We all know dating is a gamble. One minute, you’re expecting a charming, rom-com-worthy night, and the next, you’re plotting your great escape before dessert even arrives.
Maybe he called his ex mid-date, maybe he spent 45 minutes talking about his protein powder, or maybe he showed up wearing toe shoes (yes, that actually happened). Whatever the case, some women refuse to suffer through the agony—and instead, pull off some of the most legendary exits of all time.
So, if you’ve ever dreamed of a flawless getaway strategy, you’re in for a treat. Here are 33 of the funniest, most outrageous excuses women have used to dodge terrible dates—and honestly? We can’t even be mad at them.
1. The ‘Forgot to Feed My Cat’ Excuse
I was midway through an awkward silence with a date who couldn’t stop bragging about his extensive sock collection when I suddenly exclaimed, “Oh no, I forgot to feed Mr. Whiskers!” Now, I don’t even own a cat, but in that moment, Mr. Whiskers saved me.
The look of concern on my date’s face was almost enough to make me feel guilty, but alas, I stood up, feigned urgency, and dashed out of there.
Sometimes, you have to invent a cat to save yourself from a catastrophe. After all, who could blame a devoted ‘pet mom’ for rushing home to her furry friend in need?
2. The ‘Emergency Call from Mom’ Trick
When I subtly signaled my friend to call me, I didn’t expect the Oscar-worthy performance that was about to unfold. “Mom? What happened?” I gasped loudly enough for the tables around to hear.
My date leaned in, suddenly very interested in this ‘family crisis’. As I listened to my friend’s pretend story about a flooded basement, I nodded seriously, occasionally throwing in a shocked, “Oh my gosh, really?”
Feigning panic, I mouthed an apology to my bewildered date, explaining that I had to help ‘Mom’ immediately. It was a standout performance that deserved a standing ovation—and more importantly, my freedom.
3. The ‘Sudden Migraine’ Escape
Ever faked a headache so intense it could rival a Hollywood action movie climax? Well, I have, and let me tell you, it’s both an art and a science.
Halfway through listening to my date’s detailed recount of every football game he’d ever watched, I decided it was time for my migraine to make a guest appearance.
Clutching my forehead, I winced and apologized, claiming my vision was blurring and I needed to lie down immediately. With a few concerned nods from him and a swift exit courtesy of my acting prowess, I was out the door and back in my element—enjoying my own company.
4. The ‘Babysitter Canceled’ Scenario
Imagine this: you’re on a date with someone who insists on sharing conspiracy theories about the moon landing, and you need to escape fast. Cue the ‘babysitter dilemma’.
My phone buzzed, and I put on my best ‘concerned parent’ face, explaining that my babysitter had just canceled on me. Not a parent, not my problem, but it was the perfect excuse!
With a polite apology and a promise to reschedule (which I had no intention of keeping), I was out of there faster than you can say ‘fake moon landing’. Sometimes, it takes an imaginary child to save you from a real-life nightmare.
5. The ‘Forgotten Anniversary’ Fabrication
Sitting across from a date who was enthusiastically recounting his diet plan—down to every last calorie—I realized I needed an exit strategy. That’s when it hit me: the classic ‘forgotten anniversary’.
Feigning horror, I checked my watch and gasped. “Oh no, today’s my parents’ anniversary, and I promised to call them!” I stammered, quickly gathering my things.
Apologizing profusely, I assured him that family comes first. Sure, there was no anniversary and no parental call in sight, but it was enough to get me out before dessert arrived. Sometimes, a little white lie about love can save you from boredom.
6. The ‘Work Emergency Email’
As my date delved into an unsolicited TED Talk on cryptocurrency, I realized I needed a swift exit. My ‘urgent work email’ was just the ticket.
I glanced at my phone, pretending to furrow my brow at a sudden, pressing email from a colleague. “I’m really sorry, but I have to handle this work emergency,” I said, my fingers already tapping away at my imaginary reply.
With a regretful smile and a promise to make it up another time, I made my escape. Sometimes, your boss’s imaginary emails are the perfect excuse to leave an actual date.
