¿Qué significa que un narcisista se calle? (+ Cómo responder)

Todas las víctimas de abuso emocional le dirán que no hay nada peor que cuando un narcisista se calla. Irónicamente, la mayoría de ellas testifican que prefieren las rabietas y las peleas a las evasivas.

Bueno, todos los que padecen un trastorno narcisista de la personalidad (NPD) son muy conscientes de ello y saben que dar a alguien el tratamiento del silencio puede ser la forma más dolorosa de abuso emocional.

Aunque cueste admitirlo, estas personas tienen una mente retorcida y buscan diferentes formas de devaluar a sus víctimas y, finalmente, salirse con la suya con sus formas enfermizas.

Si tuviste un ex-marido o una ex-esposa narcisista o estás involucrado con una pareja narcisista en este momento, ya sabes lo que hay que hacer.

They shut down out of nowhere, stop responding to your texts and phone calls, and completely vanish from your life. Or they’re still physically present but act like you don’t exist.

For someone who hasn’t experienced this hell, the narcissist’s silent treatment sounds pretty harmless. In fact, some people will probably tell you that it’s not such a big deal.

Well, it is. It does not only destroy your self-confidence but, what is even worse, it drags you even deeper into a narcissistic net – which is exactly what your abuser wants to accomplish.

So, the question arises: How should you respond when a narcissist goes quiet? Before we get there, let’s scratch beneath the surface and understand what this stonewalling is and why it happens in the first place.

¿Qué es el silencio tóxico?

En pocas palabras, el silencio tóxico consiste en evitar cualquier forma de comunicación posible.

It doesn’t necessarily have to include someone physically disappearing from your life – puedes recibir el tratamiento del silencio de la persona junto a la que te levantas cada mañana.

We’ve all been in a situation where our la pareja se niega a hablar con nosotros después de una pelea. When you ask them what’s wrong or what’s bothering them, you get short or blunt answers.

In most cases, they’re gaslighting usted. They’ll try hard to convince you that everything is perfectly alright and that you’re imagining things. In the meantime, their body language and actions will tell you something completely different.

At the end of the day, you can’t help but wonder if you’re going crazy. Have you done something wrong that caused this reaction?

¿Es usted el culpable de esta situación? ¿Cómo puedes mejorarla?

While you’re asking yourself all of these questions, you’re simultaneously doing your best to get to your significant other. You just want to find out what you can do to make things better.

But every time you make an attempt towards reconciliation, you face a stone wall. Or they’re out of your life completely, and you can’t reach them at all.

Maybe they’re still physically present but act completely emotionally detached from you. Either way, you feel utterly lost.

It’s like this person is trying to make you read their mind. They refuse to cooperate and communicate but at the same time are punishing you for the mistakes you’re not even aware of making.

If they were the one who did something wrong, before you know it, you’ve forgotten all about it.

Even if we’re talking about infidelity or abuse – you just want your loved one back, and you’re ready to do whatever it takes for your relationship to go back to its old ways.

El círculo sin fin de los tratamientos tóxicos silenciosos

Perhaps the worst part is that you don’t know where you stand. Your entire life is practically on hold.

If this is happening for the first time, you can’t possibly know what to expect. Is this a break-up? Will you get any closure? Or will they ever start communicating with you again?

At this point, some victims do their best to move on with their lives – especially in cases when the narcissist is not physically present next to them.

Por doloroso que sea, aceptan que su relación ha terminado y se centran en recoger los pedazos rotos de su corazón.

Sin embargo, suele ser cuando el el narcisista intenta volverjusto cuando estabas a punto de superarlos. Sin más, vuelven a aparecer en tu vida.

¿Y tú qué haces? ¿Exiges una conversación madura sobre todo lo que ha pasado?

Sadly, no. You’re overjoyed that you have your loved one back to the point where you’re too scared to start any arguments.

You just go with the flow and start acting like nothing ever happened. Before you know it, you’re trapped in an endless cycle of toxic silence.

They’ve gotten away with this behavior this time, haven’t they? So, what’s stopping them from repeating the same thing over and over again – practically everytime they feel like it?

Nothing, that’s right.

Véase también: Cómo hacer que un narcisista se obsesione contigo en 9 sencillos pasos

Cuando un narcisista se calla, ¿por qué ocurre?

Antes de aprender a enfrentarte a esta técnica narcisista de la forma correcta, tienes que entender por qué ocurre.

First and foremost, let’s be clear about one thing: Las personas que padecen un trastorno narcisista de la personalidad (NPD) tienen una forma de pensar y de comportarse completamente diferente.

