Do you know the story of Narcissus? It goes like this: There was a Greek hunter known for his beauty. He was a son of a river god and a nymph, extremely proud of himself, but he disdained those who loved him. One day, the gods noticed his arrogance and attracted him to the pool where he saw his reflection in the water and fell in love instantly. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus lost his will to live. He stared at his reflection until he died.
What about the Narcissus you’re dating? You are expecting to be the one to change him, aren’t you? You think you’ll be the one that’s different and that you will be worth changing for.
You might not be aware, but the term ‘narcissism’ is the concept of excessive selfishness and it’s mainly linked to vanity and self-admiration. This may not ring any bells, but I’m sure there are things in this article that’ll be more than familiar to you.
Every single girl in this world likes to see herself as ‘the special one’, the one that’s worth changing for. And the truth is we are special, and there are guys out there who’ll do their best to be better men for us. I hate to break it to you, but that guy is not your narcissist. He’s not going to change nor for you nor for any other girl in this world and there is not much you can do about it.
I hate to be the one to tell people to walk away, but is all of what you’re going through worth your time? You are more than aware how he behaves towards you and that you’ll never be on the throne, at least not permanently, because that seat has been taken a long time ago.
You struggle to have your views and feelings heard and of course, it’s ‘your fault’ that he forgets something—you didn’t bother to remind him! He’s the one to overstep and use others without consideration or any sensitivity. It just doesn’t touch him in any way. It’s all he needs to do for his vanity and he’ll do it.
It’s as if he likes to do things to impress others. He does it by making himself look good externally. This is also known as a ‘trophy’ complex. He has the need to exhibit himself physically, romantically, sexually, financially and God knows in which another way. It’s his way to tell others: ” I’m better than you” because, in his mind, the world revolves around him.
See, he has this gift—you know this best—to be very charismatic and persuasive when he’s interested in somebody. He can make you feel really special and wanted. He can be the funniest and the kindest person in order to win you over. The downside of this is the fact that it isn’t permanent. When he loses interest in you (mostly because he got what he needed/wanted or he found something more interesting), he may drop you without a second thought. Because he’s only interested in a person for his own gratification.
Another great gift of his is his negative emotions. Let’s not talk about his need to disdain everything, the topic here is your feelings. He often makes you feel insecure and off-balance. Maybe you don’t notice he’s doing it on purpose or you’re doing your best to meet his expectations, but there isn’t a final line—you’ll keep running the never-ending marathon because the finish line is always moving. You can never reach his expectations and you know why? Because it’s not you, it’ him. He’s making you feel like that because he needs you to feel insecure so he can feel superior. It’s what gives him strength in the morning. He feeds on it.
You may mistake him for a alpha man when he’s, in fact, just making decisions for others to suit his own needs. He may use you to meet his unreasonable self-serving needs or to cover up his self-perceived inadequacies and flaws.
And now comes the refusal part. It’s the part where you deny anything that’s been said because this way it’s much easier. You could just ignore everything that has been said and continue living the way you do now convinced that if you try hard enough he’ll change, he’ll give you the love you desrve and he’ll treat you differently. But you’ll get to a dead end eventually and you know it well.
Every single girl in this world likes to see herself as ‘the special one’, the one that’s worth changing for. And the truth is we are special, and there are guys out there who’ll do their best to be the better man for us. I hate to break it to you, but that guy is not your narcissist. He’s not going to change and you can’t tame the beast.
You deserve somebody who’ll treat you like a queen. There is somebody out there ready to give you everything you deserve—the one that’ll get off the throne to put you there. But that won’t be the guy who’s breaking your heart day after day.
I know it hurts and I know you love, but you’ve fallen for a wrong guy. You’re giving all of yourself and for what? Just to get heartbroken in the end?
Silly girl it’s time to learn to walk away from the people who do nothing but tear you down. It’s time to admit to yourself you can’t change someone who doesn’t see that there is anything wrong with him. You can’t be a rug everyone walks on.
Stop trying to change others and focus on yourself. Work hard to be the best version of yourself. Learn to love yourself and when the time is right you will no longer be surrounded by toxic people nor will you believe how you can change someone who’s okay being self-centered and selfish.
When the time is right the right guy will walk in your life and you’ll be thankful you managed to cut all ties with your narcissist and that you chose to finally accept the fact that you can’t tame the beast.