7. The ‘Friend in Distress’ Excuse
Mid-conversation with a date who was more interested in his reflection than in me, I knew I needed a way out. My friend’s ‘crisis’ was the perfect plan.
Texting under the table, I crafted an urgent message, then looked up with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, my friend is having a meltdown and needs me right now,” I announced.
With a quick apology, I was gone, leaving him to admire himself in the reflection of his phone screen. After all, sometimes your friend’s ’emergency’ is really all about preserving your own sanity.
8. The ‘Sudden Allergy Attack’
When my date started detailing his ‘groundbreaking’ theories on why aliens built the pyramids, I knew I needed to escape. Enter: the ‘sudden allergy attack’.
A couple of fake sneezes and a strategically placed tissue were all it took. “I’m so sorry, I think I’m allergic to something here,” I said, eyes watering.
As I pretended to dab at my nose, I made my apologies and headed for the door, leaving him pondering extraterrestrial architects solo. Sometimes, a sneeze is your best ally in evading a lengthy conspiracy chat.
9. The ‘Lost Wallet Panic’
I was sinking into my chair, listening to my date describe in painstaking detail every CrossFit workout he ever completed. That’s when I decided my ‘lost wallet’ had to make an entrance.
Feigning a frantic search through my purse, I exclaimed, “I can’t believe it, my wallet is missing!” Panic painted across my face, I apologized profusely.
Explaining I had to go home to search for it, I made a hasty exit. Sometimes, losing your imaginary wallet is just what you need to find your way back to freedom.
10. The ‘Forgot to Pick Up the Dry Cleaning’ Excuse
As my date embarked on an hour-long monologue about his gaming achievements, I realized this wasn’t going to work. Cue the ‘forgot to pick up dry cleaning’ excuse.
Pretending to check the time, I gasped, “Oh no, I completely forgot! The dry cleaners close soon, and I need that dress for tomorrow!”
With a hurried apology and a promise to chat later, I made my escape. Sometimes, a fictional errand is just the ticket to escape a date lost in their own digital world.
11. The ‘Dog Ran Away’ Scenario
On a date where the guy spent more time scrolling his phone than talking, I decided my ‘dog’ had run away. As if on cue, my phone rang (thanks, bestie!), and I put on my best worried pet owner face.
“Oh no, what do you mean he ran off? I’ll be there as soon as I can!” I exclaimed, pretending to listen intently.
I apologized to my date, explaining my ‘dog’ had escaped and I needed to find him. It was my cue to exit and leave Mr. Screen-Addict behind. Sometimes, a loyal imaginary pet is the key to a swift escape.
12. The ‘Sudden Onset of Food Poisoning’
Have you ever wished you could just vanish into thin air? Well, a sudden ’bout of food poisoning’ is the next best thing. As my date droned on about his ‘unique’ philosophy of eating only purple foods, I knew it was time to act.
Clutching my stomach, I grimaced, “I really don’t feel well. I think I ate something bad.”
With a quick apology and a promise to reschedule (never), I dashed for the door, leaving Mr. Purple Foods to ponder his culinary choices. Sometimes, a little queasiness is the perfect excuse to escape a date that’s not your taste.
13. The ‘Long-Lost Friend in Town’
Midway through listening to my date’s exhaustive list of favorite spreadsheets, I realized I needed a swift exit. Enter the ‘long-lost friend’.
Feigning surprise as my phone buzzed, I exclaimed, “I can’t believe it, my college friend just texted! She’s in town for one night only!”
With apologies and a hasty departure, I left Mr. Spreadsheet to his own devices. Sometimes, a fictional reunion is just the excuse you need to break free from a monotonous encounter.
14. The ‘I Swore I Locked the Door’ Trick
Ever had that nagging feeling you left the iron on or door unlocked? Well, it’s a perfect excuse on a lackluster date. With my date engrossed in recounting his comic book collection, I suddenly ‘remembered’.
“I can’t believe I forgot to double-check if I locked my door!” I said, feigning panic.
Apologizing and claiming I’d call a neighbor to check, I made my exit. Sometimes, a little paranoia about home safety is your ticket to freedom from a date stuck in fantasyland.
