He is walking around now with that little voice inside his head telling him that you will send a text, call him any second now or do anything to get him back. He expects you to cry, crawl and beg for him to come back.
That’s why you will do the opposite. You will shock and surprise him. You will use reverse psychology and let him come to you after a break up.
You not reaching out will confuse him and that’s exactly what you are going for. Maybe you have been in a similar situation with him before or he knows how much you care for him or he knows your behavioral pattern and that’s why he expects you to behave in a certain way.
So it’s high time to stop being predictable and take things into your own hands.
The first thing you have to realize is that if you chase him, he will run even faster.
By initiating contact, by making moves for you guys to get back together, you will only push him further away.
I know you are looking at things from your point of view. I know that you think you need to prove your love by fighting for him to stay. But in doing so you will be fighting a battle you have already lost.
If he is the one who left then under no circumstances should you go after him.
It will only make you look desperate and needy and that’s something I am sure you are not aiming for.
Sure your efforts, tears, and begging might get him back but that’s a short-term fix.
If he comes back, it will be because he feels bad that he hurt you so badly and it won’t be long until he disappears from your life once again.
He should come back only if he still loves you and cares for you. Sympathy is not a feeling that you can build a long-lasting relationship on. And I don’t believe you would want that anyway.
I know you believe that going no contact with him will have no influence whatsoever and that he will forget all about you. But by not initiating contact, you have a better chance of getting him back than if you go after him.
By not contacting him, you are giving him the space to see what he had all along and left behind. The truth is, some men don’t know what they have until they lose it.
You need some space too, to see if you want him back in the first place.
And while your initial reaction is, “Of course I want him back,” things might not be that simple.
You have to realize that your emotions are preventing you from thinking clearly.
Give yourself time to breathe and think things through. Reflect on your relationship and see if he is really the man you want to spend your forever with.
See whether your relationship really had something worth fighting for, or if it had more red flags warning you that it was time to leave before he broke things off.
If he was playing games, manipulating or controlling you or showing any signs of toxic behavior then thank God he is gone and you should keep your distance.
Make sure your heart and your mind are in sync and that your heart is not deluding you into thinking he is someone you can’t live without.
Once you resolve these initial issues that you might be having, it’s time to execute the plan called ‘let him come to you after a break-up’.
There is no secret technique or miraculous remedy to fix what’s broken and bring back the man you love. These are little pushes to get things moving.
Most importantly, most of the things listed below are about you and what you can do for yourself.
Because oftentimes we forget that the most important relationship we will ever be in is the one we have with ourself.
We have to work on and build that relationship so that everything else in our life can work.
Self-love will bring you one step closer to his love
It’s not uncommon that while we are in a relationship we give so much love to another person that we take too much from ourself. As a result, things end and we are left with low self-esteem and are physically and emotionally drained.
That’s why it’s time you redirect your focus on building yourself back up.
Regaining your confidence is the first step you have to take to establish a good and firm relationship with yourself and eventually with others.
There is always a way to do that, you just have to find the one that suits you best.
You have to love yourself first in order for somebody else to love you back.
Even if this guy really doesn’t care about you and it’s time to move on, it’ll be much easier if you’re confident.
Don’t fall into the trap of writing long status updates about how sad you are without him, or using melancholic quotes or sad songs.
Don’t reach for anything that shows your anger or resentment toward him either.
Oversharing your emotions on social media is never a good idea.
It can only backfire and make you look desperate. Hold yourself back from publishing anything on any of your social media accounts.
It will spark his imagination to not know where you are or what you are up to.
Posting photos of your smiling face just after you have been through a break-up won’t help either; it will seem fake and forced.
But after some time has passed, you should definitely use social media to your advantage.
Share an article that moved you, or post a song that reminds you of some great moment you spent with him and it will definitely remind him too.
Post photos of you and your friends on new adventures. Let him know that life hasn’t stopped just because he is no longer a part of it.
See for yourself that regardless of him, you can make your life into whatever you want.
You are here to make yourself happy. You are the only one creating your destiny.
And as soon as you realize that, other people will see it too. He will see it too.
Give him room to miss you
He can’t miss you if your texts keep coming every few seconds. It’s never a good idea to text too much, especially when a relationship is over. It will just annoy him.
Your emotions will be running wild and you will get this urge to reach out to him, to get to the bottom of things and essentially just to keep him close, see his texts or hear his voice.
But that will just push him away. That’s why you have to control your emotions and your actions.
