15 consejos que te cambiarán la vida para encontrar el amor tras un desengaño amoroso

When you’re grieving over a shattering break-up, all you want is for this seemingly endless dolor emocional que se vaya.

It’s not that finding love after desamor only looks like mission impossible – it is also the last thing on your mind right now.

You’re convinced that you could never love anyone again and that you’re done with romance for good. You question la existencia del amor. Your painful experience turned you into a bitter and resentful person – something you’ve never been before. 

Sin embargo, tarde o temprano, te das cuenta de que ese no es el camino. Comprendes que encontrar el amor después del desamor (o después de uno de los tres amores en la vida) es lo único que echas de menos y necesitas realmente seguir adelante con tu vida.

But now, after all this time, you don’t know how. Where do you start? How do you get rid of your fears? How do you open your heart to someone new?

It’s normal to ask all of these questions because finding love after heartbreak is scary and tough. However, it is even more rewarding.

Prepárate para el amor después del desamor

You can’t start a new relationship without settling accounts with your past. Well, technically, you can, but it wouldn’t be fair or right.

Por eso primero tienes que curar tu corazón roto y prepararte para que llegue un nuevo amor.

Cortar los lazos con el pasado

Your primary goal here is to move on, right? Well, you can’t expect that to happen if you stay trapped in the same place.

I hate to break your bubble, but your relationship is over. You and your ex aren’t getting back together, and it’s time to accept this.

Cuanto antes lo entiendas, antes podrás encontrar una relación sana y el amor verdadero después del desamor.

Por lo tanto, lo primero que debes hacer es cortar todos los lazos con tu pasado. Créeme: es la única forma de dejar atrás el desamor.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising that you erase your ex and your entire relationship from your memory. This would be impossible to do.

But you don’t have to keep reminding yourself of them either. Don’t turn your life into a sanctuary dedicated to your past romance.

If you’re still in touch with your heartbreaker – go ningún contacto en este instante. Deja de engañarte pensando que puedes seguir siendo amiga de la persona que te hizo tanto daño.

Deshazte de todo lo que te recuerde a ellos. Si quieres conservar algunos pequeños recuerdos, escóndelos lejos de ti y quítalos de la vista.

No more stalking their social media profiles, no more asking your mutual friends about them, and no more detective work about their new significant other. Don’t live in hope that one day they’ll come knocking on your door.

I don’t care if you got the closure you wanted, if some things were left unsaid, or if you’re still looking for answers.

I know that cutting ties with the past hurts, but you have to come to terms with the fact that your relationship is history, and it’s time for you to pack it away.

Permítase llorar

I know what you expect me to say after this pep talk: pretend that your heartbreak never happened. Well, that’s actually the worst thing you can do at this point.

A healthy healing process includes acceptance. It’s all about looking your pain in the eyes and defeating it instead of running for your life.

Sí, sería más fácil si pudieras enterrar tu trauma muy dentro de ti.

Sweeping things under the carpet and moving on with your life as if you’d never been through this hell sounds tempting, doesn’t it?

Well, this way, things would be less complicated for you temporarily. You wouldn’t have to go through the different stages of grief, and you could lanzarse a una nueva relación con la primera persona que aparezca.

But what would happen in the long run? That’s right: your suppressed emotions would find their way back into your life.

They would reappear and haunt you when you least expect them. So, let’s not allow this to happen, and let’s process them the healthy way.

That’s why I advise you to allow yourself to grieve.

Don’t only mourn the loss of your ex. Grieve the death of your hopes and dreams, the breakage of your relationship, and the loss of the person you once were.

Don’t run away from your pain because that’s what cowards do.

Don’t feel weak for going through this stage, and instead, see it as a sign of your strength. Trust me: not many have the ability to cope with their darkest emotions and thoughts.

Libere sus emociones

Cuando tu corazón se rompió, dejó tras de sí un montón de heridas abiertas. Se desgarró dentro de ti y estalló en mil pedazos.

You mustn’t allow each one of these pieces to remain stuck inside of you. You don’t have to just let go of your ex: you also need to let go of all the sadness that’s been eating you alive.

The way to do this is by not keeping your emotions bottled up – get them out of your system one way or another.

So, if you feel like crying, that’s what you should do. If you need some time off from your busy life and want to spend a couple of days eating ice cream in front of the TV, who am I to judge you?

