He wasn’t only your partner… He was your best friend, your other half, your ride or die, your partner in crime… The person you devoted yourself to completely and considered your soulmate.
Now, when you go through that awful reality check, you realize that he wasn’t any of these things. You understand that you were living an illusion all this time.
You want to break free from that illusion, but the love you still feel from him is standing in your way.
Emotions can definitely make moving on a lot more difficult, but it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. Stay with me, and I’ll teach you how to get over an ex you still love. I’ll show you how to leave him in the past and block any chances of him ever returning.
How To Get Over An Ex That You Still Love
I know you’re having a hard time getting over a man you still love. You want to hate him as much as you love him, but it seems like those desires can’t get through to your heart, right?
I get you. It’s not like you can order your heart to fall in love or stop loving someone. However, you can help it understand that it needs to let go of wrong love, and I’m here to help you talk some sense into your heart.
So, let’s go through these inevitable steps you need to take if you want to get over your ex and let go of him for good.
1. Stop chasing false hopes
You were sure that he was the right person for you, and somehow, you still think he is. You still consider him your soulmate. And you’ve let the saying ‘what was meant to be, will happen’ trick you into dreaming or hoping that one day you’ll reconcile and stay together forever.
He is gone, and he’ll never come back to you. This is the only truth, and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll be able to recover.
Being a slave to those false hopes will only prolong your recovery process. Expecting a message that will never come will only continue to tear your heart apart.
Not getting a message or not getting a response is also a response and a very powerful one too. It says that the person you’re trying to reach is busy enjoying their life and that they couldn’t care less about you.
This new reality that hit you so suddenly is tough, I know. However, if you really want to heal and leave it all in the past, you need to stop dreaming and face your reality as it is right now, not as you wish it to be.
2. Accept and embrace your emotional state
Being betrayed by a loved one is beyond painful. Letting go of someone you still love is heartbreaking.
Don’t pretend you’re strong, and stop trying to block the pain that is ripping through your heart. It’s not healthy, and it definitely won’t help you heal faster.
Whatever it is that you’re feeling right now… Anger, sadness, frustration, fear, loneliness, resentment… It’s normal, and you need to embrace it.
Those are all emotions that a heartbreak leaves behind.
Validate your emotions, but don’t allow them to control you. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, but don’t act on them. This will help you gain inner peace, which is of huge importance for your healing process.
3. Wash out your heart with a good cry
I know that you will hate yourself for being so blind and not seeing him leading you on all this time. But, the truth is, you can’t hate yourself for not being able to tell the future.
At some point, you won’t even know what exactly you are feeling. Is it hate, love, happiness, or bitterness? All those emotions will be mixed deep down in your heart.
That’s completely normal. Heartbreaks are confusing, overwhelming, complicated, and beyond anything else, painful.
However, the most important thing is to let it out. No matter what you feel, you need to push those emotions aside. And don’t ever be ashamed to cry.
If that’s what you need, cry. Cry your heart out. Cry because it will let all the toxins out of your body, and you will feel much better.
It is not shameful to admit to yourself that you are broken now. After all, it wasn’t your fault. You’re broken because you gave all your love to someone who only used it to destroy you. I know that’s exactly what hurts you the most.
4. Detox from all the negative emotions
I said that you need to face and accept all of your emotions. However, that doesn’t mean you need to stick with them forever and keep allowing them to poison your heart.
Staying stuck on those negative emotions is harmful to your mental health and your well-being in general. It only makes you more vulnerable to anxiety and stress.
Once you accept those bad emotions, you need to find a way to let them go. You need to release them before they consume you.
Sharing them with a close friend or family member will help. Exercise and meditation may also be helpful. Do whatever you think will help you detox from that negativity, just don’t keep those kinds of feelings inside.
5. Try to distract your mind
I don’t want to comfort you with a bunch of lies. When a relationship ends, especially a long-term relationship, it leaves a huge gap in our lives.
It will be hard for you, especially at the beginning, because you will miss your ex like crazy, and you’ll only think about them. You won’t be able to find a way to fill that sudden void that is breaking your heart… Piece by piece, every single day.
You will think about the things that went wrong. You’ll ask yourself if he left you because you weren’t good enough, or maybe because you didn’t love him strong enough…
All those harmful thoughts will only ruin your self-esteem. Don’t let them! Be stronger than that, and always remember that you have control over your thoughts and emotions, not the other way around.
You need to retrain your brain and redirect your thoughts. Distract yourself by doing things you like or by indulging in things you’ve never tried before.
Enroll in a dance class, party with your friends, or go camping. At least you won’t be alone, and your friends will make you think less about your past relationship.
6. Find a shoulder to cry on
You don’t need to go through this painful experience alone. There are so many people who are genuinely worried about your well-being and who would want to be there for you more than anything else.
