13 razones psicológicas para desear algo que no se puede tener
Ropa o zapatos demasiado caros. Una mujer o un hombre que no está disponible o que está ocupado. Sueños demasiado complejos para hacerse realidad. Wanting something you can’t have at the moment can be really frustrating.
Tendemos a pasarnos días, semanas y meses pensando en una cosa o una persona que queremos en nuestra vida. A veces, nos obsesionamos tanto que descuidamos todas las demás cosas que están sucediendo en este momento.
Why do we do that? Why do we want what we can’t have?
Hay explicaciones psicológicas para este fenómeno que son realmente alucinantes. Once you understand the background of your intense desire for things you can’t have, your life will instantly change.
Below you’ll find all the psychological reasons behind wanting something you can’t have and what you can do about it.
13 Psychological Explanations Of Wanting Something You Can’t Have
Do you think that having that one thing or being with that one person would change your life for the better and make you ultimately happy? Here’s exactly what’s going on in our minds when we want something we can’t have:
1. La emoción de la persecución y el chute de dopamina
Every time someone you like pays attention to you or texts you, the levels of the hormone dopamine (“the happy hormone”) immediately increase. You feel excited and on cloud nine.
Ahora bien, ¿sabías que puedes volverte adicto a este chute de dopamina? It’s like being on drugs.
Every time you come in contact with the object of your desire (read: your drug), you get a shot of dopamine – a shot of happiness. Así que, básicamente, acabas persiguiendo el disparo que supone perseguir a alguien que te gusta.
La emoción de la persecución tiene el poder de hacerte susceptible a pan rallado (cuando alguien te presta la atención justa, lo que te hace desear más).
2. Aumento del ego
Sometimes, you want what you can’t have because your ego is at play. Now imagine seeing a luxury perfume, car, attractive woman or man.
En esa situación, tu ego puede obligarte a comprar esa cosa o a perseguir a esa mujer u hombre porque necesitas alcanzar esa sensación de satisfacción.
Poder llevar ese perfume, conducir ese coche o estar con esa mujer o ese hombre te subiría el ego.
En otras palabras, te sentirías poderoso, feliz y realizado. That’s exactly what forces you to want and chase something you can’t have.
CONSEJO PROFESIONAL: Si tienes esa necesidad incontrolable de sentirte siempre como un ganador, entonces ya sabes que tienes un problema de ego.
3. El efecto de escasez
The scarcity effect is also one of the culprits for wanting something you can’t have. It works on the following principle: Nos interesan más las cosas raras (escasas) porque, en nuestra mente, tienen más valor.
Here’s one brilliant explanation of the efecto escasez por Psychology Today: “Scarcity functions like an obstacle to goal pursuit, which intensifies the value of the goal.”
Recuerdo cuando teníamos un huerto con cientos de manzanos. Cuando recogíamos toda la fruta, teníamos una habitación entera llena de manzanas. Adivinad.
I didn’t eat a single one as long as there were so many of them. Después de venderlas y comérnoslas casi todas, de repente me interesé por consumir las manzanas.
Hablando del efecto escasez en su máxima expresión.
4. Lucha contra la baja autoestima
La baja autoestima puede influir en todos los aspectos de tu vida (especialmente en tu vida amorosa). Puede dañar tu salud mental y hacerte sentir frustrado, ansioso e incluso deprimido.
Mujeres o hombres con poca confianza en sí mismos a menudo piensan que poseer algo valioso y raro les hará sentirse mejor consigo mismos.
Están convencidos de que poseer esa única cosa o estar con esa única persona es la pieza que falta en el puzzle para encontrar su valor.
As long as they’re pursuing the object of their affection, they feel like there is hope, and their well-being is at stake.
5. La atracción de lo desconocido
Unpredictability, forbidden fruit, unknown scenarios… All these things can influence you to chase something you can’t have.
Pasas mucho tiempo pensando en cómo te sentirías una vez que hayas comprado el objeto o conquistado a la persona que te gusta. Wanting what you can’t have has never been more frustrating and yet, at the same time, alluring.
El atractivo de lo desconocido te hace pensar que la hierba es más verde en el otro lado.
You’re convinced that all the other people who own what you want are happier and more content in life than you. That’s why you become so focused on pursuing that feeling.