Therefore, don’t try reasoning with their methods. Don’t put any effort into walking in their shoes, and don’t look at things from the perspective of normal people.

The name says it all: this is a personality disorder. That means that you can’t change them or help them. In fact, nothing besides professional treatment can cure them.

La cuestión es que los narcisistas tienen una visión bastante retorcida de la realidad. Si quieres llegar al fondo de sus intenciones, tienes que olvidar todos los principios lógicos y valores morales que has adoptado a lo largo de tu vida.

En lugar de eso, tienes que ponerte sus gafas y, sólo por un momento, observar el mundo como ellos lo hacen. Pues abróchate el cinturón y que empiece el viaje.

Una poderosa arma de castigo

¿Te has encontrado alguna vez en una situación en la que un narcisista te hace algo malo? Descubres su infidelidad, te grita o abusa de ti de alguna manera.

Tu respuesta natural es que quieres una disculpa, aunque sólo sea eso. Quieres dejar las cosas claras y comunicarte sobre lo que acaba de ocurrir.

¿Pero qué hacen? ¿Te dicen cuánto lo sienten? ¿Asumen la responsabilidad de su comportamiento tóxico?

No, en lugar de esto, comienzan actuar como la víctima. All of a sudden, you’re the one guilty of exposing them.

You’re guilty of having the nerve to accuse them of something they’ve actually done. They turn the tables on you and do everything they can to make you look like the bad guy.

Worst of all, they succeed in their sneaky intentions. Before you realize what’s hit you, they give you the silent treatment.

En ese momento, en un abrir y cerrar de ojos, olvidas lo que inicialmente causó el problema. Es más, olvidas QUIÉN lo causó e, inconscientemente, empiezas a seguirle el juego y asumes el papel de culpable.

Te suena familiar, ¿verdad? Pues sí, that’s the trick of this entire scheme – the narcissist is not only doing this to take the blame off themselves – they’re also doing it to punish you.

De repente empieza a dudar de ti mismo. They’re obviously offended by your reaction or accusation, so you begin to wonder if you really overreacted.

Now, you become the one who apologizes. You ask for their forgiveness, and you’re ready to do anything just to have them talk to you again.

But let’s look at things from this perspective. What should you do when this happens once more? Because this phase will go away sooner or later.

Volverán to you, acting like they’re giving you some kind of mercy by returning to you.

Nevertheless, let’s face it: they will do something to hurt you again in the future.

Cuando eso ocurra, quedarán completamente impunes. You won’t have the courage to confront them about anything they did to you. Instead, you’ll walk on eggshells around them, afraid of getting the cold shoulder again.

No matter how much they hurt you, you won’t call them out on your actions. Why? Because you know what’s coming next.

You know that you’ll have to go through being ignored and endure the silent treatment time and again. So, you think it’s better to let them be than to experience this hell again.

Relación dominante-sumisa

When a narcissist goes quiet, you feel like a little child who’s being punished for misbehaving. Well, that’s exactly how a narcissist perceives you.

No, they don’t see you as their child in terms of their unconditional love for you. They think that they’re above you.

Tienen ese sentimiento de derecho y superioridad que les da derecho a educarte, lo que incluye diferentes castigos.

This person sees you as submissive. You two are not equal partners in this relationship, nor can you ever be. Instead, they’re the dominant one: the one who owns you and the one who has the right to “teach” you what’s right and wrong.

Control de daños

You have to be aware of one significant thing here: an entire narcissist’s life and personality are based on a lie.

It doesn’t matter if they’re consciously lying to you to present themselves as better than they are or if they’re subconsciously lying to themselves: this is all their deception.

But this charade can’t go on forever, can it? A veces, una persona narcisista queda atrapada en una red de sus propias mentiras.

When that happens, they get paranoid that you’ll discover them. Maybe you’ll see their true colors, or you’ll realize that half of their alleged past is a big fat lie. Some narcissists even live double lives, so they’re scared of being busted.

En ese caso, tienen que retirarse durante un tiempo. They’re actually doing some serious damage control: they’re putting effort into repairing what can be repaired in an attempt not to blow their cover and lose their mask.

Cuando un narcisista se calla en las redes sociales

Simultaneously with this “physical” ghosting, a narcissist will usually desaparecer o guardar silencio en las redes sociales. Of course, you will assume that this is all your fault – something you did or said hurt them so bad that they’ve literally given up on life.

Pues bien, la verdad es bien distinta. Don’t forget that covert narcissists need attention and validation the same way you need air to breathe.

