At some point in any relationship, the time comes when you need to ask yourself if the relationship is worth sticking it out, or if it’s maybe time to move on to something better for yourself.
It’s a difficult question to be faced with because on the one hand, this is the person you have dedicated a pretty big chunk of your life to, and you don’t want to see all of your effort turn out to have been for nothing, but on the other hand, it doesn’t seem to be clicking anymore, so is the past you share really worth sticking it out?
In many of my relationships, I have been faced with this dilemma, and it was never easy making this decision. It is so tough having to hurt the person you love, and let’s face it, even if it’s not working out anymore, the love doesn’t just vanish into thin air all of a sudden. It’s still there!
So knowing that I do still have feelings for this person, it was that much harder deciding whether to stay or leave. There were always telltale signs when I think about it now… I just never wanted to see them.
Eventually, even in situations where I did stay, despite things being far from perfect… it always came to an end. Love can only take you so far, and I’ve learned it the hard way.
My point is, always listen to your gut. Your feelings are important, but when something inside of you is telling you to leave and not look back, that’s probably what you should be doing.
You always know what’s right for you—sometimes you just decide not to see it. And that’s okay… we’re all guilty of that at times. There’s nothing wrong with being an eternal optimist about love, as long as you don’t put up with shit you really shouldn’t tolerate.
Which brings me to this. I’ve let it slide one to many times for the sake of love, but don’t be foolish like me. Take responsibility for your relationship, and don’t put up with shitty treatment. Decide that your needs are important, and don’t let him get away with anything you’re not okay with.
Why should you give your life to a person incapable of appreciating you?
Enough is enough. If you’re struggling with this perpetual dilemma between staying and hitting the road, pay attention to these 10 major signs that your gut is right and that it really is time to dump his ass.
10 major signs it’s time to dump him
1. He rarely gives you attention
Now, don’t get this wrong. I’m not saying that you should be the center of his universe or anything.
But if it takes him a long time to answer your calls or texts, and even when you’re together, you never feel like you have his full attention, it indicates that you’re not important enough to him.
If he’s always on his phone when you’re together and then when you leave it takes him ages to get back to you… I think you get the picture.
Don’t be with someone who doesn’t appreciate your presence. Rather, show him how much he’s going to miss you when you’re gone.
2. It just doesn’t feel right
You can’t quite put your finger on it, but there’s something that’s just off, and you don’t know what it is.
It doesn’t have to mean that it’s something that he does wrong. It can simply indicate that he’s wrong for you, and no matter how good of a man he is, you two just aren’t meant to be.
This is your gut telling you it’s time to dump him. Don’t ignore this feeling because it’s telling you something your conscious mind is not yet aware of.
Stop wasting your time on a good guy who doesn’t feel right for you, and go out there and give yourself a chance to find your Mr. Right.
3. He’s obnoxious
When you first met, he was obnoxious, and now, after all this time, nothing has changed. His personality is just not appealing. You had hoped it would change as your relationship evolved, but unfortunately, it never happened.
You’re unsure of whether you should include him when you visit your friends and family because you’re scared that his personality will be extremely off-putting, and they will dislike him.
Who can blame them? If you’re dating a guy who doesn’t try in the least bit to be on his good behavior, even when you clearly wish he would, what are you still doing with him?
Is that the man you want to be the father of your children some day? Didn’t think so… so go and find yourself a guy with good manners who will know how to act without you needing to tell him all the time.
4. He has a volatile temperament
He can be very aggressive, and the smallest things bug the shit out of him. He often loses his temper, and he screams a LOT. Oftentimes, at you.
He’s extremely uneasy, and you’re always scared that something will set him off.
No, you didn’t deserve this, and it is never your fault when he acts like this! There is nothing you could possibly do that would justify his erratic, violent behavior!
Don’t wait for him to resort to physical violence—dump him immediately! He’s got issues—don’t let him take it out on you. Even if he hasn’t been that aggressive with you specifically, who’s to say he won’t be in the future?
That’s his temperament, and it’s only a matter of time before he starts bringing that toxic, violent behavior into your relationship. So leave, and don’t look back.
5. He has no ambitions whatsoever
He’s always jumping from one job to another, unable to hold one job for too long. He’s always broke, and he doesn’t show any interest in changing his situation.
He spends his time lounging in front of the TV, not wanting to commit to anything. He’s just too lazy to care!