6. Búsqueda de la autoestima
Feeling like you’re not good enough can put you in a state of constant pursuit of self-worth. You want something you can’t have because you want to feel worthy of it.
El siguiente escenario ocurre en tu cabeza: “If I manage to earn enough money to buy that one luxury thing or if I manage to win that attractive man or woman, my self-worth will increase.”
Crees que su valor se convertirá en el tuyo. Tener el objeto de tu deseo te hará sentir digno, poderoso y seguro de ti mismo.
7. Idealizar el objeto de deseo
Cuando idealizas al objeto de tu deseo, básicamente piensas que es perfecto y mucho mejor de lo que es en realidad. En tu cabeza, son EXACTAMENTE lo que necesitas en la vida para sentirte completo.
Mente muy sana explains idealization in the following way: “La idealización es un proceso psicológico o mental que consiste en atribuir cualidades excesivamente positivas a otra persona o cosa..”
Basically, you want something you can’t have because you’ve idealized that thing or person. You’ve convinced yourself that their value is higher than it really is. That’s exactly what makes you chase after it or them.
8. La alegría de cumplir una fantasía
This is also known as projection. It’s when you spend a considerable amount of time fantasizing about owning that thing or spending time with a certain person.
Tu mente ha ido tan lejos cuando se trata de crear esas pequeñas imágenes en tu cabeza de ti besándoles, cogiéndoles de la mano, abrazándoles, viajando con ellos (if we’re talking about a person).
“I want what I can’t have because I want my fantasy to be fulfilled.”
9. Cuanto más inalcanzables son, más te interesas por ellos.
Sadly, we often categorize those who are unreachable as highly valuable. Here’s my real-life personal example of this:
Perseguía a un tipo que no estaba disponible emocionalmente y, por lo tanto, era inalcanzable. The less he texted me, the more invested I became and determined to “make him reachable.”
Mientras lo hacía, ignoraba a todos los chicos buenos que en realidad eran más valiosos que él. Lección aprendida, seguí adelante.
Lo que quiero que recuerdes es que el valor percibido del objeto de tu deseo está todo en tu cabeza. También puede ser valiosos consejos sobre relaciones también.
10. Búsqueda de validación
Why do you want what you can’t have? Because búsqueda de validación te obliga a perseguir cosas y personas que te hagan sentir validado.
Here’s a simple example of this: A smart, beautiful, attractive woman or man is playing hard to get with you. Lo consideras un signo de gran valor y estás totalmente decidido a perseguirlos.
Al cabo de un tiempo, tienes una primera cita, una segunda, y así sucesivamente. Poco a poco, empiezas a conquistarlos y te sientes mejor que nunca. ¿Por qué?
Porque al aceptar tener una cita contigo, te hicieron sentir validada. Te hacían sentir mejor contigo mismo porque te aceptaban.
Now let’s go back to the beginning of this story. You want something you can’t have because having it or being with them will make you feel validated.
11. Mayor concentración
When someone tells you that you can’t have something, do you instantly want it even more? Of course, you do. El ser humano está programado para desear cosas que son escasas o, en cierto modo, prohibidas.
That’s where heightened focus comes into the story. This basically means that you’ll spend more time thinking of something or someone you can’t have than about anything else.
The more you think about it, the more you’ll become “obsessed” with it. Perhaps you have no idea why you even want that thing or person. You just want it because you can’t have it.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s totally true. The same thing applies to reverse psychology. If you want to make someone do something, just tell them they can’t or shouldn’t do it.
12. Sentirse amenazado
Due to all the fantasizing about the object of your desire, you enter a state of feeling threatened about losing it. Wait, but how can you lose something or someone you don’t even have?
Bueno, en tu mente, existen. Están contigo 24 horas al día, 7 días a la semana, porque pasas mucho tiempo pensando en ella o en ellos.
Te recuerdas a menudo que otra persona pudo comprar esa cosa antes que tú, o que otra persona pudo seducir a ese chico o chica antes que tú.
The more threatened you feel, the more you want what you can’t have. It’s really impressive how our brain can play tricks on us.
13. La búsqueda de la felicidad
One of the reasons you always want what you can’t have is that you’re pursuing happiness. You’ve convinced yourself that the source of your happiness is connected with the thing or person you’re interested in.