Therefore, if they’re about to be discovered (or already have been), they won’t be posting that on their current profiles.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that they will go completely offline. They can’t stand not having a bunch of followers or social media friends admiring them. They can’t stand not being able to show the world that they’re above everyone else.

That’s why they’re probably activating backup profiles you have no clue about.

I hate to disappoint you, but this is also a red flag that your narcissist has a new girlfriend or boyfriend. They’re literally presenting their latest victim with their new identity and want to avoid any chance of their two lives becoming intertwined.

Un movimiento cobarde

Sometimes, a narcissist engages in damage control when they know that they did you something extremely wrong. They know very well that you’re furious, and rightly so, and that the only way to escape your anger is to stay away from you.

When he or she ghosts you, you have no opportunity to call them out on their actions. You can’t ask them for an explanation, nor can you get even.

Así que, en lugar de actuar como un auténtico adulto que afronta las consecuencias de sus actos, huyen. Hacen un movimiento cobarde y se esconden, esperando a que te calmes y te tranquilices.

Whether you like it or not, with time, you will process the things that have been done to you. No matter how much harm they caused, after a while, you’ll put your pain second and start to think about their whereabouts.

Without even being aware of it, you partially forgive them. You come to terms with what they’ve done, and when that happens, they reappear in your life.

Once again, you welcome them with open arms the very next day. And that is exactly how they’ve repaired the damage they made.

Búsqueda de atención

Las personas que sufren narcisismo se alimentan de atención. Y sobre todo la esperan de ti, su principal víctima.

Al principio de tu relación, estabas loco por esa persona. Sólo tenías ojos para ella y era el centro de tu universo.

Nevertheless, as time passes, you’ve started noticing that they weren’t as perfect as they seemed. Even though you still love them and are still by their side, you’re no longer fascinated with every word they say and move they make.

You no longer see your narcissistic boyfriend or girlfriend as pure perfection. As much as you love them, you’ve realized that they’re just human beings, with all of their flaws.

In a healthy relationship, this would be a good sign. It would mean that the initial attraction is gone and that you’re finally accepting each other for who you really are.

But don’t forget that nothing about a narcissistic relationship is ever healthy. Therefore, a narcissist sees this as a threat.

Él o ella ya no está recibiendo la cantidad deseada de su suministro narcisista. Eso significa que deben encontrar una manera de recuperar la atención que recibían al principio.

And what better way to do it than by making you wonder? What’ better way to do it than by making you afraid of losing them?

What’s better than giving you the cold shoulder and making you fight for their love again?

Campaña de desprestigio

Another possibility is that your narcissist’s silent treatment is actually a cover for a smear campaign they’ve been organizing against you. Basically, they’re trying to ruin your reputation and invalidarte aún más.

Of course, they’re doing it in the sneakiest way possible. They’re spreading lies about you, and they’re trying to get your loved ones on their side.

If this is true, we’re talking about the consequence of narcissistic rage. They’re angry at you for not obeying them or for not giving them the attention they craved, so they’ve decided to get back at you.

Un gran regreso en proyecto

If you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse who’s become aware of the situation you’re in, when a narcissist goes quiet, you think of this as your final break up.

Let’s be honest – even though you’re perfectly aware of who this person really is, you still love them.

Therefore, you don’t take them walking away from you easily. Your heart is broken, and you miss them, despite knowing you shouldn’t.

Pero al mismo tiempo, tu cerebro te dice que este es tu boleto a la salvación. This person has been stalking you one way or another for a long time, and now it seems that they’ve finally disappeared.

As much as it hurts that you two hadn’t made it, your rational side tells you that this is actually the best thing that could ever happen to you.

Now you’re finally free to move on from this toxic relationship and work on your self-healing and well-being.

Bueno, odio ser quien rompa tu burbuja, pero tristemente, en la mayoría de los casos, esto no es más que la calma antes de la tormenta. De hecho, su abusador narcisista probablemente se está preparando para su gran regreso.

Bombardeo amoroso

When you start to forget about them, they’ll reappear on your doorstep. And the worst part of this is that all of their love-bombing will begin again.

They’ve used this time to think about new strategies. If they’re out of their narcissistic supply, they’re desperate to get it from you, and they’ll choose any means to achieve their goals.

All of a sudden, you’ll get the person from the beginning of your relationship back. Wow, it looks like all of your dreams are coming true.

Esta mala racha no ha sido más que una pesadilla que, por suerte, ha quedado atrás. Ahora estáis juntos de nuevo y podéis ser felices para siempre.

