How To Emotionally Hurt A Narcissistic Man: 6 Effective Ways To Do It
Although revenge is rarely healthy, you are just a human being and it is perfectly natural if you have ever asked yourself how to hurt a narcissistic man. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist or if you’ve ever fallen for a narcissist, you probably wondered what you could do to make him pay for all the pain he has caused you and everything else he has done to you.
Many people will tell you that the best way to get over a narcissist is to walk away from him and never look back (and they wouldn’t be wrong) but you have this uncontrollable urge to make him suffer just a little bit. Although every person is different, all narcissists have some common vulnerabilities and here are 6 ways to find their weak spots.
1. Figure him out
If you really want to seek revenge on your narcissistic boyfriend, firstly you have to get inside of his head. I know this is the guy you had your future planned with and that you won’t want him to be different but if you want to hurt him effectively, you have to accept some things.
Firstly, you have to stop idealizing him and see him for who he really is. You need to accept that his personality is narcissistic and that he is toxic for you and that he will always be like this. If you want to seek revenge because you secretly hope that it will make him understand what he’s losing and that it will make him understand that he loves you, I have to tell you to call it quits right from the start because this can be very dangerous for you. But if you truly want to hurt him, you need to get inside of his head.
You need to think of his vulnerabilities and weaknesses, about the things that elevate him and about those which bring him down. Of course, you need to use all of this against him and to your own advantage. Although this is one of the hardest things to do, you need to find a way to shut down all of the emotions you have for him and you need to let your reason be your only guide. If you really want to hurt him, there is no place for your conscience or guilt here. You need to be sure that this is exactly what you want to do and if it is, you need to shut down any remorse you might have regarding this revenge. Just remember that this man has hurt you many times and every sign of regret will instantly vanish.
Also, you need to make it clear to yourself that your narcissistic man will never love you and that he is only disguised as irresistible and that you need to take love out of this equation. Additionally, don’t ever expect him to change toward you or any other woman in his future. You won’t teach him a lesson by hurting him because he will do all the things he has done to you to every woman who crosses his path. But what you will accomplish is getting your own personal satisfaction and that is what your goal should be.
2. Talk about his imperfections
Although many people assume that a narcissist is the one who has the control in the relationship, it only appears this way. As a matter of fact, every serious narcissist is actually quite vulnerable and he only pretends to be tough and self-confident while the reality is quite different. Once you understand that he chose to be with you because he needs you to boost his ego, you’ll also understand that you are actually in complete control of the situation and you’ll realize how easy it is to rock his world.
Although it doesn’t seem this way, all narcissists have a very fragile ego and their low self-confidence is their weakest spot. They act like they love themselves and like they think they are perfect but actually this couldn’t be further from the truth.
A narcissist has only one goal in all the relationships he builds and especially in romantic ones: he wants approval. When this guy first met you, he knew that you could be a good victim of his manipulations because he saw that you were enchanted by him. He saw that he had managed to impress you and that is exactly what he has been looking for his entire life. So if you want to really hurt him, you need to change your ways of dealing with him.
Instead of constantly complimenting and praising him, you need to focus on his flaws and imperfections. But for you to do this, you need to take off your rose-tinted glasses and see this guy for who he really is and that will help you see that he is far from perfect. Once you achieve this, you need to make sure to constantly imply his flaws to him.
You don’t need to insult him directly. Instead, give him doubt about his physical appearance or about his brain. This is the biggest punishment for a narcissist. He will never stop feeling insecure, the way he wanted to make you feel, and he will start to question his every move because he has an uncontrollable urge to be perfect in everyone’s eyes and especially in the eyes of his current victim. Therefore, this guy will do everything in his power to get your approval and to regain your admiration because that is what feeds him spiritually.
3. Give him a taste of his own medicine
If you have ever wondered how to hurt a narcissist who is into playing games, the best way is to give him a taste of his own medicine. That means that you should start treating him the way he has always been treating you—like he doesn’t matter to you. It doesn’t mean that you should make a big announcement or that you should threaten him that you will start treating him the way he deserves, because that would only give him a heads-up and he would know you were doing all of it just to get back at him. Instead, you should simply start ignoring the narcissist, acting the way he deserves, step by step.
The first thing you need to do is to stop prioritizing this guy. While you’ve been putting him first since the moment you guys met, he has always treated you as one of his options and has been always putting you at the bottom of his priority list. So instead of waiting for him to treat you the way you treat him and the way you deserve, start acting as if he’s not very important to you.
When he calls you, feel free to give him the silent treatment, tell him you are busy and that you have other, more important plans that you simply can’t reschedule or just ignore his phone calls. But be careful not to overreact because he might lose interest completely once he sees that he isn’t getting any feedback from you. Just play mind games with him, the same way he did with you. One day, act like he is the most important person in the world to you and the next, treat him like the piece of shit he is.
