Why do I always have to be the one on the losing side? Why do I always have to be the one on the floor, collecting shattered pieces of myself? Why do I always end up hurt, betrayed and beaten to an emotional death?
I really don’t understand. There is only one reasonable explanation: I am too damn nice.
People close to me warned me about that personality trait of mine. They said it would be the death of me. I always thought they were exaggerating. I never took them seriously until I got tired of being broken all the time.
I am too understanding. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am loyal and reliable. Basically, when I love, I am all in and even more than that and there is something faulty in people that makes them take advantage of that.
I guess I am too nice in all aspects of my life but I go overboard when it comes to love, when it comes to him.
He is the reason I am behaving like I don’t love myself. I guess I was lost in him. All those intense feelings overwhelmed me and I couldn’t think straight.
And here I am, once again on the floor, picking myself up. But this time I am assembling the pieces differently. No more Miss Nice Girl, I am done tolerating bullshit.
I am done giving it all and receiving nothing in return.
I always believed that love should be unconditional. But now I know better, now I know love needs reciprocity. Love is about give and take.
I can’t tolerate him taking from me anymore. I am exhausted and I have nothing more to give. I am also angry at myself because I have allowed this to get this far.
I am done with going the extra mile for someone who is not worthy of it.
The right man would appreciate that but not him. He ignored all that I was doing for him and took it for granted. Like he is entitled to be treated like a king.
I am done with making someone feel special and amazing when they are not doing the same for me. I am done trying for ones who don’t try for me.
I am done being a doormat when I deserve to be treated as an equal. I deserve someone who will go the extra mile for me too. I deserve reciprocity.
I am done with apologies that don’t come from the heart.
I am tired of forgiving him for the same miserable actions countless times. I am tired of believing that he won’t repeat the same mistake once more.
He will. It’s only a matter of time. He will play it nice for a while. He will be the epitome of a perfect boyfriend until I feel safe and calm, and then he will do it all over again.
I am done with ignoring my gut.
Whenever I got some bad feeling I would choose to ignore it. I would say to myself that I was paranoid, that my radar was off and that I was wrong.
This way of thinking would come back to bite me later on. I should have never ignored my gut because I was always right. That’s why when something feels off now, I am trusting my gut, I am not going against my better judgment.
I am done with settling for less than I deserve.
I am done with my fear of loneliness. I admit that I had that fear. That’s why I settled for this toxic relationship.
I was so scared that my life without him would lose all purpose. I was afraid that I would never love again. I was afraid that I would come across someone else who was worse than him.
I will never settle again. I will never again be afraid of being alone; it’s a million times better than being with someone who doesn’t respect you or treat you right.
I am done with all the delays.
I was always waiting for something when I was with him. I was waiting for him to be the man I thought he was deep down.
I waited for him to see me, to be there, to be more committed. I waited for him to be someone I could trust. I waited for calm and sunny days but all I got were storms.
I was just deluding myself. I saw a huge heart in someone heartless. I saw goodness where there wasn’t any.
I am done with tears and sadness.
He won’t be the cause of my pain anymore. I won’t dissect his ambiguous words. I won’t listen to his lies. I won’t lose sleep because he had no decency to call or text.
I will never again be with someone like him. I don’t need a man who comes by only when it’s convenient. I don’t need someone who only thinks of himself.
I don’t need somebody who doesn’t care how he makes me feel. I don’t need someone who brings sadness. I am done tolerating his bullshit.