However, the best way of releasing your emotions is, without a doubt, writing. Don’t worry. You don’t have to possess a remarkable talent for it.

Un trozo de papel puede con mucho más de lo que crees. Se llevará todo tu dolor a la espalda y cumplirá su propósito.

Empieza a escribir un diario de liberación y anota tus progresos cada día. Recuerda que nadie leerá esto, así que puedes ser 100% honesto.

No es ninguna vergüenza expresar tus sentimientos escribiendo sobre ellos. Esto no es más que un mecanismo de afrontamiento que te hará mejorar.

Confíe en su sistema de apoyo

You’re a self-sufficient, independent individual who went through the worst possible things alone. You don’t need anyone patting you on the back and telling you that everything will be okay.

Además, lo último que quieres es exponer tus vulnerabilidades a tus seres queridos. Después de todo, ¿qué pueden hacer exactamente?

They can’t take any of your pain away. They’ll only start worrying about you, and you’ll unintentionally drag them into your problems.

Pues aquí es donde te equivocas. As much as you think you don’t need anyone, a strong support system will help you out a lot.

Who doesn’t need a amigo de verdad ¿Pueden llamar en mitad de la noche? Yo sí.

Don’t worry: none of these people will think of you as pathetic. Going through something like this is perfectly normal, and I promise you that they’ll understand your pain.

Not only that: these people will hold your hand through all of your hardships. They will show you that you’re not alone, and they will give you hope in a better tomorrow.

Créeme: tener un amigo que se limita a escucharte sin decir una sola palabra es mejor que sufrir en silencio.

But what about those who don’t have close friends they can count on? And those who can’t find comfort in anyone? Are they sentenced to suffer in silence?

Por supuesto que no. There is always the option of joining an actual grief support group full of people who have gone through the same things you’re going through.

No, these groups are not only reserved for those grieving their loved one’s deaths. Please, feel free to look them up near you and join them – these people will know how to help you.

Recuerda lo que vales

The biggest problem about your heartbreak isn’t this overwhelming pain that’s been consuming you. I know what you must be thinking: “There is something worse?” Well, sadly, there is.

Verás, el dolor sólo parece ser insoportable. Pero tú y yo sabemos que con el tiempo, se irá.

Sin embargo, el impacto que todo esto ha dejado en su confianza central y la autoimagen podrían ser permanentes. Y eso es algo en lo que tienes que empezar a trabajar inmediatamente.

Looking for love after heartbreak is utterly pointless if you see yourself as unlovable, isn’t it?

Nevertheless, this is precisely what you’ve been doing all along. Don’t lie to me: I know the truth. It’s like I’m seeing you right now.

There you are, doubting your worth and worrying that no man or woman would ever want you – that you’re broken beyond repair.

Not only that: you also wonder why you weren’t enough for your ex. Newsflash: your value has nothing to do with your relationship status.

You have a lot to offer, despite all that has happened. You still carry a loving heart inside of your chest – you just can’t feel it at the moment.

Deja que el tiempo haga su magia

I’ll be dead honest with you: your broken heart won’t heal in a matter of days. Truth be told, sometimes, this process lasts for months.

Pero al final, time will do its magic. And all you need to do is let it – you need to give time enough time.

This isn’t a request for you to sit down patiently and wait for a miracle to happen. Of course, your life should flow on its course.

However, the trick is that nobody can tell you how much time will pass before you’re ready for new love because we’re all different.

But what I can promise you is that it will happen. Things will get easier with every day that goes by. One morning, you’ll wake up and see that this is it: you’re ready, and there are no more past traumas holding you back.

Mejórese

The final step in the process of preparing yourself for love again has nothing to do with your ex or with the person you’re about to meet. Instead, it’s all about the most important person in your life: you.

To attract a good quality woman or man, you need to be the best version of yourself. I’m not saying that you’re not lovable just the way you are, but you should definitely engage in some autocuidado.

However, attracting romance shouldn’t be your final goal here. In fact, if you work on yourself while obsessing about how to find love, you’re unlikely to succeed.

You have to better yourself to be satisfied with the person you’re becoming. Tienes que mejorar tu vida para ser feliz solo, con o sin pareja.

