Narcisista Gaslighting: Detecte y detenga el abuso
When you first become involved with a narcissist, they’re charming and make you feel special. Soon after, however, things change. They realize that since you can’t fix their deep-seated issues, you should be punished, and the emotional abuse begins.
El gaslighting narcisista es la principal herramienta que utilizan para conseguir el control. The term gaslighting describes a set of manipulation tactics used to confuse and mislead someone until they’re pliable, vulnerable, and easy to influence.
By distorting their victim’s perception of reality, a gaslighter ensures that what they say won’t be challenged and that their actions won’t be questioned. Esta forma de abuso psicológico y emocional es natural en los narcisistas.
Su falta de empatía y su sentido de la superioridad les facilitan mentir, manipular y engañar a sus víctimas para conseguir lo que quieren, que es alimentar sus frágiles egos y satisfacer sus propias necesidades a costa de los demás.
Let’s take an in-depth look at narcissist gaslighting: how it affects the victim, how to recognize it, and how to deal with it.
¿Qué es el Gaslighting Narcisista?
En la fase de devaluación de un patrón de relación narcisista, after the narcissist realizes that someone isn’t what they imagined them to be, they try to get validation in other ways. El gaslighting narcisista es una forma de manipulación que utilizan para lograr sus objetivos.
There are three types of narcissists, and they all focus only on their own needs and don’t care how it affects other people.
El narcisista grandioso se siente con derechos y quiere ser tratado como superior.
El narcisista vulnerable is emotionally sensitive and feels inadequate, so they feel victimized unless they’re getting special treatment.
El narcisista maligno is similar to a sociopath – they want to control and exploit, so they dominate and manipulate others without remorse.
Narcissistic gaslighting doesn’t only take place in romantic relationships. Un narcisista gaslighting puede ser un amigo, miembro de la familia, compañero de trabajo, o padre narcisista. Todas estas relaciones tóxicas perjudican a la víctima y dañan su salud mental.
¿Qué es el gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a narcissist’s favorite weapon. It’s a conjunto de tácticas de manipulación that shifts blame onto the victim by distorting the truth until you’re convinced to do what they want and give them full control.
It’s a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves various gaslighting techniques con la intención de que te cuestiones a ti mismo: tus sentimientos, pensamientos, recuerdos, realidad y cordura y, con el tiempo, te hacen dudar de tu sentido del yo y de tu propia autoestima.
A narcissist doesn’t care about the truth, only about getting what they want, so they have no problem invalidating your feelings, thoughts, and perception. If you challenge them, they turn it around and convince you that you’re the abuser and they are the victim.
They use a pattern of abusive behaviors that amount to brainwashing with the intent of making you doubt yourself and lose trust in your own perceptions so that instead, you’ll trust and obey them without question.
¿Cómo saber si te están utilizando como luz de gas?
Signs of gaslighting can be difficult to spot if you’re not familiar with them. Si ya tienes baja autoestima, es posible que tampoco confíes en tu instinto de que algo va mal.
What seems like normal behavior at first glance can be a harmful manipulation tactic that you simply don’t recognize.
El gaslighting puede comenzar lentamente y estar relacionado con asuntos aparentemente insignificantes, pero con el tiempo va minando el sentido de uno mismo. It creates self-doubt until you’re not sure about what’s real and what isn’t and even makes you question your own sanity. This is how un narcisista obtiene el control.
Éstos son algunos señales de alarma del gaslighting in someone’s behavior to help you figure out if you’re involved in an abusive relationship:
- Mentir, omitir la verdad, omitir hechos.
• Contradicting things you know are true.
• Calling you crazy.
- Negando cosas que pasaron.
• Minimizing your feelings when you express them.
- Desestimar tus sentimientos y preocupaciones.
• Changing the topic of conversation.
• Evading when asked questions.
- Ser impreciso a propósito.
• Blaming you for something they’ve done.
- Darte la espalda cuando intentas hablar con ellos.
• Shaming you for your behavior, feelings, appearance, reactions, anything.
• Criticizing and lecturing you, pointing out your flaws.
- Callarse cuando quieres hablar.
• Refusing to talk about something.
- Amenazándote.
• Using your personal information to hurt you.
• Guilt trips.
- Pretending they don’t understand what you’re talking about.
• Insults, demeaning words, and name-calling.
- Negar que recuerdan algo que hacen.
• Trying to confuse you on purpose.
• Breaking promises.
• Disagreeing with something that would mean they aren’t right.
- Proyectando sus propias acciones en ti.
• Accusing you of abusing them.
- Claiming you did or said something you didn’t.
• Rejecting your account of events.
- Utilizar a otras personas como aliados o decirles lo problemático que eres.
