It’s broad daylight. You’re standing in the middle of the street, furious with the rage you’ve been holding inside for far too long, arguing with someone your life currently revolves around.
He didn’t call you, and he promised he would. This happens all the time, and you’re just fed up with it. All of this is happening and the possible love of your life is sitting in the coffee place across the street watching you, nodding his head and sipping his macchiato.
While you are out there wasting your life on a man who is bound to hurt you sooner or later (a bad boy that doesn’t want to commit), the love of your life is standing right in front of you, but you don’t even notice him.
But the thing is, these almost extinct creatures, these nice guys are so hard to find because they’ve been outshined by Tinder guys and creatures of the modern dating world.
It’s really almost impossible to find a man who’ll treat you right, who’ll genuinely care for you, so you settle for an immature jerk and you hope for the best – you hope he is not a jerk.
But surprise, surprise. He is just one more in the sea of men who’ll hurt you. It’s like they are everywhere, and they are spreading so fast, like a plague.
We are so used to stuffing ourselves with ice cream while crying humongous tears and talking to our friends over the phone constantly repeating one word, one eternal question – WHY?!
That’s what we do. That’s what these modern men have made us do.
The bottom line is, we seem to be living a life of pain, true heart-wrecking pain because it’s been a year you’re dating, and he still doesn’t know whether he’d like to take things seriously or not.
Is having a committed relationship that hard? Are we asking for too much? In this day and age, it seems we are.
So, I’ve been thinking, and I had to ask myself why do we always fall for bad boys, men who’ll definitely hurt us in the end, and I came to a conclusion. This is what you’re doing, you and me both:
1. You want to fix them
Nurturing is written in your genetic code. You have this inside deep instinct to help people who seem broken. And who is more perfect for the role of the victim in your eyes than a bad boy, a man clearly in need of fixing.
So you roll up your sleeves and you begin your quest – to save his poor, little, wounded soul. How does it all end? With you barely getting up from your bed in the morning, and he partying away ‘to forget’. Clearly, he is having such a hard time. Boohoo!
You choose these men because real men don’t need to be fixed; ergo they are not as attractive.
2. You’re scared of commitment
Well, isn’t this surprising? Women commitment-phobes? Yes, this is a thing. Yes, this exists. So, when a right man comes along, he wants to be serious about you. He wants to have a future with you and that scares the shit out of you.
Naturally, you won’t take any risks, so you go running to a man who is also scared of commitment. You know you’re safe. You know he won’t be asking you to take your relationship to a new level.
Although, there is one thing you weren’t counting on and that’s the scenario where you fall for him hard, and you change your mind about commitment fear, but he doesn’t. In this case, you get hurt, and you didn’t plan things on going that way.
3. You run away from predictable men
Normal men seem too stable. There is no chaos around them which gives you the sense that they’re boring.
On the other hand, who says that the chaos bad boys create around them means they are fun and exciting? Usually, the chaos is interesting once or twice, but after some time, it becomes frustrating.
Because you, as all of us, want to feel safe and secure. And that is something a bad boy will never give you.
4. You’re paralyzed by his hotness
They are d-bags. They are everything a woman should never fall for, but you have to give them one thing and that is they are freakin’ hot!
And the worst thing is they know they are hot, and they use it every day to get whatever they want. Not a lot of us can say ‘no’ to big blue dreamy eyes and the body of a Greek god, I’ll give you that.
What to do about this?
Women crave stability, safety, and kindness the same way they crave excitement, adventure, and attraction. Normal, ordinary guys have all of those things, but most of the time all of us get blinded by those superficial ‘bad boy’ traits that fade soon.
Look for a man who is down to earth. Look for a stable guy and you won’t be sorry. He is not boring or predictable. He is just not all over the place. But that doesn’t mean a bit of ‘badness’ is hidden underneath the ‘good’ exterior. That doesn’t mean he is not as fun and adventurous as a bad boy.