the two of you used to have and when that happens, nostalgia is inevitable. And, nostalgia makes us do things we normally wouldn’t consider doing.
6. Reset your expectations
Another thing that you need to do is to reset your expectations. Don’t stick to the same expectations you once had in your relationship because now it’s a different story.
You cannot be mad because he didn’t reply to your text immediately because you are no longer in a relationship with him. If you want to be friends then you need act like that.
You cannot blame him for some things that you’ve blamed him for in the relationship as well. If you do, you’ll destroy every single potential for becoming friends with him.
7. Remember to keep it casual
Always keep your hanging out as casual as possible. Don’t go to some romantic places like you used to do when you were in a relationship. The best choice is to hang out in groups for a start because that way you’ll avoid any possible awkward moments.
Keeping it casual means behaving casual and enjoying each other’s company. It means enjoying his company on a whole different level – friendship level. And once you master it, you’ll most surely succeed in making the transition from lover to friends.
8. Don’t pay attention to other people’s opinions
From the moment you decide to become friends with your ex, you need to know that other people will pose you questions, lots of questions. And, you should be ready to ignore every single of it if you want to stay genuine to yourself and your wishes.