¿Estás engañando a alguien? Cómo saberlo y cómo dejarlo
“I feel like I was unintentionally leading him on,” a friend of mine told me after a coworker confessed that he le gustaba de una manera romántica. Lamentaba haber herido sus sentimientos y sentía que debía disculparse. Pero, ¿realmente era ella la culpable?
If you’ve ever been led on, or if you’re wondering if someone is doing it to you right now, puede que te sientas utilizado y herido.
On the other hand, if you’ve ever been accused of leading someone on, and you didn’t mean to do it, it’s confusing and can make you feel ashamed and guilty.
You’ve come to the right place to find out why people do it, if you are doing it and how to stop, and how to recognize if it’s happening to you.
¿Cuál es la definición de engañar a alguien?
“Guiar a alguien, phrasal verb. To persuade someone to believe something that is untrue.” – Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary & Thesaurus
Synonyms include “to trick (someone) into believing” and “to mislead by lying.”
It’s clear from these definitions that this is a deliberate act. This means that there’s no such thing as leading someone on unintentionally.
Being led on means being deceived into expecting something by someone who has no intention of following through with it, and it isn’t limited only to romantic relationships.
Por ejemplo, puede que su jefe le insista sugiriéndole la posibilidad de un aumento de sueldo o un ascenso, pero no tenga previsto hacerlo realidad.
En otras palabras, alguien que guiar a alguien is aware that they’re doing it and realizes the consequences of their actions. If you’re the one doing it, you already know.
5 razones por las que la gente engaña a alguien
Even though it’s not always done out of a place of cruelty, being led on can feel that way to the person who’s experiencing it. Puede tener un efecto perjudicial en su autoestima y llevarles al desamor.
Why would someone feign interest in another person and make them believe they will get together? If you don’t want someone, why pretend you do?
Muchas personas engañan a otras para conseguir lo que quieren de la relación existente.
Las personas que provocan conscientemente a alguien suelen hacerlo por una de las siguientes razones, o por una combinación de ellas:
1. Disfrutan de la atención
La sensación de poder que produce caer bien es adictiva para algunas personas. La emoción de ser deseados les hace volver a por más., even if they don’t want to go any further than bask in the attention they’ve been receiving.
They don’t stop to think about what it’s like for the other person. Recepción saludos and feeling attractive gives them a thrill and feeling of excitement that doesn’t take into account the other person’s emotions.
Las personas así pueden ir saltando de persona en persona, buscando más y más admiración y halagos.
2. They’re insecure
Una persona insegura puede estar engañando a alguien porque saber que alguien quiere tener una relación con ellos les da validación.
Even if they aren’t actually interested in the person or a relationship with them, they feel accepted, so they keep them around to get as much of it as possible.
If they’re insecure about their worth or don’t know how else to feel approval, they take any chance to fill an emotional void, even if it means making false promises.
Este tipo de persona puede seguirte la corriente durante mucho tiempo, manteniéndote enganchado hasta que encuentre su siguiente fuente de validación.
3. They’re uncertain
Quizá tuvisteis una primera cita y se fueron a casa sin saber si les interesabas. Y después, durante un largo periodo de tiempo, se lo pensó mejor para decidir si le gustabas o no.
All along, you’ve been waiting and hoping because you liked them from the first moment. What is a nuisance to them might be a very emotional experience for the person they’re leading on.
They might be confused, afraid of commitment, unsure whether they want a relationship at all, so they’ll keep you on standby or in a situación.
With this person, you can be sure that they’ll never pick you, and their hesitation is just a way to keep you in place until someone else comes along.
4. They’re stringing you along
They’re doing this to others, or they’re already in a relationship. While you’re thinking about a relationship with them, they’re thinking about the next person in line.
This person believes they have their pick, so they’re weighing their options and engañándote. If you want exclusivity, you’ll probably never get it from someone like this.
Se podría decir que la gente así son cobardes temerosos de tomar una decisión. You shouldn’t care about someone who makes you a possibility instead of a priority.
5. Sólo quieren sexo
Una relación basada en el sexo debe definirse desde el principio, o es muy probable que alguien salga herido. Puede que para ellos sea algo puramente físico y que tú ya tengas sentimientos.
If it’s not an agreed-upon amigos con derecho a roce situación, puede que esperes que tu relación avance en una dirección más estable. Someone who is leading you on won’t tell you that they don’t have any intention of doing so.
Make your self-care a priority and walk away if you think they’re using you. Esperar a que cambien de opinión sólo te perjudicará.
How Do You Tell If You’re Leading Someone On?
El contexto es importante en las relaciones. Algunas cosas pueden tener más de un significado, dependiendo de la situación.
If you believe that someone wants to have a relationship with you, yet you don’t feel the same, giving them even the smallest bit of attention might be considered leading them on.
If you don’t intend to get into the kind of relationship they want and continue doing things they might construe as interest, you’re leading them on.