• Distorting situations to hurt you.
- Acusándote de exagerar.
• Refusing to hear you out.
- Ignorar tus límites.
• Exaggerating your actions to make you seem unbalanced.
• Trying to explain to you that you don’t see things correctly.
RELACIONADO: 52 cosas manipuladoras que dicen los narcisistas en una discusión
Ejemplos de gaslighting narcisista
El trastorno narcisista de la personalidad o NPD es una condición mental que sólo puede ser diagnosticada por un médico, pero the term ‘narcissist’ se utiliza a menudo para describir a alguien que sólo se preocupa de sí mismo sin tener en cuenta cómo su comportamiento afecta a los demás.
This includes manipulative behavior and emotional abuse that’s damaging to their victims to convince them that the narcissist is never to blame using various gaslighting tactics. He aquí algunos ejemplos de gaslighting que ilustran lo insidioso que es:
1. El clásico gaslighting
Cuando un narcisista niega tu realidad negando tus sentimientos, pensamientos y necesidades y te hace dudar de ella, se asegura de que dependas de él y le des el control de tu vida.
They pretend like they’re reasonable while you’re too emotional or argumentative. You’re made to believe that your feelings are out of line and that you’re overreacting.
This is what’s usually considered gaslighting, even though it’s a much broader term that includes multiple behaviors.
2. Tratamiento silencioso
Even though the silent treatment seems like it’s nothing serious because it’s passive, it’s a form of emotional abuse and a part of gaslighting.
Un narcisista utiliza el tratamiento del silencio para obligarte a disculparte y asumir la culpa, independientemente de si has hecho algo mal o no. Así te hacen dudar de ti mismo y actuar como ellos quieren.
3. Stonewalling
When you try to talk to your abuser about something they don’t want to talk about, they avoid engaging with you. They stay silent and ignore you while you talk – they might physically turn away or pretend they don’t understand what you’re saying.
This causes you frustration and feeling like your concerns aren’t being heard and have no value. Tienes la opción de rendirte o de intensificar la discusión, dos opciones que ellos pueden utilizar en su propio beneficio.
4. Miedo
Un narcisista puede hacer que evites expresar tus sentimientos provocándote miedo. Si te dicen que habrá consecuencias por tu comportamiento, te entrenan para que dejes de comportarte de una determinada manera.
Esto te hace sentir que si actúas de una manera contra la que te advirtieron, te mereces lo que te pase.
5. Contradicciones
When a narcissist makes you question your thoughts and memories by contradicting you with their own versions. Slowly, this makes you start doubting yourself because they’ve proven time and time again that you’re wrong.
6. Expectativas
Narcissists manipulate you by making you feel like you’re supposed to know what they want and what you’re supposed to do even if they never told you.
Their behavior and demands are presented as being for your own good and that you’re the problem.
This makes you feel like you’re ungrateful if you’re unable to read their mind and that you’re oversensitive if you feel the opposite of what they want you to feel like.
7. Minimizar/trivializar
Para que te sientas mal contigo misma, tu agresor te hace sentir culpable o creer que tus sentimientos y pensamientos no son razonables.
Nada de lo que mencionas es gran cosa. Te dicen que tus necesidades no son importantes, para que te sientas egoísta cuando intentas satisfacerlas.
8. Denegación
The narcissist outright rejects that something happened and tries to convince you that you’re making things up and that it didn’t happen. They don’t do this because they truly believe it, but to make you question yourself on purpose.
9. Desvíos
Un narcisista puede utilizar una variedad de tácticas para desviar tu atención de tus verdaderos sentimientos o proyectar los suyos propios en ti.
Because they don’t want to deal with your emotions, they use techniques such as blame-shifting, changing the subject, and accusing you of something they’ve done to induce a variety of negative feelings.
10. Chistes
Los insultos y la crueldad bajo la apariencia de bromas son a menudo utilizados por los abusadores narcisistas para hacerte sentir mal contigo mismo. If you can’t take a joke, there’s something wrong with you, and if you laugh at it, you slowly start to believe their words. Narcissists love to use this when there are others around.
RELACIONADO: 12 Ejemplos Comunes De Mensajes De Texto Narcisistas (+ Cómo Responder)
¿Cuáles son algunas frases de gaslighting?
You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship with a narcissist for them to gaslight you. For example, a co-worker might accuse you of being hysterical after you raise an issue with something they did.
Incluso los casos aislados de gaslighting como éste pueden ser perjudiciales, pero cuando el gaslighting continúa durante un período de tiempo, el maltratador te lava el cerebro hasta que dejas de confiar en tus propios instintos y empiezas a creer todo lo que te dice.
Las siguientes frases suelen banderas rojas que apuntan a gaslighting.