Olvidas que la felicidad es una elección. Once you stop pursuing things or people you can’t have, you’ll find happiness. Pursuing something you can’t have can’t guarantee that you’ll be happy once you achieve it.
After that, you’ll find another thing or another person that you would want to pursue again. The only person who can make you happy is YOU. So, stop looking for happiness in things or people you can’t have.
What Do You Do When You Want Something You Can’t Have?
Do you go out of your way to own that thing or attract that person? Do you lose yourself only to pursue something you can’t have? Here’s what you should do when you find yourself wanting something you can’t have:
• Question the emotions that drive you
Why do you want something or someone you can’t have? Do you think they would boost your self-esteem and make you feel more content in life? Do you wish to fulfill a fantasy?
Question the emotions that drive you. Don’t just fall into the trap of wanting and desiring something you can’t have.
Desiring things you don’t need in life means wasting your time. Unrequited love leads to inevitable heartbreak.
Aquí puedes elegir.
Puedes decidir no perseguir tus deseos si te afectan negativamente. Por supuesto, lo que sientes es real, but don’t let it become an everyday obsession. You deserve better than that.
• Remove society’s pressure and unrealistic expectations
Nuestros familiares, amigos o la sociedad nos presionan a menudo para que creamos que tenemos que comportarnos de determinadas maneras. When we add unrealistic expectations to this, we’ve got a recipe for ultimate unhappiness.
Sin expectativas = sin decepciones. Elimine la presión de la sociedad y céntrese en lo que USTED realmente necesita y quiere en la vida.
Don’t buy things just because others are advertising them. Don’t feel pressured to date others because society and those closest to you are frightening you into thinking that you’ll be single forever.
Piensa en lo que quieres en la vida y sigue tu instinto. Apaga todas las presiones y expectativas de los demás.
• Practice gratitude
The reason we want things and people we can’t have is that we often think we lack something in our lives.
Practicar la gratitud te ayudará a darte cuenta de que ya tienes muchas cosas por las que estar agradecido.
Once you realize how blessed you truly are, you’ll be less inclined to want something you can’t have. You’ll focus on cherishing the people and things you already have in your life.
Cuando empecé practicar la gratitud, for the first time in my life, I was surrounded by this veil of positive energy. The more I practiced it, the more complete I felt. I bet you’ll feel the same way!
• Keep a diary
Writing down your thoughts daily is a brilliant way to keep track of your mindset. Write down how you feel, what you’re grateful for, and whatever comes to mind.
By doing this, you’ll be more in control of your actions. You will not let your mind wander and fantasize about things you can’t have.
You’ll be more “in the moment,” which is essential if you want to get rid of that burden of wanting something you can’t have.
• Limit your time spent on social media
I’m convinced that every single person on earth needs a desintoxicación de las redes sociales once in a while. Limiting the time spent on social media will limit the time you’re exposed to things you might want but can’t have.
Here’s one of my most recent examples: When I started following one online clothing store, I felt bombarded with all those beautiful summer dresses, skirts, cool T-shirts… Every time they posted something new, I immediately thought, “I need that thing!”
Deep down in my heart, I knew that I couldn’t buy all those things, and that’s why I wanted them even more. ¿Sabes lo que hice? I unfollowed the store, and now I’m living happily and peacefully.
I hope my story inspired you to limit your time spent on social media or at least to unfollow the sites that make you want something you can’t have.
• Cultivate self-love
When you want something you can’t have, this is often connected with a lack of self-love. In a nutshell, you’re looking for things and people who will make you feel better and happier.
Esto nunca ocurre. La única forma segura de alcanzar la felicidad es a través de aumentar el amor propioPasar tiempo con sus seres queridos y trabajar en sí mismo.
En lugar de buscar cosas o personas que te completen, complétate a ti mismo.
Instead Of Wanting Something You Can’t Have, Focus On What’s Good For You.
Wanting something you can’t have can be overcome if you’re really determined and willing. The easiest way to fight these tiring feelings of desiring things and people you can’t have is by focusing on what’s good for you.
¿Qué cosas y quiénes son las personas que añaden valor real a tu vida?
Don’t just want something because you can’t have it. Want something because it’s good for you.
That’s the secret to true happiness and ser libre de tus propios deseos.
