Through the course of my life, I’ve had my fair share of toxic relationships and guys who never really knew how to give me what I needed and simply love me.
You never really see it at the time, and you always try to idealize and romanticize what you have, because you are so eager to find what you’re looking for that you go against yourself and tolerate what you shouldn’t.
In hindsight, many of my relationships totally exceeded their duration mark long before I ended them.
Now I see it clearly, but at the time, it was completely lost on me.
I always put up with shit that I should not have, because I believed that if I cared enough, the guy would come through.
He would see my effort and decide to chip in and offer something of substance for a change.
It almost never happened.
I got my hopes crushed more times than I’d like to admit, and quite frankly, I am half to blame. And that is my whole point here.
When the guy keeps proving to you how little he cares and how little he is willing to offer, and you still decide to make excuses for him, you are enabling that toxic behaviour in him.
He sees that he can get away with being an ass of a boyfriend, and he uses it to his advantage. So stop letting him!
You are worthy of someone who will love you every hour of the day, and not just when it suits him.
You are worthy of someone who will text you first and make plans with you because he WANTS to see you, and not because he feels he has to.
You are worthy of someone who will appreciate your effort too much to take it so lightly.
Don’t let your fear of loneliness make you choose the wrong guy.
Instead, decide that you are riding solo until the guy who actually gives a damn shows up in your life. And not a minute sooner.
For so long, I kept putting in the biggest amount of effort only to be left hanging half the time.
I always felt so worthless and like crap, but I never really knew how to stand up for what I deserve.
I was always afraid that nobody else would find me good enough.
I thought that I was too difficult to love and decided to accept bits and pieces rather than be single.
And that is the greatest mistake you can make.
Excuses don’t make a relationship. Effort does!
So when you settle for the type of behaviour than only leaves you half-fulfilled, that is all you are ever going to get.
And is that really what you want?
Some guys just can’t be bothered to show up when you need them, and that’s on them.
Be thankful that they showed you their real face before you fell too hard.
Some guys think that they are being all macho and shit if they don’t show you the respect you deserve and appreciate what you give them.
And those guys are exactly who you don’t want to end up with.
You want to find a guy who can give you what you need and won’t drain you on a daily basis.
A guy who will appreciate your effort, put in the same amount of work, and never disrespect you or make you feel worthless.
That is what a real man really is. One who isn’t afraid to show his emotional side and one who will stick true to his word.
Anything else truly isn’t worth the bother!
Your needs are important. You deserve someone who will treat you like a queen at the end of a long, tiring day.
Someone who will ask you how you are and actually want to hear about it.
You are a strong, confident, badass woman who doesn’t have time for excuses and assholes.
And the next guy who shows up at your door with zero effort can show himself out immediately.
Learn from my mistakes.
It took me a really long time to realize and accept that no matter how busy someone is and how much they have on their plate, if they want to see you, they are going to see you!
People always find time for those they truly want to find time for.
Remember that the next time you make an excuse for why he bailed on you yet again.
You are not difficult to love, you are just too used to being around assholes who can’t (and never will) give you what you need!
Even on your darkest days when you don’t love yourself, the man who is right for you is going to love you like hell.
He is going to fight for you and never let you put yourself down.
He will make you feel what all those deadbeats couldn’t, and then you will finally understand the importance of valuing yourself above anyone else.
Only after you finally realize you are worthy of that wonderful type of love are you going to let yourself let go of unworthy men and accept only what makes your heart skip a beat!