Provided you don’t suspect that someone is interested in you, the following are not signs of leading someone on:
- Ser amable
• Communicating often
- Enjoys someone’s company and hanging out
- Apertura y compartir detalles sobre ti mismo
- Mostrar interés por ellos como personas
• Giving them help and support
Si crees que pueden querer un determinado tipo de relación, lo primero que debes hacer es hablar con ellos. La forma más fácil de saber cómo se sienten es preguntarles y hacerles saber cuál es su postura.
If the other person is interested in you the way you aren’t interested in them, everything that could be interpreted as intimate might lead them on.
En caso de duda, pregúntate si lo harías con tus otros amigos.
Cosas que pueden ser señales de estar engañando a alguien si le gustas:
- Ligar
- Mimos
• Dates
- Besos
• Making promises
Put it this way, if you know they’re into you, and you give them hope when you don’t plan on changing your mind, you’re leading them on.
Cómo hacer frente a la instigación y dejar de hacerlo con los demás
Now that we’ve learned why people do it and how to know if you’re doing it to someone else, let’s take a look at the ways it can happen.
As we mentioned, it all depends on the context and intentions – whether you know if someone is interested in you and if you’re interested in them.
These conditions allow for three possible situations: you intentionally leading someone on, realizing that a friend has developed feelings, and someone you thought of as a friend showing that they’ve wanted something else the whole time.
1. You’ve been intentionally leading someone on
Feelings that aren’t reciprocated can lead to pain, but having false hope feels even worse. Puede hacer que una persona se sienta utilizada y devastada.
Engañar a alguien es egoísta. Knowing you’ll never love them back and keeping them hooked shows a lack of concern for their feelings and well-being.
You’re probably aware that you’re doing it and want to stop, or you wouldn’t care to look it up. Where do you go from here?
- Enmendar las cosas. Be honest and kind. Apologize and be genuine. Tell them you’re sorry for your actions and hurting them.
If you’re not sure about them, or you’re mantenerlos como opción...déjalos ir inmediatamente. You are well aware that you’ll never come to love them, so stop wasting their time.
Prepárate para que te odien. This isn’t about you right now – it’s about them. Be conscious of the fact that you’ve knowingly caused them pain.
- Trabaja en ti mismo. Think about why you pretended to care when you know how they felt and that you didn’t feel the same.
If you’re insecure and looking for external validation in the form of love from someone you don’t feel the same for, you might first need to work on yourself.
Si usted ansiar atención, focus on self-love until you feel like you’re happy with yourself.
2. Un amigo se enamoró
Normalmente, cuando una persona siente que su amigo puede que le gusten a little more than they like them, they start to wonder if they’ve been leading them on. A lot of times, you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, so you’re not sure how to deal with it.
You might be feeling guilty and wondering, “If they do have feelings for me, do the things I do seem like I’m leading them on?”
You can’t force yourself to be attracted to someone and vice versa. Un buen amigo que te aprecie lo entenderá.
- Despeja el aire. Se trata de una situación delicada, y querrás enfocarla así. Sé muy compasivo pero asertivo. Clearly let them know that you don’t see yourself in a romantic relationship with them.
Déjales elegir qué hacer y dales todo el tiempo y el espacio que necesiten.
- Don’t be hard on yourself. Alguien que está siendo realmente amistoso y no está jugando no tiene nada por lo que disculparse.
Being gentle while letting your friend know you don’t feel the same way is one thing – taking responsibility for something that isn’t your fault is another.
You can enjoy someone’s company without being attracted to them. The other person might develop a crush if they feel attracted to you and if you’re friendly.
3. Fingieron ser amigos
It’s normal to like someone without them knowing. There can be a lot of reasons someone won’t come out and make their feelings known.
However, it becomes suspicious when the only reason for any kindness throughout your relationship is hope that it will butter you up and you’ll get together.
Let’s put it this way: if someone is deliberately giving you the wrong impression that they want to be friends while they’re after something else, it’s you who’s being led on.
Incluso podría darse el caso de que alguien que se autodenomina buen chico pero en realidad sólo pretende ser amable para manipularte en una relación.
Some red flags that the person isn’t actually your friend but that they have false pretenses are:
- “Friendzone.” Using this word to describe your relationship shows that their friendship was fake and that they don’t value your company, only what they think they can get from you.
- Derecho. If they’re talking about what they have “invested” into you (feelings, time, money), they’re expecting something in exchange. By thinking of your relationship as if it were a transaction, they’re showing their intentions.
- Negativa a aceptar el rechazo. If they’re not able to accept that you’re not interested and keep trying to get you to change your mind, they’re clearly showing that they don’t care about your feelings.
Such people feel entitled and put the blame on others when their expectations aren’t met. They expect payback for their politeness, feigned care, and friendliness. You don’t owe anyone your heart and your body.
It’s always best to keep a person like this out of your life. Sé firme y protégete.
Conclusión
The term “leading someone on” is often used to explain why someone’s romantic feelings aren’t being reciprocated despite expectations. Depending on what those expectations are based on, they might be right, or they might have the wrong impression.
Believing that someone who’s continuously flirting with you and hinting at romantic interest is planning to accept your feelings is different from misinterpreting someone’s friendliness.
Not leading someone on is all about intention and responsibility. If you think they like you, and your actions might make them like you more, talk to them if you’re not interested.
