You push people away—that’s just your thing, isn’t it?
Despite this, you keep asking yourself why you can’t let people in, and yet, whenever somebody gets near you, you do the same thing again. You shut everything down, and you push them even further away.
You build your walls up again and that somebody is left without you.
You don’t even bother explaining because you often catch yourself not knowing why you do it in the first place. So it’s easier just leaving without a trace than explaining something you’re not sure of.
You push away anybody who could care for you—why is that?
“You can’t always be pushing people away. Someday, nobody will come back.”- The Dear One
No one can be as hard on you as you can be on yourself. Nobody can beat you down as much as you do it to yourself.
You’ve been through way too much. Nobody can possibly fathom the trauma and loss you had to endure in your young life.
Nobody knows those things because you don’t let anyone see what you are dealing with.
You never allow anyone to be that close to you. The minute somebody steps too close, you take a step back. Always creating a gap between you two, aren’t you?
Regardless of what you’ve been through in life, you try to see the good in people. You do your best to believe better days are ahead, but you never give yourself enough space to actually let those good days in.
Sometimes, it’s just not possible to look brightly on the things that are coming towards you. There is always a dose of scepticism and doubt inside you.
You’re the type of person that thinks about everyone but herself. You’re always the last person on your priority list.
You’re the type of person who’s there for everyone in the blink of an eye, and the first one to make the rest of the world happy, even if they don’t deserve it.
You weren’t good enough for the people you loved while you were growing up.
There was always that ‘something’ they expected of you, and no matter what you did, it just wasn’t enough. Nobody told you that all this is not your fault.
You kept thinking (and you still keep thinking) you deserve the pain you get in life.
You somehow feel you caused it for yourself—you must have done something wrong, so now God is ‘returning the favor’, and you never dare question it.
You feel like you need to pay the price for something, but you just can’t wrap your mind around what that is.
So, when you end up alone with your darkness, you keep nodding along when that darkness comes to hug you, and you embrace it with sadness in your eyes.
You just don’t let people see it.
You refuse to be the victim. You decided not to let anyone see you on your knees. So, whatever life throws at you, you handle it alone.
Nobody will ever get to see your tears because you keep believing if you show one thing, nothing will stop you from shedding your skin bare.
If you let it all out, you are frightened you’ll never be able to stop, and it will only push people away even more… and that’s what scares you the most.
You don’t want to scare people away. You can’t live with that. You’d rather push them away. That’s something you can live with.
It’s never the right time.
There is always something more important than relationships, from bonding with people. You always have so much on your plate, and you just can’t handle anything else. It’s better to wait.
There’s always that one little thing that prevents you from letting anyone in.
There is always a small flaw or an imperfection, and because of that flaw, you simply can’t let that person into your life. It just creates a wall between the two of you that is insurmountable.
The real truth is you’re scared.
You’re just too scared to admit it or you’re just too scared to let people in. You keep finding these stupid excuses to comfort yourself with.
Excuses that make pushing everyone away feel better. Only it never does.
You keep rationalizing your actions when in fact, they have nothing to do with reason. It’s all about your heart, and your heart is scared.
You don’t want to be like that. You don’t want to be scared, and you don’t want to push people away. It’s just way less painful to push them away first than to let them in and see them walk away on their own.
The thing is, and you wouldn’t admit it for anything in this world, you just want someone to tell you it’s OK.
And it is OK. For real, it’s fine.
Somebody will come along and prove you wrong, okay?
Somebody who will show you that the world isn’t as dark and twisted as you make it seem in your head.
There are so many amazing opportunities out there for you, and you just refuse to see them. There are so many people out there who are good for you and your soul—you just need to open your eyes to see them.
There will come a person who’ll be able to see your worth and who’ll let you see how worthy you are.
He’s going to be the one to prove to you that there are people out there who deserve you, and people who can make you happy. There is someone out there who won’t hurt you, you know.
You just have to hang in there for just a little longer.
You’ll know when the ‘right’ person enters your life—just don’t push this one away.
When that person comes, he is going to make everything seem better. He will have a way of making you feel strong, powerful and beautiful.
And when that person enters your life, allow yourself the privilege to be loved the way you deserve to be loved.
Don’t push this one away because he is going to be the one who finally makes everything seem worthwhile.
