After the sudden departure of a person from your love life, be that the love of your life or somebody you were just starting to build a future with, there is suddenly this gaping hole inside you that you feel with every fiber of your being.
You have lost the will to live, let alone do any of those mundane things people do in their everyday lives.
There is no point in going forward, because you have just lost the one who made you go on when you didn’t feel you could. What now? Who will make you feel strong when you’re at your most fragile?
You alienate yourself from society and you are unwilling to even take phone calls, unless they are from him.
You fall into this endless circle of self-pity, wallowing in despair and feeling like you’ll never get that feeling back. You are suffering from a deeply broken heart and there is no amount of time that could help you recover.
But this is the wrong way to go about things! I understand this feeling, much like many women out there but not allowing yourself time to heal and move on will damage you profoundly unless you let yourself process this in a healthy way.
This type of depression is a very dangerous one, because all it makes you want to do is crawl into a hole and not make human contact for the foreseeable future.
Every single day, somebody in this world goes through what you are going through right now. I know this doesn’t sound encouraging, but the point is that if everybody else can get through it, so can you.
Falling in love is too easy but maintaining and nurturing a healthy, happy relationship is the challenging part.
You need to be able to control your emotions if you want to enjoy a long-term relationship, or endure a broken one with your head held high.
The most excruciating feeling after an unexpected break-up is the almost palpable loss of the constant support system you had around you.
So here are some useful and helpful tips on how to deal with missing someone and survive with your heart intact and your faith in love preserved.
Don’t be afraid to express yourself and feel all of those unpleasant feelings that are plaguing you.
Admit to yourself that it’s really over and then express yourself in the best way you know how. Cry as much as you need, talk to trusted people and don’t run away from your emotions.
Talking about your feelings and expressing them in the hope of recovering relieves tension and helps you feel better and heal.
Don’t run away, drink your problems away or overeat. These are the exact opposite of what you should be doing right now.
Let yourself heal by discussing this in your inner circle of closest people and feel any emotion that overcomes you. That is the first step toward feeling okay again.
Try to slowly go back to your routine but don’t force yourself too much. Baby steps.
Try not to distance yourself from people too much, because it only prolongs your grief and healing process.
Go back to work and your hobbies, hang out with friends like you normally would but do not do anything that takes up too much of your energy or willpower.
If you alienate yourself for a long period of time, you will lose any will you might have for getting out of this state and it will be harder each day to get yourself back to a place of hope and power.
Make sure to stay in touch with people. That is your biggest hope for getting through this.
Choose an activity of your liking that will preoccupy you and distract you from negative thoughts.
It can be as simple as reading books, surfing the web or writing but it can also mean finding something that ignites some passion inside you and makes you get out of the house.
You can take up a sport, be that basketball, tennis or volleyball, or you can join a gym or go to yoga classes.
Whichever you choose, it will indubitably make your head much clearer and your body stronger. You will automatically feel a million times better about yourself when you take up an activity that you feel good about.
The point is to alleviate any thoughts that are going through your head about your loved one by doing something healthy and positive for yourself.
Organize your time so that each day is filled with things to do.
Try not to leave empty any time in your day, as it will only worsen your emotional state by allowing you to think about him and wallow in negative thoughts, despair and self-critical introspection.
You will be reminded of how much you miss him and you will probably undo all those healthy, positive things you have been doing for yourself to help you move on.
When you wake up each morning, make it a point to know exactly how your day will be filled out until you go to bed that evening, be that work, errands, hobbies or socializing with friends. Organize your time wisely and make sure to leave room for all the aforementioned things, as they will make it impossible to wallow and think negative thoughts.
Do something exciting that you’ve never done before.
It can be a small change, such as a change of hairstyle, a new wardrobe or going for a full body massage at a local spa center.
But it can also be something like renovating your apartment, getting a new, bold, exciting hobby that will challenge you do to something you never thought you could, or find new places to go to and have your girly coffee dates.
Whichever thing you choose will be good for you as it will make you feel fresh and independent and get you back to your old self sooner than you think.
It will make you see how good it can be without this person, if only you let yourself see it. And with each passing day, by willingly working on getting better and doing things that will help you get there, you are one step closer to fully recovering.
You will realize that your life can totally move on without him and that you are perfectly capable of finding yourself again and living your best life.
Write about how you feel and put your emotions on paper.
When you’re missing someone this much, address your feelings. If you don’t normally write a journal, grab a notebook and whenever negative thoughts consume you, resort to writing.
By letting those feelings out, you are ridding yourself of those heartbreaking thoughts inside you by placing them somewhere safe where they won’t be able to trouble you as much.
When you let it all out, you will feel a sense of relief because you have dealt with your emotions the best way you knew how and you did something positive for yourself.
You can even address it to the person in question and then store it somewhere where only you can find it, so that you can re-read it when those feelings come back.
Instead of focusing on the sadness, focus on all the good times you had.
Wherever this person is right now, it is without question that you miss him a lot.
But instead of focusing on all the sadness that is surrounding his departure, remind yourself of all the good times you had together.
Think about how good you had it while it lasted and what an amazing part of your life he was. This will help you see that it was not all in vain.
He was a significant part of your life that made you happy for a period of time and you wouldn’t change that for the world, would you?
Think of it as a really great part of your life that has come to an end and now it’s time to find a new reason to be happy.
It doesn’t even need to be a significant other, you are reason enough to be happy. You are amazing, smart, confident, ambitious and kind.
You are somebody’s reason to be happy, so why not be your own?
Remind yourself of how happy you were with your life without this person and you will realize that you can be that happy again.
Just let yourself go through this array of emotions first and you will get back up on that horse in no time. Just like you always do.
Be grateful for the opportunity you had to feel how you felt with him and learn that not all things are meant to last.
You will find your happiness again and only then will it be for good. Have a little faith in yourself and good things will find you, like they always do.