She didn’t want to fall in love with you. That was something she feared the most.
She tried to avoid you because she knew her heart was going to defy what her mind wanted. She knew her heart had made another decision—a decision she knew she would regret.
She didn’t even want to like you, let alone love you. And then, all of a sudden, she found herself in a situation she couldn’t control anymore.
Every time she saw you, she felt butterflies in her stomach. Every time someone mentioned your name, a smile sneaked up on her face. She knew you were bad for her, but her heart wouldn’t listen.
She knew she shouldn’t love you and she feared to love you. Her heart had been broken too many times before and she knew the feeling too well.
Unfortunately, this time her heart gave her no choice but to only beat and ache for you.
She was scared to love you because she had been through that already. She knew what was waiting for her.
She knew one person will get out of this with their heart shattered into a million pieces and that person won’t be you.
She was scared to love you because she knew that this false happiness temporarily blinded her.
This short-lasting feeling of excitement, the hope that she had finally found true love threw her off her tracks.
It made her forget about her past and about all those times she’d been happy at the beginning—and wounded and hurt at the end.
She was scared to love you because you gave her hope. You let her believe you were the real man for her. You smiled at her like she was the only one in the world that mattered to you.
You took her hand and hugged her when she needed your touch. But none of these things were sincere. None of it was real. This wasn’t unconditional love—it was something completely else.
This was you wasting her time and giving her false hopes. This was you taking advantage of her soft heart.
She was scared to love you because she knew you would disappear with no closure at all, not even a goodbye or you would make false excuses and stupid reasons which she wouldn’t understand.
She knew she would be left alone, hopelessly wondering what she did wrong even though it was never her fault.
She was scared to love you because she knew she would get hurt.
She is a girl with a soft and sensitive heart. She is just an ordinary girl who didn’t want to love you in the first place. You sneaked up on her and seduced her heart with empty words and your false appearance.
You enchanted her wearing your ‘good guy’ mask. You’ve hurt her because you never cared about her.
You never bothered asking yourself why she was so scared or what she went through and why she doesn’t want to trust you.
You didn’t ask any of those questions because you didn’t want them answered.
You needed someone to be there for you—someone to talk to you, someone to love you. She did all that and all she got in return was heartbreak and some more pain.
All that she got was crying in her bedroom in the middle of the night, watching her walls getting narrower around her.
She got an urge to rip herself out from her skin to be over with the pain. It was too much for her to handle. She wanted to crawl into the darkest place in the world all by herself and die.
When you hurt her, she dwelled in pain and she kept asking herself why she can’t be loved the way she deserves. She knows how to love and she has loved before.
So, why can’t she even get to experience even the smallest portion of the love she has for others on her own skin?
Love showed her its bitchy face. To her, love is every time she has made a mistake, every time she was the one who wasn’t trying enough. To her, love is that ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ sentence.
To her, love is a feeling of abandonment for no reason. Of course, she is scared to love.
Love has slammed its door in her face every time she was about to enter.
Despite all she went through. Despite her warning you and telling you she doesn’t want to be with you, you continued to push her. And what’s even worse, she became even more interesting because she didn’t want you.
Instead of letting her go and keeping her heart safe from you, you chose to be selfish. You chose to play with her to fulfill your needs and toss her away when you’d had enough.
You chose to give her hope which made her stay a bit longer—thinking you will change.
You chose to disrespect her by making a fool out of her.
You chose to be a coward, so you broke it off by running away without a word.
You chose to stay silent when she begged you to speak up to try to save the two of you.
You chose to hurt her and you did.
She still fears love. She is still terrified of heartbreaks. She still doubts people.
But, real love will come to her doorstep sooner or later. It will wipe away the fear and fill her heart with true love like she’s always wanted.