15. The ‘Car Won’t Start’ Dilemma
Finding myself trapped in a conversation about my date’s ‘groundbreaking’ patent ideas, I decided it was time for my car to experience ‘issues’.
Excusing myself to make a call, I returned looking distressed. “I just talked to my mechanic; my car won’t start! I need to get it towed ASAP.”
With apologies for leaving abruptly, I was out the door, happily leaving Mr. Inventor behind. Sometimes, a fictional car trouble is the perfect ride out of a tedious chat.
16. The ‘Unexpected Work Deadline’
Caught in the middle of a monologue about my date’s revolutionary vegan smoothie recipes, I realized my ‘work deadline’ had just materialized.
Checking my phone with a dramatic sigh, I said, “I can’t believe it, my boss just emailed about a deadline I forgot!”
With a sheepish grin and a swift exit, I left Mr. Smoothie to ponder his kale concoctions. Sometimes, a surprise work crisis is exactly what you need to make your own escape smoothie.
17. The ‘I Forgot to Water My Plants’ Excuse
Have you ever been so bored on a date that watering plants seemed like a dream escape? Well, I certainly have. As my date detailed his passion for collecting vintage staplers, I knew my plants needed me.
Feigning shock, I exclaimed, “I completely forgot to water my plants before I left!”
With a rushed apology, I promised to reschedule and made my escape. Sometimes, a little horticultural responsibility is the perfect excuse to leave a conversation that just doesn’t grow on you.
18. The ‘Last-Minute Family Obligation’
Halfway through a date with someone who couldn’t stop talking about their collection of rare bottle caps, I realized I needed an escape plan. My ‘family obligation’ was the way out.
Pretending to receive a call, I looked apologetic. “I’m really sorry, but I’ve just been reminded of a family thing I can’t miss!”
With a promise to catch up another time, I made my exit, leaving him and his bottle caps behind. Sometimes, family (real or imagined) is the best excuse to get out of a date going nowhere.
19. The ‘Neighbor Locked Out’
In the midst of a date where my companion couldn’t stop discussing his fascination with taxidermy, I knew it was time to make a move. Enter: the ‘locked-out neighbor’.
Pretending my phone rang, I gasped, “I’m so sorry; my neighbor just called. She’s locked out, and I have to help her!”
With sincere apologies and a swift departure, I left Mr. Taxidermy to his own stuffed devices. Sometimes, a fictional neighbor in need is just what you require to find your way back to freedom.
20. The ‘I’m Needed at the Shelter’ Excuse
On a date where my companion couldn’t stop discussing his intense dislike for fruits, I decided it was time to claim my ‘shelter duty’.
Checking my phone with concern, I said, “Oh no, the animal shelter just messaged me; they really need an extra hand tonight!”
Profusely apologizing, I made my quick escape, silently thanking the imaginary shelter animals. Sometimes, a fabricated call from the shelter is the perfect reason to exit a fruitless conversation.
21. The ‘Sudden Washing Machine Disaster’
As my date waxed lyrical about the virtues of his extensive coin collection, I decided my washing machine had to spring a leak.
Feigning a phone call emergency, I said, “I’m so sorry, my washing machine just flooded the laundry room! I have to go!”
With a quick apology, I dashed out, leaving Mr. Coin Collector to his hobbies. Sometimes, an imaginary household disaster is just what you need to cleanly break away from a date that’s all washed up.
22. The ‘Unplugged Curling Iron’ Excuse
On a date where every word felt like pulling teeth, I suddenly ‘remembered’ the curling iron I might have left plugged in.
Looking alarmed, I explained, “I just remembered I didn’t unplug my curling iron! I need to rush home before it turns into a fire hazard!”
With an apologetic smile and a swift exit, I left Mr. Chatty behind. Sometimes, an imaginary fire hazard is the perfect way to extinguish a tedious encounter.
23. The ‘Unexpected Friend Arrival’
When I found myself stuck with a date who was more interested in his phone than in conversation, I knew it was time for a surprise friend visit.
Pretending to be exciteted, I said, “I can’t believe it! My friend just arrived in town unexpectedly! I really need to catch up with her.”