And you should allow them. You’ll feel instantly relieved when you share your sorrows and everything that has been in your heart for too long with a loved one.
It really helps when you see that you have someone who understands and supports you no matter what. Knowing that you aren’t alone will push you to work on moving on even harder.
7. Or, be alone if that is what you need/want
On the other hand, if you want to be alone, I also get you. Sometimes, you want to be alone because you have no words to describe what is happening in your mind or heart.
This is your battle, and only you have the right to choose how you are going to fight it.
That need for alone time is completely justified. There are many overwhelming emotions and confusing thoughts you need to sort out right now, and that’s something you need to do in peace.
However, don’t ever allow yourself to feel lonely. Being alone is good and may actually be productive, while feeling lonely will only lead you to make some (very) wrong decisions and moves.
8. Believe in the power of the no-contact rule!
If you want to get over a guy and stop caring about him, you shouldn’t contact him. Period.
If you keep texting him or answering his drunk calls, you won’t ever be able to get over him. Also, he might use that weakness in his favor and trick you into giving him another chance.
And I’m sure that it is the last thing you want after you’ve realized what kind of person he is. What kind of jerk he is, to be more precise.
So, don’t call him, don’t answer his calls or texts, and stop stalking him on social media just to find out how he is handling the breakup. Also, try to avoid going to places where he usually goes.
Following the no-contact rule is one of the ways you can get over him sooner than you think.
9. Get rid of things that remind you of him
Unfortunately, walking away from someone you love and getting over them is not as easy as blocking them on social media. If they didn’t block you, you can unfriend or block them on social media, but that doesn’t mean you can end things with them so easily in real life.
In the beginning, wherever you look, everything reminds you of him, right? You can’t look anywhere because everything you see reminds you of your previous relationship and ex-partner.
That phase won’t last for too long, but you’ll definitely encounter many things that will remind you of him daily. And you need to get rid of them, one by one.
10. Now, it’s time to love yourself the most
The most significant parts of the moving on and healing process after a relationship ends are self-love and emotional self-care. If you don’t prioritize these two steps, you’ll never be able to recover completely and successfully.
Throughout your relationship, your main focus was on your partner and improving your relationship. Now, it’s time to shift it all back onto yourself.
Or, as the relationship coach, Erika Ettin, says, “Rather than pining over someone who wasn’t right for you, focus on yourself.“
Even when you move on and find a new partner, you shouldn’t change that primary focus. Always love yourself first and most because you’re the only constant in your life.
Everyone else can come and go, but you’re the only person you know for sure you’ll spend the rest of your life with.
11. Live in the present moment
Do you know what got you in this situation in the first place? Your dreams and living an illusion.
The lie you have been living in has led you to getting your heart broken. Now, you need to accept that all that was far from the truth and wake up to reality.
I hope you’ve realized that you need to break free from all that and return to the present moment.
Life is harsh; your new reality sucks… But, it’s yours, and you need to live with it. And, of course, that doesn’t mean that things won’t get better one day.
12. But, set your focus to the future
You need to live in the present, but you also need to look to the future. Reconsider your perspective and outlook on life and set new goals for yourself.
Don’t ever allow your heartbreak to dictate your future. Your current situation, your present pain, isn’t going to last forever.
After all, you can never change your past, but you can make a better future for yourself.
Use all of your free time to work on yourself and become the best version of yourself. The day will come when you’ll feel ready to move on, and once that day comes, you need to be ready to embrace it completely.
13. You’re allowed to take as much time as you need to heal
Ending a romantic relationship is soul-wrenching. Getting over someone you still love is never an easy thing to do, even if they hurt you badly.
The healing process isn’t and can never be done in a jiff. So, make sure that you give yourself enough time to recover.
You are allowed to cry and eat a ton of ice cream. You’re allowed to lie in bed and comfort yourself with Netflix and your favorite takeout for as long as you need.
You are allowed to dance all night long and have fun like never before, and you are allowed to feel happy again.
So, do whatever makes you happy because that is what you deserve. Live day by day, take care of yourself, and pretty please, stick to the no-contact rule.
Be ready to experience occasional crises because that’s a normal part of the healing process too.
With time, everything will fall into its rightful place. Hold on. Have faith. And, give time some time.
14. Forgive yourself for loving the wrong man
You will probably blame yourself because you didn’t see all those red flags that he’d eventually end up breaking your heart. You’ll be mad at yourself because you still love him and can’t stop even after everything he has done to you.
You will ask yourself how you couldn’t see that he was fooling you all the time, and you’ll live with those thoughts every day.
One day, you’ll gather the strength and put an end to it all.
One day, you’ll just get up from your bed and say that you’ve decided to love yourself more. Self-love is the most important step in this ‘how to get over an ex’ process.
Forgive yourself so you can start focusing on your own well-being and your future.