He has to have time to process your break up, regardless of whether he was the one who walked away or you. He has to have some time to see how it feels being without you.
There is also a good chance that he will want you more once he sees that he doesn’t have you anymore. That’s why it’s essential to give him some room to miss you.
Indirectly use the help of mutual friends
People who know you and who are involved in both of your lives will comment and talk, regardless of your wishes.
There will be some who will go back and forth between the two of you and offer their opinions or advice about your situation.
Use those meddling people and their ‘communication skills’ to your advantage.
Tell them what you want him to know because they will surely pass it on.
Tell them that it was his choice to walk away and that you have to respect it regardless of your feelings.
Tell them you will have to move on because that’s clearly what he wants and you have no other choice but to be happy with yourself first and then one day with somebody else.
This information will trigger something inside of him. He will realize he will lose you for good if he doesn’t act immediately.
Show him and yourself that you want him but don’t need him
He will look at you as somebody inferior, somebody who is unworthy of his time, if he sees that your world starts and ends with him.
That’s why it’s important for you to have your own world, your own interests, and social life.
You need to know who you are when you are alone and when you are with him.
You need to have a life that you are happy with, regardless of your relationship status. That’s not something that should define you.
He needs to know that you can live without him but if you had a choice you would prefer not to.
Naturally, he is important to you but your world shouldn’t revolve around him.
You need to be your own priority. You have to learn to put yourself first. That’s the only way he will start putting you first too.
If he does call, avoid being too available
No, that doesn’t mean you will avoid texting him, or going out with him if he asks you—follow your gut and trust your head, not your heart, in situations like this.
You will see the intention behind his wishes to meet. Maybe he is really sorry about how things ended up and he wants to see how you are doing or whether or not he still has a chance with you.
Another big maybe is that he is lonely, needs someone to talk to or misses sex, in which case you shouldn’t see him at all, You are not there to be at his disposal and jump every time he tells you to.
No matter how much you love him and want him back, make sure you demand the respect you deserve. Don’t let him treat you as an option when you are born to be someone’s priority.
Don’t make things harder on yourself
By calling him or texting him, you are making a bad situation even worse.
It wasn’t you who said that you should distance from each other or end a relationship.
Respect his decision. If love is really there, it’s no place for forcing things.
There is no use in forcing somebody to stay in your life if they don’t want to.
You have to let them go and if they come back, they were always yours, they just probably needed some space to see things clearly.
If they don’t come back, they were never even yours to begin with and that’s the only truth.
You also have to keep in mind that nothing happens overnight and that men and women deal with break ups in different ways.
While you will be devastated at first and barely be able to hold on from all the pain that a broken heart can bring, he will probably need a lot more time to get to where you are now.
It’s not because he doesn’t care, it’s because his brain works in a different way.
He will probably be too busy socializing with his friends and celebrating his freedom.
However, while your initial pain will wear off with time, his will start with time. He will realize what he has lost once everything settles and you are OK.
Although you’ll never know, “Will it be too late then? Will you still want him? Will you take him back?” you will see in due time.
Meanwhile, remember to work on making yourself happy, regardless of the outcome.
The bottom line is that you should let him come to you after a break up rather than to chase after him. Everything that happens after a break-up has to happen on his initiative.
He has to establish contact first, he has to make room in his life again. It was his decision to leave, it should be his decision to come back—that is, if you still want him back and if you are ready to give him a second chance after all that you have been through.
You being able to control your emotions and avoiding all contact will be beneficial for both of you.
When he sees that you are not reaching out, he won’t help but wonder why.
He will want to know where you are at and what’s happening in your life when he is not around.
Sadly, the best way to make him miss you is for him to think you are no longer an option.
It would be beneficial for you too because maybe you need to give yourself some room.
Sometimes we are too close and too in love to see things clearly. If things are inevitably over, if he doesn’t come to you after a break-up, let things end with class.
Don’t sell yourself short by texting, calling or by contacting in any way someone who doesn’t make an effort to be a part of your life.
Don’t bend over backward for somebody who is clearly not the right man for you. You are better than that and it’s time you recognized your value.
You shouldn’t pull him by the sleeve, explaining to him how great you guys are together, as he should already know that.
If he doesn’t know what he has and if he doesn’t realize it in time, you are not missing out on much.
By holding on to him you might be missing out on someone who will know how to stay, someone who won’t have to lose you to realize how much you mean to him. Someone to build a forever with.