You wish! Sadly, this is nothing but another one of your narcissist’s charades. Before you know it, they’ll go back to their old ways, and you’ll regret ever taking them back.

Devaluación

When a narcissist goes quiet, they’re doing the worst thing that can be done to any person in this world: they’re making you feel invisible.

Antes te distanciaban de todo tu entorno. Probablemente ya no te quedan mejores amigos, la relación con tus familiares nunca ha sido peor y no tienes con quién hablar en el trabajo.

Basically, you’ve lost everyone who ever cared about you, everyone except your abuser.

Consequently, they’ve become the only source of love for you. They’re the one who determines your value and the one who holds your life in their hands.

So, what happens when this person starts to ignore you? When the only person who’s giving you attention stops? When the only person you think who loves you stops loving you?

Lógicamente, pierdes todo el sentido de la autoestima. Si se rindieron contigo, ¿qué puedes esperar de los demás?

If they can’t give you crumbs of their respect, why would you respect yourself?

It’s pretty obvious that you don’t deserve anyone’s love or appreciation. You’re not enough, and your value is so low that you don’t even deserve a reaction from your abuser.

Don’t worry: these are the thoughts every single victim fights with when a narcissist goes quiet. In fact, this is exactly what every narcissist wants you to think.

Táctica de manipulación

You must be asking yourself, “What’s the final goal here?”. Well, it’s much easier to manipulate someone once you get rid of their self-worth.

And that’s what your abuser knows all too well. A narcissist wants to see you at your lowest, so they become your only light at the end of the tunnel.

They’ve already made you codependent on their attention. So, now, they’re giving you the toxic silent treatment to take that away from you.

They’re showing you that you need them. You need their response and reaction, and you need to communicate with them to stay sane.

Once they prove to you that you’re good for nothing, you’ll forever see them as some kind of royalty. Once they humiliate you in the worst way possible, dominance and control sobre ti se convierten en trozos de tarta.

Nueva oferta narcisista

Finally, when a narcissist goes quiet, it could mean that they’ve switched their attention to a new victim. You have to be aware that this man or woman has never seen you as an individual: from day one, they’ve looked at you as a suitable victim.

Maybe they’ve gotten tired of you. Perhaps they’ve seen that you became too difficult to manipulate. Maybe they weren’t getting as much attention from you as they used to.

Or maybe you became submissive to the point where you’ve ceased to be interesting.

Either way, the bottom line is that you’ve dodged a bullet. Their energy is somewhere else now, and even if you don’t understand it now, you should thank God for it.

Su mayor bendición

Do you know what’s possibly the worst about padece el síndrome de la víctima narcisista? It’s the PTSD you develop with time. It’s a fact that you don’t want your abuser to leave you. Para ser precisos, lo ves como el peor escenario posible.

Actually, you’re convinced this is true.

You’ve been brainwashed to the point where you think that you love this awful person. You’ve been manipulated into thinking that you would be utterly lost without them.

Bueno, déjame decirte que tu abusador centrándose en su nuevo suministro narcisista es la mayor bendición que puedes enfrentar. Tu narcisista que te deja is the biggest favor he’s ever done for you.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m heartbroken for this new person who has no idea what they’re getting themselves into. But hey, this means that you’re finally off the hook.

I won’t lie to you: it will take you a long time before you realize this. Nevertheless, the moment you do, it means you’ve taken a step on your viaje de sanación.

¿Qué debe hacer cuando un narcisista se calla?

Entonces, ¿cuáles son los pasos reales que debe seguir cuando un narcisista se calla? ¿Cuál es el mejor mecanismo de afrontamiento para esta situación?

Ser consciente de la realidad

Let’s be honest: we’ve all been guilty of giving someone the silent treatment at some point.

So, if your partner has left in the middle of an argument or hasn’t responded to your phone calls for a few hours after a big fight – it doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily a narcissist who te está dando largas.

Nevertheless, there is a huge difference between this happening once and between this being a habit of theirs. In the latter case, it’s pretty clear what you’re dealing with.

So, for starters, let’s not see this as a minor inconvenience. Instead, this kind of behavior is a huge red flag, and it is an alarming signal of an abusive relationship.

Don’t sugarcoat things and be aware of reality. It’s the only way for you to process it and finally solve it.

Abuso emocional

That’s why it’s crucial to call things their real names. This is a form of abuse. As hard as this might sound, it’s the truth.

You see, there are many ways someone can abuse you besides physically harming you. Emotional and verbal abuse is very real, and it is what you’re dealing with here.