Make him beg for your attention and love, the way you were doing all along. Make sure you are giving him just enough of yourself to keep him hooked but to always leave him craving more. But be careful and don’t expect to change his ways by doing this. Don’t expect him to understand that his behavior is wrong once he feels it on his own skin. Remember that a narcissist always thinks that he is right and that there is nothing wrong with him treating you or anyone around him the way he does.
4. Criticize him in front of others
We’ve already stated that you can’t teach a narcissist a lesson and that you can’t teach him to care. But what you can do is embarrass and humiliate him.
It has already been mentioned that the only goal of every narcissist is to get approval and to boost his own ego. Therefore, he has never really cared about his own personal qualities and personality traits. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t care about how he appears in your eyes once he sees that you have fallen for him. But what he cares about is the opinion of the general public and the people around him. Remember—you were one of those people in the beginning and he did everything he could to impress you.
He’s been living his entire life in the same manner—trying to impress everyone around him and trying to hide his real personality. He is doing all of this because he is lying to himself and because he refuses to accept his true self. This is why most narcissists are actually much-appreciated people in their family or in business. And that is why these people in general have a hard time believing their victims and why their victims have a hard time believing themselves, thinking they exaggerate.
Every narcissistic man has worked hard to build this imaginary world of his, in which he is a loved and respected individual. So if you want to hurt him for all the pain he has put you through, you need to burst his bubble. One of the most effective ways to do this is to start embarrassing and humiliating him in front of others. I am not saying you should do it directly nor that you should insult him in front of others. But when you think about it, you know this guy the best. You know his vulnerabilities and all of his flaws, no matter how hard he has been trying to hide them. Therefore, instead of praising him in front of everyone, focus on his flaws. But you need to be subtle to prevent him from realizing your real intentions.
If you want to humiliate him, diminish his worth in front of everyone and simply act like you are above him—the same way he has always been acting toward you. This will never have the same effect unless you do it publicly. No narcissist can stand people looking down on him or ridiculing him and that is exactly what you should accomplish if you want to really put him down.
This will make him more insecure than he really is and it will make him question his every move and decision. It will lower his self-esteem even more and it will make him paranoid. Of course, every time he accuses you of trying to do this, make sure you convince him he is imagining things and that you are only trying to give him some advice for his own good.
5. Make him question your love for him
A narcissistic manipulator has to be sure of your love for him. From the moment he laid eyes on you, his only goal was to make you crazy and madly in love with him.
Remember how he pretended to be this perfect guy in the beginning? How he treated you like a queen and how he always put your needs in front of everyone else’s? Remember how he acted like you were the woman of his dreams and the most important person in his life, telling you that he truly loved you? How you were happy that you had finally met the love of your life and someone who could make you happy and who could make you feel loved and wanted, no matter what?
Well, I am sure that now you know that all of this was a mask. Every narcissist behaves like this until he gets what he wants. You need to keep in mind that narcissistic men are different from the majority of men out there. And when I say that he treats you nicely until he gets what he wants, I am not talking about just sex here. Of course, sex is important to him but that is not his final goal.
You sleeping with him is not enough. Instead, he wants to be sure that he has you completely and that means that he wants to make sure he is inside your heart, soul and head. And if you really want to hurt him, you can never give him this realization. A narcissist can never be sure of your love for him to the point where he starts taking you for granted. At first, he will make big, romantic gestures and he will have no trouble whatsoever verbalizing his emotions to you. He is doing this only to lead you on and for you to think how special he is. He wants to make sure that he has left a permanent mark on your life and that is something you can never let him think. Instead, make him question your emotions and your intentions.
Don’t be too cold, because that will make him go away before you get your revenge. But make him wonder if you ever loved him or if all of your relationship was an act. Make him wonder if there is someone else in your life and whether he played you or if he was the one who got played.
6. Love yourself
I know that you probably think that this, what I am about to tell you, is just a cliché and that you’ve heard it a million times. I know you think that what you are about to hear is an empty phrase and that this is something that doesn’t cross your mind whenever you think of how to hurt a narcissistic man. But let me tell you that the best revenge on a narcissist is loving and respecting yourself.
All narcissists feel insecure and have deep emotional issues and self-esteem problems. But sadly, he is not aware of his narcissistic personality disorder and he doesn’t want to admit to himself or to others that he actually needs professional help. So, he tries to heal himself through his victims and one of them is you.
He can’t stand being around someone who has high self-esteem and who doesn’t have ego problems, especially if that someone is a woman. Therefore, instead of him working on his own issues and problems, he tries to pull his victims down to his level and destroy their confidence because that is the only way for him to feel valuable and worthy.
Deep down, he is aware of his insecurities and he tries to mask them by diminishing you and making you question your worth because this is the only way for him to feel above you and for him to feel better about himself. Once he accomplishes this, his mission has been successful. So if you really want to hurt a narcissist, you need to prove to him that he has failed to make you miserable.
I am an English Language and Literature teacher. I am a writer. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend… But most of all, I am a woman, just like you.
A woman who has experienced the same things you’ve been going through. A woman who’s been fighting battles similar to yours. A woman who wants you to learn from her mistakes and who wants to help you empower yourself.