With apologies and a promise to reschedule, I made my exit. Sometimes, a little unexpected friendship is just what you need to reclaim your evening.
24. The ‘Borrowed Book Return’ Excuse
As my date started explaining his fascination with medieval weaponry, I suddenly remembered I had a book to return.
Feigning urgency, I said, “I promised to return this book tonight; my friend really needs it back.”
With a hurried farewell, I left Mr. Medieval to ponder his swords and shields. Sometimes, a borrowed book is your best excuse to escape a conversation stuck in the past.
25. The ‘Unexpected Rainstorm’ Escape
Caught in a downpour of mind-numbing stats on my date’s fantasy football league, I decided an unexpected rainstorm was my cue.
Glancing outside with surprise, I exclaimed, “Oh no, it’s pouring! I left my windows open at home!”
With a rushed exit, I left Mr. Fantasy League to weather his own storm. Sometimes, a little imaginary rain is all you need to make a quick getaway.
26. The ‘Sudden Call from Boss’
Mid-conversation with a date fixated on his collection of vintage vinyls, I realized it was time for a work-related escape.
Pretending to be stressed, I said, “I’m so sorry, my boss just called about a work emergency. I have to go!”
I left Mr. Vinyl to spin his records. Sometimes, a fictional call from your boss is the perfect tune to exit a repetitive playlist.
27. The ‘Forgot to Cancel a Subscription’ Excuse
Finding myself trapped in a date with someone who couldn’t stop narrating his fascination with traffic patterns, I decided my subscription needed canceling.
Acting realization, I said, “I completely forgot! I need to cancel my subscription before I get charged!”
With apologies, I left Mr. Traffic to his own congestion. Sometimes, a forgotten subscription is the perfect excuse to move on.
28. The ‘Urgent Package Delivery’
Caught in a date where my companion couldn’t stop talking about his ‘unique’ shoe collection, I decided my package needed signing.
Feigning surprise, I said, “I’m so sorry, I just got notified that my package is being delivered early! I have to be there to sign it.”
I left Mr. Shoe Aficionado to ponder his soles. Sometimes, a little delivery urgency is the perfect excuse to step out.
29. The ‘Forgotten Dinner in Oven’ Escape
In the middle of a date discussing his passion for obscure classical composers, I decided my dinner was about to burn.
Acting alarmed, I said, “I just remembered I left something in the oven! I need to save it from burning!”
With apologies, I left Mr. Obscure to his symphonies. Sometimes, an imaginary meal in jeopardy is the perfect excuse to leave a discordant conversation.
30. The ‘Sudden Wi-Fi Outage’ Dilemma
Listening to my date explain his blockchain adventures, I decided my Wi-Fi needed fixing.
Feigning frustration, I said, “Oh no, I just got a notification that my home Wi-Fi is down! I need to fix it before it escalates.”
With a swift departure, I left Mr. Blockchain to his own connections. Sometimes, a phony tech issue is the perfect excuse to unplug from a dull date.
31. The ‘Unexpected Gas Leak’ Excuse
As I sat across from a date who couldn’t stop detailing his love for competitive bird watching, I knew I needed a way out.
Pretending to be on a phone call, I said, “I just got notified of a gas leak at my apartment! I need to leave right now!”
I made my exit, leaving him to his bird sightings. Sometimes, a little imaginary danger is the perfect excuse to fly away.
32. The ‘Last-Minute Paperwork’ Situation
On a date with someone keen on discussing their tax return details, I decided my paperwork needed urgent attention.
Feigning stress, I said, “Oh no, I forgot about some urgent paperwork I have to complete tonight!”
With apologies, I left Mr. Tax Talk to his deductions. Sometimes, a little fictional paperwork is exactly what you need to wrap up a taxing date.
33. The ‘Plumbing Emergency’
When my date started explaining his theories on the best way to alphabetize spices, I realized my plumbing needed a crisis.
Pretending to be alarmed, I said, “I just got informed of a plumbing emergency at home; I have to go immediately!”
With apologies and a quick exit, I left Mr. Spice Organizer to his own alphabetical order. Sometimes, a little imaginary chaos is the best way to organize your escape.