Hooray, are you ready for another huge milestone in your relationship? But, wait… how soon is too soon to move in together?
Moving in with your significant other is a big step in any relationship, but knowing when the right time is to do it can be a challenging decision to make.
If you move in too soon, you risk ruining your relationship before it even officially starts.
Deciding to move in together depends on so many factors from finances to the way you’re dealing (or not dealing) with relationship problems.
Every couple’s relationship is unique and develops at a different pace, so learning how soon is too soon to move in together is an individual thing.
Usually, couples agree to move in together after they’ve known each other for six months or a year.
Cohabitation offers so many advantages like dividing household chores, sharing finances, the ability to hug your loved one whenever you want to, and many more.
Now, it wouldn’t be realistic of me if I only focused on the pros of cohabiting, so I’ll be honest with you: Living with your significant other can (at times) be a real nightmare.
BUT, it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with an open and honest conversation.
You see, living together is all about compromising, respecting each other’s differences, supporting one another, and being willing to work on improving yourself.
Do you think you and your partner are ready for all that? Let’s find out together!
5 Warning Signs It’s Too Soon To Move In Together
You’re using it as a way to test the strength of your relationship
Do you feel deep down in your heart that moving in with him or her might be a bad decision because it’s too soon, but you’re still determined to do it?
Is the reason why you want to move in together your desire to test the strength of your relationship?
If the person you’re in love with is giving you mixed signals or if you have some underlying issues in your relationship, it’s natural for you to start suspecting that things aren’t as they seem or as they should be.
Still, this doesn’t mean that you should force yourself to move in with someone just for the sake of testing your relationship.
If you do that, chances are that both of you will end up disappointed once you start facing all those red flags that you should have dealt with beforehand.
You haven’t had a conversation about your financial goals
I know what you think: Talking about finances is so boring and not hot at all. But, guess what? If you intend to live with your partner, it is necessary to have a conversation about your financial goals.
If you avoid such conversations, you risk having lots of future arguments with your partner in case you decide to live together.
Setting couple goals is the key to every happy relationship.
Not so long ago, I was dating a gamer guy for six months. We were spending a great amount of time together.
He was my best friend, lover, and partner in crime, but when we talked about moving in together, for the first time, I was skeptical about everything (especially when I thought about finances).
Since his main job was playing games 24/7, I knew I wouldn’t be able to rely on him when it came to financial goals, so I politely rejected the idea of moving in together.
The thing is, every new relationship is full of excitement, but also pressure. When the honeymoon phase ends, the reality begins to strike.
You still haven’t had your FIRST big argument
How soon is too soon to move in with someone? Well, if you haven’t had your first argument yet, then I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this means it’s too soon to move in with someone.
When you start living with someone, you will have more arguments than ever before because you’ll be spending more time together than ever before. This is totally healthy and even desirable.
Every single one of us has a different approach when it comes to arguing. Some of us are stubborn to the core while others are more realistic and willing to compromise.
If you still haven’t had your first big argument, then it’s hard to know how it will look. The last thing you need is having to end your long-term relationship right after you’ve had an argument.
Both partners need to be willing to admit when they are wrong and deal with things in a healthy (or should I say non-toxic) way.
You’re using it as a way to fix problems in your relationship
Do you or your partner have trust issues because you’ve been hurt before and now it is reflecting on your current relationship?
Do you have commitment issues or any other problems that are characteristic of modern relationships?
If yes, then you shouldn’t rush into moving in together. If you think that cohabitation will somehow magically fix all your issues, think again.
Based on my personal experience, I can tell you for sure that moving in together before facing problems in your relationship is the worst thing you could do to yourself and your partner.
By rushing to move in together, even though you know there are some things in your relationship you need to deal with first, you’re running away from problems.
Your problems will not disappear, they will become even bigger and more complex than before.
You feel pressured to do it
Usually, when one partner is ready to move in together and the other one is not, levels of pressure significantly increase.
If your partner is constantly reminding you that you should start living together with him or her and you’re not really sure whether it’s a good idea, then they are subconsciously pressuring you to make a decision.
If this is the case with you, forget about what your partner wants for a moment and think about what it is that you really want!
Do you want to move in with them? Do you think you’re not ready for it? Or, do you need more time to make a decision?
Whatever your answer is, keep in mind that you shouldn’t move in just because you feel forced to do it.
Be honest with yourself and you’ll find an answer to the question: How soon is too soon to move in?
10 Signs You’re Ready To Move In With Your Partner
You’ve had an honest conversation about your budget and finances
A lot of people avoid having this conversation because it can be really awkward, but living together is not only about Netflix and chilling.
There are lots of serious things that need to be discussed beforehand.
One of those things is talking about your budget and finances. If you will be looking for new digs, then you have to first agree on a price range. As always, making a compromise is the best bet.
Be realistic and think about whether living together will be possible or not after considering your income(s). Is your partner making more money than you? Will you be sharing expenses?
There are so many other questions that you need to ask yourself before you decide to move in together.
You’re not doing it just because of finances
I’m not a relationship expert, but I can tell you for sure that moving in just because of finances is a surefire way to doom your relationship.
Yes, sharing your expenses with another person is a huge advantage, but you shouldn’t base your decision on that.