This is your chance to rock the single life: a chance to enjoy every breath you take – a chance to find your true purpose and the chance to realize the importance of self-love.

Trust me on this: happiness attracts happiness, and love attracts love. Therefore, when you’re content with yourself, potential soulmates start appearing out of nowhere.

When you love yourself the right way, you’ll only draw those who deserve to be in your life.

It’s ironic, isn’t it? To find romantic love, you have to stop craving it. But that’s the beauty of it all.

Volver a salir a la calle

Everyone keeps advising you just to throw yourself back into dating. After all, how hard can it be? Well, in your situation – harder than anyone might think.

La bolsa de citas

One thing is for sure: if you feel like you’re emotionally available, you really should go volver a la piscina de citas. Don’t turn this search for love into your number one priority but don’t run away from it either.

Yes, you can join dating apps, you can go speed dating, and you can tell your friends that you’re looking for your special someone.

Sin embargo, estar en la piscina de las citas es mucho más que esto. Significa volver a abrir los ojos al sexo opuesto.

Significa devolverle la sonrisa a ese compañero de trabajo tan guapo que podría estar interesado en ti. Significa flirtear con ese atractivo desconocido que intenta mantener el contacto visual al otro lado de la habitación.

It means agreeing to go out on that blind date your best friend set up for you. Because let’s face it: what do you have to lose?

After all, you’re single as a pringle. You’ve thrown away all of your emotional baggage, and that makes you more than ready to mingle.

Aprenda de sus errores

Now that you’re ready for a new relationship, you’re also mentally and emotionally capable of analyzing your past relationship.

No, you shouldn’t spend all of your time reminiscing about it.

En su lugar, sólo quiero que tomes todo lo que ha pasado como un lección. The love you felt for your ex is gone, and you’ve mourned your relationship.

Esto sólo puede significar una cosa: you’ve finally acquired the ability to process things objectively. And that’s what you should do: stand back and observe your past romance as if you were a bystander.

This is the only way to look at things realistically – the only way to realize your mistakes and learn from them.

Quizá elegiste mal la última vez. O tuviste tus propios errores que no viste entonces.

Quizá tu defecto fatal fue darte demasiado sin pedir nada a cambio. O pasaste años intentando salvar una relación fallida.

Fuera lo que fuera, ahora lo sabes mejor. Esta devastadora experiencia te ha enseñado mucho.

So, please, don’t repeat your toxic relationship behavior patterns. Isn’t it obvious that they aren’t taking you anywhere?

Don’t settle for a rebound relationship

La trampa en la que caen casi todos los hombres y mujeres con el corazón roto tras una dolorosa relación pasada es meterse en otra aún peor.

You don’t have to end your single life at all costs, and you definitely shouldn’t settle for a rebound relationship.

Don’t be with someone just because you’re scared of dying alone or because you can’t seem to find a healthy relationship.

Don’t look for your ex in other people, and most importantly: don’t use them to heal your scars.

Come on. You know you’re better than that. You’re better than breaking someone else’s heart in an attempt to repair your own.

Esto es exactamente lo que ocurrirá si das relaciones de rebote un disparo.

The other person might fall in love with you, thinking that this is the real deal while you’re still preoccupied with your healing process.

Por favor, sea honesto y justo. It’s way better to wait until you’re fully recovered before starting something new than stringing an innocent person along.

Besides, this toxic relationship won’t bring you anything good either. It won’t teach you how to love again. Instead, it will bury you even further in misery.

Saltar de una persona a otra no es el camino a seguir

Oye, si te apetece enrollarse con un chico o una chica nuevos every weekend, I’m no Judge Judy. But please ask yourself if you’re doing it because you really fall for all of these people.

¿Sientes que esto es lo que realmente quieres? ¿O es tu forma de intentar llenar el vacío que tu mala ruptura dejó dentro de ti?

I bet I know the answer. And I’m sure you do too.

Saltar de una relación a otra no es el camino para encontrar el amor después del desamor.

Ahora debes preguntarte: “So, how am I supposed to find my soulmate if I don’t meet new people?” Mira, nadie te dijo que no tuvieras citas.

Pero, sal con gente que te guste de verdad. Try building something bigger with the people you feel a genuine connection with – not with those you’re just physically attracted to.

Deje claras sus normas

Now that you’ve learned from your past mistakes, it’s safe to say that you have a completely new set of rules.

