I realized that my problem and the problem of most women is not having standards when it comes to dating.
And the reason we don’t have standards, and this is hard to admit, but we are not quite sure what we want exactly.
And because we haven’t had that talk with ourself and determined standards of our own, we can’t expect a man to know them either. We are unsure where our borders lie, what we consider healthy and normal behavior.
We are not clear on what kind of behavior is tolerable and what kinds are totally inexcusable.
We become too accommodating, too tolerant, and too understanding—which eventually comes back to bite us.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about some unrealistic or high standards, like he has to have a house with a pool and Porsches in front of it.
They are not standards, that’s a gold-digger alert. I am talking about normal behavior that we often give to our loved one but forget to ask for ourself.
We give our heart, body and mind into a relationship without expecting anything in return and as a result, we usually end up with somebody toxic.
To avoid this kind of behavior, we need to set our standards loud and clear, first to ourself and then to our potential or current partner:
1. Expect the same respect you are giving
Don’t lower your standards by allowing someone to influence your self-esteem.
A man who has no respect for you, the one who leaves you waiting forever, the one who lies, cheats, calls you bad names, manipulates and plays games shouldn’t have any room in your life.
If you are treating somebody with the utmost respect, you should expect the same in return—or show them the door.
2. Expect not to be treated as an option
Don’t settle for being one of the girls sitting on the bench who jumps up and drops everything every time he has the decency to call you.
Don’t make him think that he is the center of your universe even if he wants to be in your life only when it’s convenient for him.
Have a standard that says half-assed men, half-assed promises, and half-assed feelings are not welcome in your life.
3. Expect attention, affection and time
Those are not things you should beg for. When a man is into you, you will know.
He will make time for you no matter how busy he is. He will remember to text you. He will call you and make plans for you guys to go out.
If he cares, he will make it work. Don’t lower your standards by begging for somebody’s attention, affection and time; if they are not given freely, they are worthless.
4. Expect an honest conversation
Your life partner should be somebody you can trust completely. Somebody who stands by his words.
You should be able to treat him like your best friend, somebody you can go to everything with, and not fear that he will use your words or emotions against you.
He should be someone you share all your happiness and sorrows with.
A relationship won’t work if you are the only one who is being honest.
5. Expect to be accepted for who you are
Because you are doing the same for the other side. You are accepting their perfections and their flaws as parts of them.
Don’t waste your time on somebody who is trying to change you or make you into something you are not. You are perfect in your imperfections.
You are unique, worthy and one of a kind. And for the right man, you will be more than enough.
6. Expect somebody who stays through the good and the bad
Don’t stay with the one who runs for the hills every time darkness veils over your life.
Don’t waste your smile on somebody who isn’t there to wipe away your tears.
You are always there for him, no matter the circumstances, so expect him to give you the same.
7. Expect mutual effort
You can’t be the one doing all the hard work all the time. You can’t put all your strength and energy into making somebody happy if they are not doing the same.
Relationships are built for two and they demand the same amount of effort from both parties involved.
8. Expect love
It seems a bit redundant to say this, but there are times where we are so deeply in love with somebody that our heart stops listening to our mind.
We think our love will suffice, that we have so much love inside of us that it will be enough for two.
But it never is. Love should always be reciprocated and if it’s not, then it’s not true.