Divorces suck but being stuck with a toxic partner sucks even more.
We ought to thank God we live in times where leaving relationships and marriages that no longer serve us is a common thing, though one question does remain: What happens when there is a child stuck in between?
Are you afraid that your toxic, vengeful ex might be trying to damage the amazing relationship you have with your kid? This article will clear any doubts because here you’ll find the most surefire signs your ex is turning your child against you.
1. Badmouthing
Have you heard that your ex has been badmouthing you in front of your kid? You can’t understand it because you have never said anything bad about them in front of your kid and never would.
Because you want your kid to have a good relationship with the other parent, you don’t want to turn your kid against them, which is specifically what your ex is trying to do by badmouthing and talking trash about you in front of your kid.
2. Brainwashing
The alienating parent will try to brainwash the kid in order to turn them against the other parent. It’s a way they think they’ll get their revenge on their ex-partner.
Whenever your kid starts talking about the good memories they have with you or about something nice you’ve done for them, your ex will immediately stop them and say something bad about you.
They’ll do anything to change the picture of an amazing, loving parent your kid has of you in their head.
If you notice your alienated child is being brainwashed and do absolutely nothing about it, it won’t take too long for your ex to succeed in their intention: to turn your kid against you.
3. Blame-shifting
This is a very common thing with high-conflict divorced couples. They weren’t ready to take responsibility for their wrongdoings while they were married, which eventually led to their divorce, and that’s why they started shifting the blame onto one another.
However, if you aren’t doing it and your ex-spouse does, if your kid also starts blaming you for the divorce, you should know that you’re dealing with an alienated child.
Your ex isn’t choosing methods to get their revenge anymore. Their only goal has become to turn your kid against you, and they’ll use every weapon at their disposal to achieve it.
4. Making false accusations
Has your kid started asking you about your marriage? Perhaps they asked you whether it’s true that you cheated on their dad/mom and you got divorced because of it?
If those kinds of questions start appearing, don’t be surprised. Your ex will start coming up with false accusations about verbal, physical, or sexual abuse or your unfaithfulness, all with the goal of making your kid blame and hate you for the end of your marriage.
5. Limiting communication
Did your ex-spouse take your kid’s phone away? Did they delete all of their social media accounts? Did they offer you any explanation for why they did that?
If there is no legit reason for restricting your kid that way, it’s a huge red flag they’re trying to alienate them. They don’t want them to communicate with you, and they’re trying to block every way they can get in touch with you.
6. Canceling your parenting time
If your ex-spouse won the custody agreement, they’ll try to use it to limit your parenting time. Remember, their only goal is to harm the connection you have with your kid.
Co-parenting is hard, and the only way it’ll be successful is if both sides are ready to make compromises and agree.
If your ex-spouse starts using stupid excuses and canceling your parenting time, you should put an end to it immediately. Your partner needs to respect the child custody agreement; otherwise, you can seek legal advice to change the custody order.
7. Forbids your kid visiting you and your family members
If your kid starts avoiding visiting you or your extended family, it’s a huge sign they’re a victim of parental alienation. It probably isn’t their own choice. They’re avoiding it because your ex is making them avoid you and your part of the family.
It’s simply because they’re trying to cut off every form of communication and connection between you and your kid. They don’t want you to figure out what they’re trying to do, and they’ll keep forbidding your kid from seeing you.
8. Emotional punishment
Every time your kid goes deaf on their “commands” or your ex finds out they were talking tp you or doing something they forbade them from doing, they’ll punish your kid.
They’ll use emotional punishments and blackmailing because they know they work best on children.
They’ll tell your kid how they’re breaking their heart piece by piece every time they talk to you or see you. Those emotional punishments will seriously start impacting your kids’ mental health.
Related: 8 Signs You Were Emotionally Neglected As A Child (And How It Affects You Now)
9. Always asking to choose sides
Did your kid complain to you about how their other parent always asks them to choose sides between you and them? Or, maybe someone close to your kid admitted it to you?
If it’s true, you need to consider it as a warning sign your ex is turning your kid against you. No matter the circumstances, your kid will never be able to choose a side between you and your ex-partner because their heart belongs to both of you, equally.
10. Buying their love
If your ex-spouse has easily agreed on all child support matters, if they always buy your kid whatever they wish for, if they shower them with expensive gifts every day, you should know that they’re trying to buy their love.
This is especially true if they’re in a better financial situation than you are. They’re trying to buy their love by affording them everything you aren’t able to.
Fortunately, it’s never a way to get someone to love you, and kids never fall for such cheap tricks. Truth be told, children aren’t as naive as many people usually think.
11. Verbal or physical abuse
When all of these methods above fail, the alienating parent starts using physical or verbal abuse to make their kid distance themself from the other parent.
That’s why you need to have regular, open, and honest communication with your kid. If they confide in you, or you notice that your child is being abused, you need to do something about it ASAP.
I know you don’t like to meddle in the relationship your kid has with their other parent, but you shouldn’t allow anyone to ever hurt your child in any way, even if it’s your ex-spouse, their parent.
What To Do If Your Ex Is Trying To Turn Your Kids Against You
Being a child of divorced parents is hard enough even without these kinds of toxic games vengeful partners might be playing with each other. If you’re sure now that your ex has parental alienation syndrome (PAS), you need to deal with it and protect your child at any cost.
First of all, you need to talk to your ex and try to build a healthy relationship between you. Your marriage has ended, but you should really try to stay friends for the sake of your kids.
You need to warn them about the terrible consequences that parental alienation may leave on your kid’s well-being.
As the final step, you should make them realize that their awful manipulation tactics may cost them losing the custody case. And make it clear that you won’t be silent about their alienation.
The targeted parent also needs to work on strengthening the parent-child relationship. Your kid needs to know they can talk to you and be able to open up to you at any time.
If none of these things work, you should seek help from others. Seek advice from your family members, legal advice from family law attorneys or your divorce lawyer, or talk to someone who has gone through the same thing.