Are you genuinely interested in living with your partner because you feel it is the right thing to do? Do you think that moving in together is the natural sequence of your relationship? Take some time to think about all of this.
You’ve already practiced living together for a few days
Are they a long-distance person you met on social media or have you been dating them in real life so far? There’s a huge difference between the two.
If you’ve been dating for some time now, chances are that you have already spent some time living together. For example, they come to your place or you come to theirs and spend a few nights there.
How did you feel when you woke up next to them? Did you feel anxious about having them around your place or did it feel totally natural and the way it should feel?
Before deciding to move in with someone, it is advisable to have a trial period for a few days.
You would be surprised at how many things you can learn about your partner in just a short period of time spent with them.
You’ve successfully traveled together
Traveling is my favorite part of a relationship. I instantly imagine the sheer excitement in both partners eyes about discovering new things, visiting new places and doing fun things together.
But, sometimes, traveling with your significant other can be frustrating. For example, let’s say that your partner is interested in visiting one place while you’re interested in visiting another.
What would you do? Would you compromise or force them to do as you wish?
If you’ve successfully traveled together, then you know how to deal with this and similar situations, and there’s nothing you should worry about.
You’re completely honest with each other
Honesty is the best policy. You’ve probably heard this saying multiple times and there’s a reason why it’s so popular. Honesty and trust are the two most important things in every relationship.
Think about whether you have any financial secrets like debts, student loans, etc., or some other secrets that your partner should know about.
Many people think: Oh, this is not a big deal and it’s none of my partner’s concern. But, hey, you two will be living together, and in that case, it is their concern as well.
If you feel that you’re having difficulty being honest with your partner, or if you are dealing with some other relationship issues, then consider visiting a relationship therapist.
You don’t feel pressured to move in together
There are many factors that can make you feel pressured to move in together, such as a global lockdown due to the coronavirus, your finances, and others.
Sometimes, your partner can be the one pressuring you to share living space.
If you don’t feel any kind of pressure to move in together, then this is a good sign. It means that you want to do it because you feel it’s the right thing to do and not because you HAVE TO.
There’s nothing worse than making decisions on the fly. Whatever you’re experiencing in life at the moment, know that moving in together is not a solution to your personal or relationship problems.
You’ve had your first big argument (and you survived it)
When it comes to dating and relationships, one thing is for sure: You won’t experience your first argument on your first date, your second date, or even after a few weeks.
You will spend a lot of time together before your first big argument arises.
And, when it happens, you want to make sure that you’re capable of surviving it and dealing with it in a healthy way.
Living together means facing plenty of arguments on a daily basis (or on a weekly basis), so it’s good to know that this won’t affect the quality of your relationship.
Perhaps your partner enjoys longer showers, which might annoy you, especially when you’re in a hurry. Or, they have different self-care practices and other habits that you might find annoying.
Repeatedly arguing over the same things is not a solution. So, before you start looking for new digs, ask yourself one of the most important relationship questions:
Do you both have healthy arguing styles? Do you argue in a healthy way or in a toxic way?
You don’t sweep your relationship problems under the carpet
How do you know you’re ready to move in together? Well, if you don’t sweep your relationship problems under the carpet, but instead, face them, then you’re definitely ready for cohabitation with your partner.
Many couples think that refusing to acknowledge their problems will somehow magically make them disappear. This never happens.
If you don’t address your relationship issues, you’re subconsciously helping them to grow bigger and bigger until they explode and turn into a big, toxic argument. Don’t let that happen.
If you’re ready to be open and honest about everything, then you have nothing to worry about.
You’ve had a conversation about your future
Have you talked to your partner about your big step – moving in together? Deciding to live together is not something that you choose to do on impulse.
Before living together, you need to have a conversation about your future as well as your expectations of your cohabitation.
Why am I moving in together? What does moving in together mean to me? What are our plans for the future?
These are the questions that you need to ask yourself. If you or your partner wants to start living together for the wrong reasons, then it’s better to talk about it on time.
You have a plan B
Many people think that having an exit strategy or a plan B is for pessimistic individuals. I don’t see it that way, and here’s why.
No matter how much you two love each other, there’s no guarantee that you won’t face some hardships in your relationship.
Relationship problems that are beyond fixing can ruin even the strongest relationships.
When that happens, it’s good to know that you have a plan B. Talk to your partner about what would happen in case things didn’t work out.
Perhaps you or your partner will stay in the apartment or one of you will decide to save some money for a new one.
The worst thing that could happen to you is being stuck in the same apartment just because you have no other options due to a poor financial plan.
Are you ready to move in together or do you need more time to make a decision?
So, how soon is too soon to move in with your new partner? Deciding when the right time is to start cohabiting with your significant other is an individual thing.
Some partners are ready after a few months of being together while others (for various reasons) need more time to make that decision.
If you’re having second thoughts about moving in with your partner, you need to be honest with yourself and take a look at every aspect of your relationship.
You need to focus on the reason(s) why you are insecure about that move. It’s perfectly normal if you need more time to think about all the pros and cons of such an important decision.
After all, living together is not something that can be decided overnight. There are many factors that can influence the quality of your relationship and cohabiting.
If both of you are responsible, willing to compromise, and ready to deal with everyday challenges instead of sweeping them under the carpet, then you can be sure that moving in together is the right decision!