Después de todo, ¿cómo llamarías a estos intentos de manipulación...devaluándote y castigándote?

Don’t play their mind games

After you’ve gathered all the intel, your number one worry is how to respond when a narcissist goes quiet. Well, the answer is something you’d probably never expected to hear: you don’t.

You see, this toxic person counts on your reaction. They consider themselves so sneaky that they won’t have any trouble getting you involved in their juegos mentales retorcidos.

That’s why you have to show them that the best way to win them is by not playing at all.

Yes, this will take a lot of effort and self-control on your part. It’s normal that you want them to talk to you. You want to get to the bottom of this issue, one way or another.

En lugar de perseguirlos y rogarles una conversación sincera, simplemente ignorarlos. Vive tu vida como si nada estuviera pasando y dales el tratamiento de silencio a cambio.

Para variar, se el que no tiene contacto. Don’t post sad quotes or songs on your social media profiles, expecting them to see.

Don’t stalk them, and don’t go around complaining to people about them ghosting you. Don’t try reaching out, and don’t send them any signals or hints.

Not giving the narcissistic partner control

Confía en mí. Esto es lo único que un narcisista nunca vio venir: que los descubras. Esperaban que lloraras o te pusieras furioso.

Esperaban que intentaras darles celos o que te sentaras delante de su casa a rogarles que hablaran contigo.

But this is something they could never predict. And that’s exactly why it’s the only thing that will leave them confused.

Most importantly, it will show them that they haven’t succeeded. All of their manipulation techniques failed.

They don’t have full control over you, contrary to what they believed. They haven’t managed to brainwash you, and despite everything, you’re much more than their puppet on a string. So, I guess you’ve roto su hechizo.

Turn it into “you” time

En lugar de pasar todo este tiempo lamentando tu gran pérdida, hazte un favor y disfruta de tu tiempo libre de tóxicos.

Let’s face it. This person will come back into your life. So, será mejor que recargues las pilas when you have the chance to do so because you’re up for many more challenges and fights in the future.

Recapitula toda tu relación y decide si esto es lo que realmente quieres. ¿Merece la pena luchar por ello? ¿O ha llegado el momento de renunciar a esta persona venenosa?

I think both you and I know the answer. Nevertheless, your romance shouldn’t be the only thing on your mind right now. Instead, you must work on yourself.

Empieza por reconstruir otras relaciones que tu maltratador te ha arruinado. No, I’m not talking about jumping into a new romance here.

I’m talking about your close friends and family members. Do your best to reconnect with some of them – just to see that there is a beautiful life outside of this hell you’re trapped in.

Lo más importante: trabaja en la relación que tienes contigo mismo.

Put maximum effort into finding your true self – the person you were before this monster marched into your life. Put all of your energy into regaining your self-esteem and your sense of self-worth and self-love.

If you still don’t have what it takes to chase this person out of your life for good, at least become a stronger version of yourself for when they do return.

Establecer límites saludables

¿Qué ocurre cuando un narcisista se calla y luego vuelve a ti? Bueno, lo ideal sería que lo echaras de casa y le cerraras la puerta en las narices al día siguiente.

But I’m sure that you’re still not ready for these drastic measures. In that case, what you must do is set healthy boundaries.

Now is the time to calmly tell them that this is not acceptable behavior. Don’t yell, don’t play games, and don’t accuse them of anything.

Just directly tell them that this is not something you’ll tolerate in the future. Dales tu visión de una relación sana y marca la dirección en la que quieres ir.

Cumpla sus promesas

Por último, cumple tus promesas. Lo peor que puedes hacer es proferir amenazas vacías sin cumplirlas.

Cuando un narcisista vuelva a callarse, haz que asuma las consecuencias de sus actos. Otherwise, you’re just giving them the green light to keep on treating you however they want.

Reflexiones finales:

When a narcissist goes quiet, they’re not only giving you the silent treatment (as if that alone wouldn’t be enough).

They’re also gaslighting you and playing with your mental health. Ironically, by ignoring you, they’re pulling you even closer to them.

Bien, you’re the one who has to break that cycle because they won’t do it for you. In fact, they’ll probably never admit their true intentions.

En cambio, la cruda realidad es que un narcisista abusará de ti mientras se lo permitas. That’s why you have to find the last atoms of your strength and cerrarlos.

Sé que todo esto parece demasiado difícil o incluso imposible de manejar. Pero te aseguro que puedes hacerlo.

Usted sanar de este abuso. Sólo tienes que dar el primer paso. ¿Estás preparado?