Don’t tolerate this behavior for much longer. If you do, you’ll regret it in the future when you end up married with kids! It’s actually common for men like this to find an intelligent, hard-working woman to leech off because you will make his lazy lifestyle that much easier for him.
Dump his lazy ass before he disrupts your life even more. He’s clearly set on being the unproductive partner, letting you do all the hard work, so show him that you’re no longer doing that, and leave him once and for all.
6. He doesn’t care much about your needs
All he’s worried about is himself and his own wants and needs. He simply overlooks your own. Be they emotional or physical, he just doesn’t pay much attention to them. As long as he’s taken care of, there’s not much else that interests him.
He never tries to make you feel good about yourself. He minimizes your problems and makes you appear needy and clingy when you express your issues with anything really.
Clearly, you are the one who holds the power over making yourself feel okay, but isn’t your man supposed to make you feel good when your days are shitty? And isn’t he supposed to pamper you a little to make you see he cares and pays attention?
There’s no excuse if he doesn’t contribute to your happiness at all. If he loves you, he won’t be able to stand seeing you sad or hurt.
If he just seem oblivious to all of this, dump him. You deserve SO much better.
7. He’s giving you reasons to feel jealous
You’re not the jealous type, and you don’t want to be THAT girl… but lately, he’s been giving you so many reasons to be jealous.
He’s been coming home later than usual. You can smell a different perfume on him, and he avoids answering where he’s been and why he’s late yet again.
All of a sudden, his voice is quieter when he’s on the phone, and he’s been getting late-night phone-calls that he refuses to say anything about. If any of this is the case, he’s giving you plenty of reasons to be suspicious!
There’s all kinds of wrong with this, and if he’s defensive when asked about it and refuses to own up to his shit, he’s clearly hiding something, and you should under no circumstances put up with it.
If you feel like he’s definitely hiding something from you, listen to your gut feeling. There’s no reason you should be letting him play you for a fool like this.
Leave him if he’s not offering any kind of explanation for his shady behavior, and don’t regret it for one second. You’re doing the right thing for yourself.
8. Your ideas about the future are completely different
You dream of having a big family, moving to the suburbs one day, and living a quiet, peaceful family life. He doesn’t want to get hitched any time soon, he’s not sure if he wants to be a father and suburbs is the last thing on his mind.
Clearly, you have opposite dreams of what your future looks like. What to do about this?
Not one of you is in the wrong here. You both have every right to have your ideas of your ideal future, and maybe it’s best that you get it out in the open now, before your dreams clash and leave you angry and bitter some time down the road.
Respect each other’s wishes, and if you don’t see any middle ground, maybe it’s best to part ways, before things get too complicated and you get too invested.
Leave before anyone gets hurt.
9. He has no respect for you
He puts you down and doesn’t care how it makes you feel. When you’re in public, he has no problem disregarding your feelings and saying whatever comes to his mind, no matter how bad that makes you look.
He mocks the things you love and doesn’t even try to understand them. He somehow always manages to find a way to make you look foolish, and it just kills you inside.
Dump him! Not only is he a world-class asshole, he also has issues with his troubled personality, and that is not the kind of man you want in your future.
If he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t even care to, let him know it’s over and dump his ass. Your man is supposed to make you feel better about yourself, not doubt everything you say and do. He’s just a jerk, and you’re so much better without him.
10. He’s just not making you happy
Ultimately, this should be your biggest red flag. Sometimes, it all comes down to this. Does this man bring you joy? Do you feel extreme happiness knowing you get to come home to him? And does being in his company make your soul happy?
If the answer to these is NO, then you’ve got your answer.
He can be an amazing human being. He can treat you right and always say the right things. He can respect you, your values, and never undermine you. But if he does not make you HAPPY, there is no reason why you should be with him.
Being in a relationship is supposed to make your life easier and happier. Knowing you have this person who’s there for you in good times and bad, and just seeing his face which lights your soul on fire is the whole point of being together.
If you have to keep making excuses as to why you should stay with him, stop. You don’t owe anyone anything. And if he’s really as nice as he seems, he’s going to understand.
You deserve to find a person who’s going to make your days instantly better. You deserve to feel your heart racing when you’re in his presence—don’t deny yourself this. Dump him if he’s not making you feel like this, and find someone who will!