If I had to describe my life with you in just one word, that word would be ‘waiting’. Because when I think about it, it all revolved around that.
I kept waiting for you to get your life together. I kept waiting for you to love me more.
I kept waiting for you to choose me above anybody else. But you never did. At least not until I walked away.
It’s funny how some people don’t value what they have until they lose it. They don’t appreciate you while you are there.
They don’t see everything you have done for them. Everything you have sacrificed.
They don’t see how important it was to have somebody to lean on until they lose their supporter.
Sadly, you were a textbook example of those people. You never knew what you had in me until I was gone.
I don’t understand how you couldn’t see it then. How you couldn’t see all my love. It’s like it didn’t mean anything to you.
You treated me like I should be happy just to be with you—like I should be honored with your presence when you would finally find time for me, when you had nothing better to do. I always felt like I came last.
You had your own issues to deal with. Life didn’t treat you fairly. I understood that. Mine wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, either. I stayed.
I listened. I cheered you up. I gave you all the love and affection I had in me. I gave you parts of me that I am never getting back.
I always had enough strength and positivity to bring us both back to the surface when we were drowning.
Wouldn’t it have been easier if we had done it together?
I celebrated your wins as if they were my own. Nothing would make me happier than to see you happy.
I celebrated those days. I liked to see you doing well. When I had it good, you enjoyed it, too. I give you that. You liked to see me happy and cheerful. You said it was my best look.
But then why did you make me cry so many times? Why did you leave me alone for so many nights, wondering where you were and what you were up to?
Why was it so hard for you to at least text? I just wanted to know that you were safe and sound, that you were thinking of me and that I had nothing to worry about.
It was a second of your time and it would have meant so much to me.
You were so preoccupied with you that you didn’t see me standing right there beside you.
You saw a person who was there for you but nothing more. You never showed interest in any of the stuff I was into, how my day went, was I feeling ok or not. It was all about you, you and only you.
God, I felt so lonely. I felt so alone even when you would be sleeping right next to me. That connection I felt with you at the start was no longer there.
I kept on searching for it. I kept asking you to put more effort if you really cared. To work on us.
You would be better than perfect for a few days. You would be so kind and loving you would make up for all the wrongs. Then you would go back to your old ways.
We kept repeating the same scenario over and over again until I was fed up with everything.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t be with you and be so alone at the same time. I was tired of waiting for things to be normal.
I was tired of begging for your attention and your time. I was tired of your part-time emotions. I was tired of waiting for you to really love me. So, I walked away.
I walked away and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. And the saddest of all is that I don’t know if leaving you broke my heart or if my heart was broken because I stayed for too long.
And now you are here…wanting me back because you know you lost me. You say you want to put more effort, you want to be there for me, you didn’t know how miserable you’ll be without me.
You love me. You care for me. You would do anything to get me back.
Why did you have to realize your love at the expense of my broken heart? Do you realize how much it took from me to walk away?
How can I know it will be different if I give you a second chance? I walked away and I don’t know if I can go back anymore. Maybe you chose me too late.