Hay algunos aspectos a los que nunca habías prestado atención, y probablemente hayas elevado tu nivel de exigencia en el proceso.

Me alegro por ti. This doesn’t make you demasiado exigente – it means that you’ve grown as a person and that this heartbreak served its purpose.

Así que, por favor, ten claro qué y a quién quieres. En primer lugar, sé honesto contigo mismo sobre tus estándares y luego sé abierto al respecto cuando conozcas a gente nueva.

I’m not saying that you should be too demanding or that you should only agree to date someone perfect. As much as you’re into a guy or a girl, there will always be something you don’t like about them.

Pero la pregunta es: ¿Sientes que es una pequeña rareza que puedes tolerar? ¿O es algo que no podrías tolerar?

Whatever you do, don’t make compromises with yourself. Look for the kind of a person you know you deserve, and don’t ever settle for anything less.

Aferrarse a la fe

Finally, never lose hope that love will come to you, sooner or later. Don’t be obsessed about finding it but deep down, have faith in its arrival.

Lo primero y más importante, perder la idea de que sólo se puede amar una vez en la vida. Yes, you loved your ex – otherwise, they wouldn’t have had the chance to break your heart.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you won’t learn to love again with the same intensity or even more.

Maybe your ex was your soulmate at that given moment, but that doesn’t mean they’re meant to be yours forever.

Please, don’t give up on love, despite all of your disappointments.

Aunque te duela, el amor es bello en su esencia, y sería una pena que te lo perdieras sólo porque tuviste una experiencia dolorosa.

Dos And Don’ts Of Your New Relationship

You’ve done everything by the book, and now you’re here: closer to your final goal than ever. You’ve found someone you see yourself falling in love with.

But your job isn’t done here. There are still some steps to take unless you want to ruin this relationship before it even starts.

No todo el mundo es como tu ex

Let’s get one thing straight: you’ll get nowhere if you compare everyone to your ex.

I know that getting over this person doesn’t mean that you got over the fear of going through the same pain all over again.

Piensa para tus adentros: “What if I am a magnet for heartbreak?” “What if the next one leaves me devastated, the same way my ex did?”

Don’t worry: this is perfectly normal, and everyone in your situation has the exact same thoughts. But you have to learn how to chase them away.

Si dejas que la negatividad nuble tu visión, tu pensar demasiado podría arruinar tu posible relación.

Look, I won’t lie to you: nobody can guarantee that your new boyfriend or girlfriend won’t break your heart. However, this time you won’t let them.

You’re not the person you once were. Now, you have what it takes to recognize the red flags in time, so you won’t stick with someone who is likely to do you harm.

Besides, you can’t predict the future. Sometimes you have to take risks and follow your heart’s lead.

If things fail once again, at least you’ll know you tried. You’ll be proud of your bravery to take a chance and jump into the unknown, despite your painful past.

Esfuérzate al máximo

Cuando encuentras el amor después del desamor, don’t hold yourself back. Instead, put your maximum effort in, as if you’re in love for the first time ever.

Don’t let your past ruin your future, and don’t make your new partner pay for your ex’s mistakes. Disfruta de cada momento de tu nuevo romance, entrégate al amor y ¡ve adónde te lleva la magia!

Encontrar el amor después del desamor Libro

Encontrar el amor después del desamor es un bestseller escrito por Stephan Labossiere, un famoso experto en relaciones.

In his book, Stephan speaks to anyone who’s been through a bad breakup they can’t seem to recover from and anyone who is convinced they’ll never find love again.

En el primer volumen de una serie de dos partes que puedes adquirir en Amazon y otras plataformas, te enseña a liberarte de las heridas del pasado y abrirte al amor futuro.

This great read won’t make all of your problems go away, nor will it magically heal you. However, it can serve as a guide through your journey of finding your soulmate and believing in love again.

Para terminar:

Ahora ves que encontrar amor verdadero después de un desengaño amoroso es mucho más que lanzarse a una nueva relación. It’s a real enterprise that includes plenty of self-work, introspection, and personal growth.

There will be moments when you’ll want to give up on this journey, moments when you’ll lose faith, and when despair will get the best of you.

Please, don’t let those moments of weakness defeat you. Trust me: once you reach your goal, you’ll see that it was all worth it.