We’ve all been there: you meet someone, you hit it off, and you fall into the same old pattern of endless conversations that never seem to lead to anything.
The TALKING stage.
If you want another failed talking stage, another round of questioning what’s wrong with you and rebuilding your self-confidence, go for it. But if you want to know why talking for months makes you feel miserable and without self-respect, keep scrolling down.
The initial excitement and the resulting disappointment, constantly waiting for their attention, overthinking and feeling stupid for opening up to someone new are only some of the reasons why I’m done with the talking stage.
Some of you might say that the talking stage is necessary if you want to find true love, and you’re right – but not if it lasts for half a year.
1. “I want this.” vs. “I’m not sure I want this.”
It’s natural to want to keep the conversation going while you try to figure out if you’re compatible or not. But if you’re talking more than actually doing anything, it’s time to take a step back and rethink your decisions.
They can go hours or even days without texting you and you can’t say “Where are you?” because you need to be polite and not stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. So you go with the well-behaved “Oh, how was your day?”
Do you really want that from a relationship? Spending endless hours thinking if you said something wrong, acted too clingy or if they just aren’t interested in you.
That’s why saying NO to the talking stage will let you clearly define what you WANT and DON’T WANT from your partner. And you won’t go against your principles. You owe yourself at least that much self-respect!
2. “You won’t manipulate me anymore.’’
Use your brain. Do you really have it in you to go through another talking phase that will last for several months? Telling someone your life story, traumas, favorite things, what makes you laugh? Just for you to be played at the end?
Will you fall for another “I really love spending time with you but I’m just not ready yet. Just give us some time and we will make it work. I promise?”
Having self-respect means valuing yourself enough to run from the person saying this. You can never be easily manipulated and hurt if you work for YOUR best interests, not theirs.
Unless you’re a hunter looking for self-sabotage and destruction, you better stop the chase.
3. “I’m done wasting my time with you.”
Maturing is realizing the talking stage is a waste of time. I said what I said. Think of it. Are you really going to date your dream partner or did you just waste three months of your life?
We all know that the second option is most probable, unfortunately.
Most of us never got past the talking stage because after the honeymoon phase they traditionally hit you with the “I think I’m not ready for a relationship now.’’
You end up wasting your time, emotions and will to find someone new. With each new failed talking stage your desire to get into another only decreases.
You’re left alone with your 2 AM thoughts thinking about never talking to anyone new again. Your time is you – so have some self-respect and don’t spend yourself on someone who doesn’t deserve you.
4. “I’m finally able to maintain my self-esteem.”
The talking stage is like the synonym for confusion. During this horrible time you question everything: your value, personality and interests.
The sad reality is that this talking stage is a one-way street in which most of the time, you’re the one making effort. Every time you’re the first to respond, you become more and more insecure about yourself.
So, believe me when I say that saying no to the talking stage will not only help you maintain your self-esteem but it will also make you feel empowered.
You’ll finally stop worrying about where you stand, whether you’re good enough, and what all those mixed signals mean.
Bye, bye, talking stage! It’s time to show off your maturity and strength by recognizing when something isn’t the right fit for you and standing up for yourself.
Don’t be afraid to put your foot down, it will do wonders for your peace of mind.
So, be brave and don’t let anyone talk you into something you don’t want – it’s the best way to take your self-respect to the highest level.