Although revenge is rarely healthy, you’re just a human being made out of flesh and blood.
Therefore, if you’ve ever been harmed by a toxic man in the past, you can’t help but ask yourself what hurts a narcissist the most and how to emotionally wound him.
If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist or if you’ve ever fallen for a narcissist, you probably wondered what you could do to make him pay for hurting you.
Figure him out
If you really want to seek revenge on your narcissist, first, you have to get inside his head.
I know this is a guy you had a future planned with and that you don’t want to admit to yourself that he’s this horrible person and a sociopath but you must accept it in order to move on.
Firstly, you have to stop idealizing him and see him for who he really is.
You need to accept that he suffers from NPD and that he is toxic for you and that he’ll always be like this.
If you want to seek revenge because you secretly hope that it will make him understand what he’s losing and that it’ll make him see that he loves you, forget about it because this can be very dangerous for you.
Instead, you need to think about his vulnerabilities and weaknesses, about the things that give him a boost and about those which bring him down.
Of course, you need to use all of this against him and to your own advantage.
Although this is one of the hardest things to do, you need to find a way to shut down all of the emotions you have for him and you need to let your reason be your only guide.
Forget about being codependent and put aside any empathy you might feel for this man.
If you really want to hurt him, there is no place for your conscience or guilt here.
You need to be sure that this is exactly what you want to do and if it is, you need to shut down any remorse you might have regarding this revenge.
Just remember that this man has hurt you a million times and every sign of regret will instantly vanish.
Also, you need to make it clear to yourself that your narcissist will never love you and that he is only disguised as irresistible.
Therefore, you need to take love out of this equation.
Additionally, don’t ever expect him to change toward you or any other woman in his future.
You won’t teach him a lesson by hurting him because he will do all the things he has done to you to every woman who crosses his path.
Long story short, what I’m trying to ask you is not to expect too much from this project.
You won’t get anything besides your own personal satisfaction and that is what your goal should be.
Talk about his imperfections
Although many people assume that an abuser is the one who has the control in the narcissistic relationship, it only appears this way.
As a matter of fact, every serious narcissist is actually quite vulnerable and he only pretends to be tough and self-confident while the reality is quite different.
Once you understand that he chose to be with you because he needs you to boost his ego, you’ll also understand that you are actually in complete control of the situation and you’ll realize how easy it is to rock his world.
Although it doesn’t seem this way, all narcissists have a very fragile ego and their low self-confidence is their weakest spot.
They act like they love themselves and like they think they are perfect but actually this couldn’t be further from the truth.
A narcissist has only one goal in all the relationships he builds and especially in romantic ones: he wants approval and the only way he gets it is by hurting you.
When this guy first met you, he knew that you could be a good victim of his manipulations because he saw that you were enchanted by him.
He saw that he had managed to impress you and that is exactly what he has been looking for his entire life.
So if you want to really hurt him, you need to change your ways of dealing with him.
Instead of constantly complimenting and praising him, you need to focus on his flaws and imperfections.
Nevertheless, for you to do this, you need to take off your rose-tinted glasses and see this guy for who he really is and that will help you see that he is far from perfect.
Once you achieve this, you need to make sure to constantly remind him of his flaws. You don’t need to insult him directly; instead, install some self-doubt in him.
This is the biggest punishment for a narcissist. He will never stop feeling insecure, the way he wanted to make you feel, and he will start to question his every move.
You see, he has an uncontrollable urge to be perfect in everyone’s eyes and especially in the eyes of his current victim.
Therefore, this guy will do everything in his power to get your approval and to regain your admiration because that is what feeds him spiritually.
Give him a taste of his own medicine
If you’ve ever wondered what hurts a narcissist the most, the best way is to give him a taste of his own medicine.
That means that you should start treating him the way he has always been treating you—like he doesn’t matter to you.
This doesn’t mean that you should make a big announcement of going no contact or that you should threaten him that you will start treating him the way he deserves.
That would only give him a heads-up and he would know you were doing all of it just to get back at him.
Instead, you should simply start ignoring the narcissist, acting the way he deserves, step by step.
The first thing you need to do is to stop prioritizing this guy; trust me, this will crush him the most.
While you’ve been putting him first since the moment you guys met, he has always treated you as one of his options and has been always putting you at the bottom of his priority list.
So instead of waiting for him to treat you the way you treat him and the way you deserve, start acting as if he’s not very important to you.
When he calls you, feel free to give him the silent treatment or tell him you are busy and that you have other, more important, plans that you simply can’t reschedule.
You can also simply ignore his phone calls and text messages.
However, be careful not to overreact because he might lose interest completely once he sees that he isn’t getting any feedback from you.
Just play mind games with him, the same way he does with you. One day, act like he is the most important person in the world to you and the next, treat him like your last resort.
Make him beg for your attention and love, the way he was doing all along.