1. “It was just a joke.”
El narcisista desestima tus sentimientos haciéndote sentir avergonzado por tu reacción.
• Lighten up.
• It’s not a big deal.
• You can’t take a joke.
• You take everything so seriously.
• Just let it go.
2. “You’re too sensitive.”
They’re making you feel like your feelings aren’t valid and that you are the problem if you’re affected by their actions.
• That wouldn’t hurt my feelings.
• Don’t take things so personally.
• Why are you upset?
• Get over it.
• You’re being emotional.
3. “You’re ungrateful.”
A un narcisista sólo le importan sus propias necesidades, así que si las tuyas se interponen en su camino, te avergüenza por expresar cómo te sientes y te hace sentir culpable por tener necesidades.
• How much attention do you need?
• That’s not important.
• If you really loved me, you’d…
• I guess I can’t say anything to you.
• Where did I go wrong?
• We already talked about this.
• Why are you bringing that up?
4. “That never happened.”
Al cuestionar tu razonamiento, el narcisista está haciendo que te cuestiones a ti mismo y tu percepción. A largo plazo, esto hace que desconfíes de ti mismo y confíes en ellos.
• I never said that./I never did that.
• You’re just confused.
• That is not how it happened.
• You’re imagining things.
• I don’t remember saying that.
• It must have been someone else.
5. “You never told me that.”
When the narcissist wants to make you doubt yourself, they put the blame on you and make it seem like you’re the one who needs to be questioned instead of them.
• You’re twisting things.
• That’s not what I meant.
• I don’t know what you want me to say.
• Don’t put words into my mouth.
• You’re taking things the wrong way.
6. “Why are you angry?”
If you comment on something that the narcissist doesn’t want to talk about, they’ll take your words and turn them around to make you appear angry and act offended and hurt.
• You’re being dramatic.
• You’re overreacting.
• You’re blowing things out of proportion.
• Why are you picking a fight?
• You’re making things up.
7. “Why are you like this?”
The narcissist likes to play the victim and make you wonder if you’re really doing something wrong whenever you voice your feelings and needs.
• You’re always complaining.
• You always have to be right.
• You always have to have the last word.
• It’s always something.
8. “You’re crazy.”
Hacerte sentir loca es el método favorito de un narcisista porque funciona a dos niveles: te hace dudar de ti misma y a ellos les hace parecer la víctima.
• Just calm down.
• Are you hearing yourself?
• You’re not making sense.
• What are you talking about?
• You need help.
9. “You’re being irrational.”
Similar to making you feel crazy, making you feel like you’re being irrational gives the narcissist the upper hand and feeds their ego while at the same time shaming you and making you wonder if you’re the one who’s being hurtful.
• Listen to yourself.
• Why are you being defensive?
• Are you kidding me?
• You think you know everything.
• I’m not arguing.
10. “I do this because I love you.”
Trasladar la culpa y hacer que parezca que lo que hace el narcisista es por tu bien te hace sentir pésimo por hablar y les da una sensación de superioridad.
• You made me…
• I remember you…
• It’s your fault I…
• If you only…, I would…
RELACIONADO: 30 frases alarmantes sobre el gaslighting con las que debe tener cuidado
Cómo enfrentarse a la luz de gas del narcisista
Ser capaz de convencerte para que te comportes, sientas e incluso pienses de una determinada manera, el narcisista gaslighting primero te hace creer que tiene tus mejores intereses en mente.
Esta confianza es la razón por la que abuso narcisista can easily damage your sense of reality – when someone cares for you, you assume they won’t hurt you on purposeAsí que implícitamente aceptas que sus acciones son por tu propio bien.
¿Cuáles son los efectos del gaslighting narcisista?
Las víctimas del gaslighting pueden ser parejas románticas, amigos, hijos de narcisistas, o tener cualquier otro tipo de relación con ellos, pero siempre confían en ellos hasta cierto punto. El gaslighting provoca traumas psicológicos y es perjudicial para la salud mental.
Los efectos del gaslighting narcisista incluyen:
- Duda de uno mismo y falta de confianza en uno mismo. You start to believe that you’re incapable of making decisions on your own.
- Cuestionarse a sí mismo y sentir que sigues cometiendo errores.
- Vergüenza sobre su comportamiento, rasgos de personalidad y cualquier otra cosa que su agresor señale como negativa.
- De acuerdo con todos y todo para evitar conflictos.
- Baja autoestima and feeling like you’re not good enough.
- No saber quién eres realmente y lo que quieres debido a los constantes ataques a tu sentido del yo.
- Sentirse desestimado e invalidado.
- Problemas de ansiedad, depresión o abuso de sustancias.