You don’t deserve to spend your whole life blaming yourself for one wrong choice when there are a thousand right ones in front of you.
15. You have to let go if you want to move on
It’s so easy to tell someone to move on, but I know how unbearably difficult it actually is to do it. It’s not easy, it will never be easy, not even once you go through all of these steps, but it’ll get easier with time; I can honestly promise you this.
I know that letting go and moving on sounds impossible to you right now. I completely get you. You’re aware of your situation, and you’re aware that you owe it to yourself to move on, but you just feel that, as much as you try, you’ll never be ready to let go.
You don’t feel strong enough to confront that ending. And that’s actually the main reason you can’t get over it…
Your perception. Don’t look at it as an ending; see it as a beginning. The beginning of your future, a new era of your life that will be filled with love and nothing but pure happiness.
Forget that you made a mistake by choosing him. Forgive yourself for loving the wrong guy and let go of him once and for all.
You need to know that it is better to move on than to hold onto something that was never real.
You don’t deserve to lose sleep over a guy who is sleeping with other women. You deserve to experience the love that feels like home, the love you were giving to him all this time.
16. Realize that losing him was your biggest win
You lost the person you love, but you also gained something else. Something bigger and more important: You got to meet the real you.
You discovered a whole new version of yourself. You realized how strong and brave you actually are. You met the darkest sides of yourself, embraced and fell in love with each and every one of them.
You lost someone who obviously never even loved you. You lost him to find yourself again.
Losing him actually gave your life a whole new perspective. Now you know who is and should always be the main character in your life… You, of course.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over An Ex?
Do you really expect me to give you some numbers here? I’m sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. No one is able to predict how long your post-breakup mourning will last.
We can talk about statistics and average numbers, but the truth is, we all go through these things differently, and it never affects us the same. Most relationship experts also agree that there is no set amount of time when it comes to getting over the end of a relationship.
However, a poll conducted on Yelp’s website showed that most people need about 3.5 months to pull through a breakup. Again, it doesn’t matter if it’s three months or three years; the important thing is that you heal properly.
Let your heart make that decision
Your heart is broken, and I think that you should hand that decision over to it.
Forget about time because it’s the least important thing here. Just try to focus on healing your heart.
Only when you’re completely sure that there is no longer a single trace of him in your heart, that’s when you finally move on.
How Do You Get Over Your Ex Fast?
Unfortunately, I’ll have to disappoint you, but there is no way to do it fast. You can’t get over your ex fast if you want to do it right, especially if we’re talking about an ex you still have intense feelings for.
Even if he has done something really bad to you and hurt you deeply, that still doesn’t mean you can delete him from your heart and forget all about him overnight.
Many things still connect you, for example, your mutual friends and fresh memories, and all those things will be constant reminders for you at the beginning. Do you now get that there is no fast way to forget and get over your ex?
Don’t believe that jumping into the next relationship will help you heal and forget your ex at record speed or some similar nonsense. Trust me, that’s the worst relationship advice a person in this situation can receive.
The truth is that you can move on and get over someone you love(d). However, you can never totally forget someone who has touched your heart. There will always be a part of you, your heart and soul, that will remember them and the love you once felt for them.
How Can I Forget About My Ex?
Getting someone off your mind is actually not that hard. You simply occupy yourself with things and people you like and keep yourself busy so you don’t think about them.
However, it’s not that easy to stop loving someone. When someone puts down roots deep in your heart, it’s so hard to get rid of those tiny vessels because they branch out everywhere.
The most important thing you need to remember is that you should never force anything. You just need to leave those things in the hands of fate and keep faith in time.
Only time is powerful enough to remove anything that reminds you of him out of your mind and heart.
Forget what was, and accept what is
Forget about the past. Just dismiss all those touching, painful, PAST mementos from your mind. That shouldn’t be the place where your focus needs to be right now.
Focus on where you’re going to spend the rest of your life. Focus on your future. Stop dreaming about your past, snap out of it, and come back to real life.
One day, you’ll outgrow that man who didn’t want to love you, who didn’t know how to keep you by his side. You’ll heal your broken heart and move on with a powerful lesson for the future.
On The Whole
I hope this guide on how to get over an ex you still love will be as helpful to you as it was for me. As you see, I’m sitting here and writing all this to you even though my heart was broken into a million pieces. I didn’t allow my ex to break me, and I gathered the strength to move on.
And, I’m sure you will too. I’m sure you’ll find yourself in a new relationship, a healthy relationship in no time and forget that this ever happened to you.
People say that time heals all wounds. No, only we can heal ourselves, and time is there only to support and help us.
So, stand up and fight. Keep the faith that you’ll recover. Show yourself and the rest of the world how strong you are and that no matter how much they try, they’ll never be able to break you completely.
Remember, to keep yourself, you need to let him go… Open up your heart, unlock that cage, and let him fly out of there.