Make sure you are giving him just enough of yourself to keep him hooked but to always leave him craving more.
Once more, I’m begging you to be careful and not to expect him to change his ways by doing this.
Don’t expect him to understand that his behavior is wrong once he feels it on his own skin.
Remember that a narcissist always thinks that he is right and that there is nothing wrong with him treating you or others around him the way he does.
Criticize him in front of others
We’ve already stated that you can’t teach a narcissist a lesson and that you can’t teach him to care.
However, what you can do is embarrass and humiliate him.
It’s already been mentioned that the only goal of every narcissist is to get approval and to boost his own ego.
Therefore, he’s never really cared about his own personal qualities and personality traits.
As a matter of fact, he doesn’t care about how he appears in your eyes once he sees that you have fallen for him.
Nevertheless, what your narcissist cares about is the opinion of the general public and the people around him.
Remember—you were one of those people in the beginning and he did everything he could to impress you.
He’s been living his entire life in the same manner—trying to impress everyone around him and trying to hide his real personality.
He is doing all of this because he is lying to himself and because he refuses to accept his true self.
This is why most narcissists are actually much-appreciated people in their family or in business.
That’s why other people, in general, have a hard time believing narcissists’ victims and why their victims have a hard time believing themselves, thinking they are exaggerating.
Every narcissist works hard to build this imaginary world of his, in which he is a loved and respected human being.
So if you want to hurt him for all the pain he has put you through, you need to burst his bubble.
Hurt him the same way he tends to hurt people. One of the most effective ways to do this is to start embarrassing and humiliating him in front of others.
I’m not saying you should always do this directly, nor that you should insult him in front of others. Nevertheless, when you think about it, you know this guy the best.
You know his vulnerabilities and all of his flaws, no matter how hard he has been trying to hide them. Therefore, instead of praising him in front of everyone, focus on his flaws.
You just need to be subtle to prevent him from realizing your real intentions, otherwise he will run for his life.
If you want to humiliate him, diminish his worth in front of everyone around him and simply act like you are above him—the same way he has always been acting toward you.
This will never have the same effect unless you do it publicly.
No narcissist can stand people looking down on him or ridiculing him and that is exactly what you should accomplish if you want to really put him down.
When a narcissist feels more insecure than usual, it will make him question his every move and decision.
It will lower his confidence even more and it will make him paranoid.
Of course, every time he accuses you of trying to do this, make sure you convince him he is imagining things and that you are only trying to give him some advice for his own good.
Make him question your love for him
A narcissistic manipulator has to be sure of your love for him.
From the moment he laid eyes on you, his only goal was to make you crazy and madly in love with him. Without it, he can’t really do his job of manipulating you and using you, can he?
Remember how he pretended to be this perfect guy in the beginning? How he treated you like a queen and how he always put your needs in front of everyone else’s?
Remember how he acted like you were the woman of his dreams and the most important person in his life, telling you that he truly loved you?
Remember how happy you were that you had finally met the love of your life and someone who could make you happy and who could make you feel loved and wanted, no matter what?
Well, I am sure that now you know that all of this was a mask.
Every narcissist behaves like this until he gets what he wants. You need to keep in mind that narcissistic men are different from the majority of men out there.
So, when I say that he treats you nicely until he gets what he wants, I am not talking here about just sleeping together.
Of course, physical intimacy is important to him but that’s not his end goal.
You sleeping with him is not enough. Instead, he wants to be sure that he has you completely and that means that he wants to make sure he is inside your heart, soul and head.
Therefore, if you really want to hurt him, you can never give him this realization.
A narcissist can never be sure of your love for him to the point where he starts taking you for granted.
At first, he will make big, romantic gestures and he will have no trouble whatsoever verbalizing his emotions to you.
He is doing this only to lead you on and for you to think about how special he is.
A narcissist wants to make sure that he has left a permanent mark on your life and that is something you can never let him think.
Instead, make him question your emotions and your intentions.
Don’t give him the silent treatment right away and don’t go no contact overnight because that will make him break up all ties with you before you get your revenge.
Instead, make him wonder if you ever loved him or if your entire relationship was an act.
For example, don’t be the one who reaches out to him first. Instead, when he sends you text messages or calls you, pretend that you couldn’t wait to hear from him.
Play hot and cold games and confuse him.
Make him wonder if there is someone else in your life and whether he played you or if he was the one who got played.
This is a sure-fire way to play with a narcissist’s head and crush his fragile ego that only thrives when he’s putting you down and getting his narcissistic supply in the process.
Now that the tables have turned, watch him scratch his head in disbelief as everything he thought he knew comes crashing down.
I know that you probably think that this, what I am about to tell you, is just a cliché that you’ve heard a million times.
I know you think that what you’re about to hear is an empty phrase and that this is something that doesn’t cross your mind whenever you think of how to hurt a narcissistic man.
