‘Why is he ignoring my texts all of a sudden?’ is a question that unfortunately a lot of us had to ask ourself at one point in our love life, and it’s one of the hardest questions to answer. It hurts both your feelings and your pride when a man you formed a connection with suddenly forgets you exist.
When I was in a situation like this, my mind tried to make sense of it all. The first thing I thought of was that he must have been in some kind of horrible accident and he was unable to get in touch. I guess when you are trying to comfort or delude yourself with all the possible scenarios, your brain goes for the one that is least likely to happen.
It didn’t matter to me that we had just started dating. It lasted about a month, which is not a very long time when you think about it. But when you keep texting with somebody every day as much as you can, you can’t help but miss those texts when they stop all of a sudden.
We went out on a few dates that went really well—at least they did as far as I was concerned.
We really had a lot of things in common, so we always had something interesting to text or talk about. Among all the other things, we shared the same taste in music, which was odd as nobody usually likes the same music as I do. At least not any of the men I know anyway. That should have been the first sign that something was off.
For a while there, he was someone who mattered to me, someone I started developing feelings for, someone I could see myself getting into a relationship with and then suddenly, by simply ignoring my texts, he took all that away from me.
He disappeared from my life, leaving me with no explanation for doing so. And after a month of constant communication, I think I deserved at least that—a reason why he no longer wished to be in my life, or for him to know a sense of the pain I was feeling.
I can’t really say I was heartbroken. I didn’t even get the chance to let him in my heart; we needed more time for that. But he sure created what could have been feelings in me and I couldn’t stop my brain from working overtime.
I kept asking myself, “Why is he ignoring my texts all of a sudden?”, “How could he leave without saying anything?”, “Doesn’t he know he is disrespecting me and causing me pain?”, “Why do I miss him this much?” and getting no answer.
When talking to my friends, I saw that a lot of them had been through the same. They also had no answers. They had made peace that not everything needs an answer. And while I agree with them to some extent, I had to find out all the possible reasons why someone would ignore my texts all of a sudden, why someone would ignore me.
I conducted some research. Since I obviously couldn’t get the answers I needed from the person who was ignoring me, I talked to 30 men and asked them the same questions that were echoing in my head. I had to know what makes them disappear. And this is what I have found out:
1. They prefer to disappear than to say that they are not into you
It’s not manly and they know it’s not OK but it’s easier than facing a girl you have been dating for some time and admit that you are not into her that much. Unlike women, men prefer to avoid any conversation that involves emotions. They don’t want to explain at length why something is not working for them. They don’t want to make a woman sad. They actually believe that it’s easier for a woman if they just ghost her.
2. They weren’t dating or texting with just you exclusively
If you came across a player, they have their phone full of other women’s texts and odds are they probably weren’t going out on dates with just you either. They left their options open. While you were getting your hopes up, they were just testing the waters. He might have fallen for another girl or he might have just broadened his horizons by including more women in his texting game. Either way, you are lucky he stopped texting you—you dodged a bullet.
3. They chose to give up because you were too available
Even in the early stages of dating, a man can detect if you would drop everything just to spend time with him. You text back immediately. You can go out with him anytime, night or day. And that sends a message that you are a bit desperate, which is naturally a major turn-off. Think about it—if you had a man in your life who was bending over backward to accommodate you, you would probably ignore him too. Being too available doesn’t leave any sense of mystery or excitement in a relationship and it gets boring way too fast.
4. He gave up because you were playing hard to get
This is the complete opposite of being too available. Women are repeatedly told that by playing hard to get, they will get a man to chase them. And while that’s true to some degree, ignoring him to get his attention can be very effective if it’s done right, though some women tend to go overboard. They exaggerate so they come off as cold and uninterested. They never text first and they don’t match the man’s efforts so he doesn’t see any other option than to quit. They forget that they should find the balance between ignoring a man and being too available.
5. You fell into the trap of idealizing the man you just started dating
When they start dating somebody, most women feel instant chemistry with them or feel some incredible connection on a deeper level, so they put that man on a pedestal. They don’t see the real him, they see a picture-perfect version of him they have created in their mind. Maybe he was perfect on paper but that doesn’t mean he would be perfect for you. All in all, if he was so perfect, he would have chosen you.
6. You set the bar too low
If a man (especially a player or some other toxic personality type) sees that he can treat you like he wants and that you will always be there, he will do exactly that. He won’t text you back right now but odds are he will after some time because he thinks you will stay put and wait for his text. If you haven’t made your standards clear, he will assume you have none and that he can come and go from your life as he pleases. If you let him in again he will simply repeat this scenario as many times as you allow him and you will be left wondering, “Why is he ignoring my texts all of a sudden?”
7. You were moving way too fast for him
You just started dating and you already started picturing your entire future with him. If you mentioned marriage, commitment or children way too soon, that’s one of the reasons why he is not texting back and is running as far away as he can from you. If you are the type of woman who moves too fast, you should really reconsider lowering your pace. It’s no wonder that he got spooked. Things need time to evolve. Take it one step at a time next time around.
8. To him, something just didn’t add up
He likes you but he doesn’t like you enough to date you. He probably chose to ignore your texts so as not to hurt you additionally by saying the wrong thing. We can all agree that’s not the best way to end things but he chose it nevertheless. It has nothing to do with you. There is nothing you could have done differently. To him, something just felt off and he flaked, not having the courage to even send a simple text.
9. You keep on choosing the same type of man over and over again.
I believe this is where I got it wrong. The guy who disappeared on me was really similar to all the other guys I dated. I guess I do have a type in the end and that type is emotionally unavailable men. If you are in the same or a similar situation as I was in, it’s high time to change your dating pattern. Choose differently next time. Don’t go on a date with someone who matches the exact description of your ex or someone who is clearly not ready to date casually, let alone enter into a relationship.
In the end, the important thing here is not to overanalyze. Believe me, I’ve been there and it led me nowhere. I dissected the whole situation. I tortured my friends into helping me with my analysis and to soothe this overthinking brain of mine. When I think about it now, I believe I bored them to death about some guy I dated for just a month or so.
I was so obsessed with getting to the bottom of things that I couldn’t see things clearly. I conducted this research so I could help women who are in similar situation to me. At least these reasons may open your eyes and make you choose more wisely next time around.
It helped me in a way also. I believe that reason number nine is the real reason why he was ignoring my texts all of a sudden and why he disappeared from my life. Maybe someone will also find the reason for their almost boyfriend flaking out on them. Maybe there is someone who, like me, has the bad luck of falling for emotionally unavailable men.
At the end of the day, there is nothing that can tell me for certain what was going on in his head when he decided it was time to ignore our existence. And you know what? Maybe it isn’t important. People do things that make no sense all the time and that’s something that is their problem, not ours.
I don’t think I lost much when he decided to abandon my life and my inbox. But I guess that investigative mode was triggered inside of me and I wanted to give myself some kind of closure since I was deprived of any.
All in all, I learned a valuable lesson from all of this. It doesn’t matter why he behaved the way he did. What matters is that he chose not to be in my life. That his behavior is not the behavior of a man I want in my life anyway. That there is no answer good enough for poor behavior. That some things were never meant to be and that there is only one thing to do—let it go and move on with your life.