- Confusión, no confiar en tu percepción y no confiar en tu memoria.
- Culparse a sí mismo and apologizing when you haven’t done anything or for other people’s mistakes.
- Making excuses for your abuser’s behavior a ti mismo y a los demás.
• Feeling like you’re perdiendo la cabeza.
- Incapacidad para establecer y hacer cumplir los límites en cualquier relación.
• Feeling like algo va malpero no confiar en tu intuición.
- Ser hipersensible, easily crying, and wondering if you’re overreacting.
- Sentirse miserable aunque tu vida parezca ir bien.
• Feeling like whatever you do, you’ll make a mistake and that you can’t do anything right.
• You feel like tu personalidad ha cambiado.
¿Cómo responder a un narcisista gaslighting?
When a narcissist is gaslighting you, they use made-up mistakes to shift the blame onto you and make it seem that there’s something wrong with you. You end up feeling confused, afraid, and disrespected and apologizing for something you didn’t do.
¿Cómo lidiar con el gaslighting narcisista para evitar estos sentimientos?
1. Aprender a reconocer el gaslighting
The purpose of gaslighting is to make you believe whatever your abuser wants you to believe so that they have control of you. They make you feel like you don’t know what’s what, like you’re going crazy or like you must be wrong if they say so.
Aprender a reconocer los signos y comportamientos y estar alerta cada vez que oigas una de las frases que se suelen utilizar para manipularte puede ayudarte a prepararte, responder y defenderte contra los intentos de gaslighting.
2. Obtener apoyo
Having someone on your side is instrumental when you need help making sense of the lies and deceit you’ve been subjected to.
Recurrir a familiares y amigos o buscar ayuda profesional to support you and ensure that you know you’re not imagining things can make a vital difference in how being the victim of gaslighting affects you. If you don’t have access to anything else, even online therapy can be of great help.
3. Escucha tu intuición
Learn to respect your gut feeling when it’s telling you that something is wrong. This is especially important if you’ve learned to doubt yourself and you’re looking for other people, especially the person who is gaslighting you, to validate you.
Presta atención y sé consciente de tus pensamientos y sentimientos, independientemente de lo que tu "gaslighter" intente hacerte pensar. If you stay grounded in the present and prioritize your own perception of the experience, they’ll have less chance of shaking your sense of reality.
4. Reúne pruebas que demuestren tu propia realidad
Document or otherwise ensure that you have evidence to prove that you’re a victim of gaslighting. Save all text messages, keep a journal, make a record, or tell things to someone who will remember them. Asegúrate de que puedes comprobar los hechos cuando tu agresor intente convencerte de algo que nunca ocurrió.
Some instances of gaslighting can be difficult to prove, but as long as you’re determined to push back against abuse, you can learn to rely on your own memories instead of whatever the narcissist is trying to get you to believe. This can help you sanar después de haber sido víctima de gaslighting.
5. Negarse a participar
Even if you can’t provide evidence to your abuser that you’re aware of reality, you can still refuse to talk to them or engage when they’re trying to manipulate you.
Once you learn to recognize what’s going on, they lose the power to convince and turn things around on you. As long as you’re self-aware and understand what they’re trying to do, the narcissist can no longer control you en la medida de lo posible antes de que usted supiera lo que estaban haciendo.
6. Ser firme con los límites
A narcissist doesn’t care about boundaries. They feel entitled and believe rules don’t apply to them. Their only concern is their own ego and their own reality. Prioritize your sanity, and don’t let them violate your boundaries. Aléjate si no tienes otra opción.
Leaving a relationship in which you’re a victim of gaslighting isn’t always possible, or you might not want to, but sometimes, especially if physical abuse is also involved, it might be the only solution that will completely work.
Véase también: Mirada Narcisista: Cómo reconocerla y afrontarla
Recupere su realidad
Emotional abuse is dangerous and harmful – it can be difficult to escape and could create lasting damage to your mental health. The first step to dealing with narcissist gaslighting is to realize what it is that’s happening.
Un narcisista te hace cuestionar tu realidad y tu cordura con sus mentiras, manipulaciones y contradicciones. Al cabo de un tiempo, empiezas a creerles y utilizan tu rendición para controlarte.
When you’re able to realize what’s happening, you’ll be able to push back and stand your ground.
Sé consciente de sus tácticas y de las palabras que utilizan para menospreciarte y hacerte dudar de ti mismo. Prioriza el autocuidado y practica la atención plena para mantenerte en contacto con tu realidad y tus sentimientos.
Stay calm when dealing with a situation in which the narcissist is trying to gaslight you without allowing them to violate your boundaries. If you’re determined to stop narcissist gaslighting and you first and foremost believe in yourself, they won’t be able to break through your defenses.