However, let me tell you something; if you’re wondering what hurts a narcissist the most, loving and respecting yourself is the best revenge that will wind him up more than anything.
All narcissists feel insecure and have deep emotional issues and self-esteem problems.
However they are not aware of their narcissistic personality disorder and they don’t want to admit to themselves or to others that they actually need professional help.
Therefore, they try to heal themselves through their victims and one of them is you.
Your narcissist can’t stand being around someone who has high self-esteem and who doesn’t have ego problems, especially if that someone is a woman.
Therefore, instead of him working on his own issues and problems, he tries to pull his victims down to his level.
He tries to destroy their confidence because that is the only way for him to feel valuable and worthy.
Deep down, he is aware of his insecurities and he tries to mask them by diminishing you and making you question your worth because this is the only way for him to feel above you and for him to feel better about himself.
Once he accomplishes this, his mission has been successful. So if you really want to hurt him, you need to prove to him that he has failed to make you miserable.
You need to prove to him that you feel good about yourself and that you see your worth, even though he never has.
You need to show him that you respect yourself, even though he has never done so.
You need to prove to him that you truly love and prioritize yourself, even though he never has because that really is the best possible revenge.
Once that becomes true and it’s not just empty words, two amazing things will happen.
Firstly you will finally be free from under his spell and able to move forward healed and damage-free.
Secondly, your narcissist’s world will start tumbling down upon seeing you truly content and fulfilled without him. And this will be the biggest win of your life.
Hurting a narcissist is a tough task. One must be fully ready, both emotionally and physically, for the toll it’s going to take on you.
NPD is a real thing and when you’re dealing with an individual unwilling to deal with his demons, you need to play it smart.
The most important thing is to make sure your emotional and mental health are ready for this.
Get your head in the game by promising yourself you’re never going to let a narcissist take control of your life ever again.
This was the last straw and from now on, it’s your way or the highway.
Once you get to a point where you’re able to distance yourself from him while knowing his reign over you is 100% done, you’re already halfway there.
However, if you want to finish him off, I highly suggest the above 6 proven methods.
What hurts a narcissist the most is the thought of losing control of his victim.
Knowing he no longer has a hold over you and that you’ve returned to your old, true self, his ego will begin to diminish and the rest of the tricks stated here will finish the job.
Good luck and remember, always put your own sanity before anyone else’s. You are what matters.
Whoever doesn’t get that, show them how sorry they’ll be if they merely think of taking advantage of your heart.
You will never stand for that ever again. Lesson learned!
What Is A Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Before actually doing anything which will help your process of narcissistic abuse recovery, you have to be perfectly aware of what you’re dealing with.
First and foremost, it’s crucial for you to know that we’re talking about a serious mental disorder here. A covert narcissist is much more than a toxic manipulator.
He is someone you can’t have a healthy relationship with so if you keep on hoping that he will change, think again.
When narcissists hurt people, they’re actually getting their narcissistic supply from their victim’s pain.
Only once a narcissist sees that his loved one is heartbroken by their actions will he be satisfied, since only now he is certain that you’re emotionally codependent on him.
In fact, this emotional codependency is their final goal.
A narcissist is gaslighting you, giving you reasons for self-doubt and ends up breaking your heart so he can break you completely and make you feel like you can’t live without him.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Well, if that is the case, sadly, you’ve been involved in a narcissistic relationship with a sociopath.
Even though you’re no longer trapped in this hell, the sole breakup of your relationship didn’t bring you the peace you expected. In fact, you still feel the consequences of your past.
Deep down, it’s important for you that your narcissist feels what you felt during all those years of his tyranny.
Don’t beat yourself up about this and there is no need to apologize for feeling like this.
In fact, it only makes sense that you want to get even because what hurts a narcissist the most is being given a taste of his own medicine!
Narcissistic abuse recovery is a long road, which means it’s going to take time for you to feel like yourself again and restore your mental health.
Before engaging in vengeful endeavors, try asking for help first.
For starters, try talking to your best friends or family members. Your loved ones will understand you, even if they haven’t walked a mile in your shoes.
Your family members can help you get back on the right track again and regain your healthy state of mind before putting your plan of hurting your covert narcissist into action.
Nevertheless, if that doesn’t work, you can always turn to a professional.
There are many experts who wrote their Ph.D. thesis on NPD and similar mental disorders and who can give you the advice you need.
Then, you’ll be ready to repair the damage he inflicted upon you and finally stop apologizing to this man who deserves exactly what he put you through—and then some.
Get rid of your defense mechanism because you won’t be needing it anymore.
It’s time to stand your ground, decide to put yourself first and find the best way to get back at your narcissist without compromising your sanity.
After healing your heart and putting an end to this long story of narcissistic abuse, you’ll be getting back your self-confidence and the best revenge is being happier than ever without him!
Get ready to hurt your narcissist, get out of there with your head held high and with your heart in one piece.