Heartbreak hurts. Even if it wasn’t that serious, you were in love with him.
If he didn’t feel the same about you, it doesn’t change anything. You loved him, and it broke you. He was stringing you along, avoiding defining the two of you, avoiding admitting whether he loves you or not.
He kept you on ice. He gave you hope that maybe someday he’d show you the way to his heart. For now, that road is dark and blocked.
Getting dumped sucks, but being played and lied to sucks even more. Your status as a woman is pretty much simple—either you are in a relationship or you’re not. It would be so much easier to deal with the fact that you were in a relationship and now you’re not.
Sure, you’d feel like crap; you’d cry for days and refuse to talk to anyone or get out of the bed. But, that never lasts too long. Sooner or later you realize that he is just not worth your pain.
What kills you and brings you to the bottom is when someone lies right to your face. When someone loves you one moment and doesn’t give a fuck the next one.
What sucks is trying to get out of it. You know, when you reach rock bottom because he walked right by you, not noticing you were even there, or when he didn’t text you back for days. That’s when you come to your senses and you ask yourself: “What the fuck am I doing?”
But the saddest part is that he senses you’ve might sobered up, so he lures you back in. He gives you enough attention to get your hopes up and come back to him. No, he still hasn’t decided whether he loves you or not, but he needs to have you close—just in case.
How more selfish can he get?
This person has been letting you ride on an emotional rollercoaster. He has brought you from extreme happiness to dead depression in days. No one can endure those kinds of emotional changes without serious consequences, without anxiety and trauma.
You realize this, and you get out despite the fact it hurts like hell. You’re not expected to mourn him. None of your friends get it because he treated you like shit.
No one understands that you’ve given yourself completely in this relationship. You’ve invested your heart and your mind into it, hoping that someday he will change his mind.
Your feelings are real. You’re not making them up, and no one can put a label on it or the situation you’re in.
Don’t let anyone diminish the meaning of your pain. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t supposed to hurt. Sometimes the greatest love of your life can be hidden in the man who is just not meant to be with you.
And you have to accept it.
When you do, when you end things with him, it’s just like a real breakup. It hurts like you’ve been together for years. You can’t sleep at night; you refuse to eat. Your eyes are swollen because of the constant crying. You don’t want to get up from bed or get dressed or go anywhere. You’re angry at the whole world. You’re just fucked up.
But you have to keep it to yourself because if you break down in front of others, the only thing you’ll get is: “He was a jerk who didn’t care about you. He used you, and he called you only when he wanted to.”
Yes that is true, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t love him. That doesn’t mean you won’t think about a different kind of scenario, like what would have happened if things had been different. If you had had a chance to have a happy future.
All this pain you’re feeling will go away. It’s possible, and it happens every day to almost every person on this planet. But what makes it so much harder is when you pretend that everything is okay between you two.
You try to stay strong when he texts you to keep in touch; when he asks you if you can stay friends. You won’t let him see that you’re hurting and you say ‘yes’.
And every time you see him, your heart weeps. When you come home, you can’t sleep at night because you know that the man you still love is sleeping with someone else.
Being hurt and trying to get over him is something you have to go through, and it’s okay. But what is not okay is trying to keep it together and allowing him to stay in your life.
What is so wrong is hiding your own feeling, so he won’t suspect that something’s wrong.
He’ll even ask you what’s up. He’ll notice that you’re distancing yourself, and he’ll reach out to you.
This is even worse.
What are you supposed to say?
“You’ve destroyed me, you’ve hurt me so bad and I never want to see you again.” Are you supposed to say that and expect him to understand it?
You see, in his eyes, he is not the one to blame. He never made anything official. He never saw you complain about the relationship you had. Moreover, you were even enabling him by pretending that everything was okay. As he behaved worse, you behaved better—only to keep him and try to save the two of you.
You wanted to give the two of you a future everyone would envy.
So don’t be bothered by the thought that you’re crying in vain. Cry as much as you need to. No pain can be labeled or needs to be justified.
If your heart aches, let it. If your soul hurts, let it. Let all those feelings out, and don’t explain yourself to anyone.
Take time to heal and when you do, make sure you never feel like this again. Make sure to never let yourself fall apart and hit rock bottom. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved so much better.
