Cómo dejar de pensar en alguien: 15 pasos para quitártelo de la cabeza
“I can’t stop thinking about him or her, as much as I try”. How many times has this sentence gone through your mind?
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, about your friend or simply about some event that changed you as a person, when you find yourself in the middle of this situation, you feel hopeless, helpless, and trapped.
Haces todo lo posible por acabar con ese enamoramiento de esa persona o cosa, pero nada te da un resultado positivo.
Pues bien, lo cierto es que obsesionarse con alguien puede ser devastador para su salud emocional y mental, y que puede repercutir gravemente en la calidad de su vida cotidiana.
Tus pensamientos rumiantes te están agobiando, no te permiten comprometerte con algo nuevo y representan un pesado equipaje emocional que sigues cargando allá donde vas.
Nevertheless, the fact that you can’t stop these stressful thoughts from appearing in your mind is not the end of the world.
Al fin y al cabo, es algo por lo que todos hemos pasado y que tarde o temprano superarás.
Sin embargo, lo que es crucial en este proceso de despejar tu espacio mental es hacerlo de la forma saludable porque es la única manera de que tus pensamientos no vuelvan a atormentarte en el futuro.
The truth is that sometimes, people are convinced that they have left some emotions and thoughts behind them, but they’ve actually just buried them under the carpet, and sooner or later, these emotions and thoughts backfire on them and reappear when they least expect them.
That’s why we’re here to prevent this from happening. Just read and follow these 15 steps, and we promise you that you’ll kick out all intruders from your system once and for all.
Véase también: Qué hacer cuando no puedes dejar de pensar en ella
1. Tomar una decisión
Antes de hacer ningún progreso para acabar con tus pensamientos obsesivos y preservar tu salud mental, tienes que estar seguro de que esto es lo que realmente quieres y de que es lo mejor para ti en este momento.
You need to make a firm decision that you really want to get this person out of your head because they don’t deserve a place in your life or your thoughts.
Básicamente, tienes que aceptar la realidad por mucho que duela y enfrentarte a la verdad sobre esta persona, por dura que sea.
Es crucial que pierdas toda esperanza posible de que cambien en algún momento en el futuro o de que vuelvan arrastrándose hacia ti.
Remember–you’re not doing this to make them chase you or because you expect them to be hurt once you kick them out of your system.
You’re doing it to get rid of your own stressful thoughts. You’re doing it for your own sake and for your own good!
If you’re not sure about this and if you still think that the person in question should get otra oportunidad, don’t force yourself to do something you’re not ready for.
However, if you really make a decision, stick to it with all of your strength, and don’t ever look back.
2. Get closure…
When you’re reading an interesting book or watching a great movie, it is natural that you wait until the end to see how it will finish.
So it would be weird if you didn’t react the same way when it comes to your own life.
This person we’re talking about was probably the main character in one of your life chapters.
It doesn’t matter if they did something to cause you heartache, if they failed your expectations, abandoned you when you needed them the most or simply ghosted you without a proper explanation–you have the need for some answers.
Quiere saber qué ha pasado, cuándo y cómo han ido mal las cosas, y si usted tiene algún tipo de culpa.
Así que si tienes la oportunidad, busca que cierre you desperately want. Don’t rely on your memories and feelings.
Sé un adulto que llamará a esa persona y le hará todas esas preguntas que últimamente te rondan por la cabeza.
Don’t see this as an opportunity to start over or to rebuild your relationship with them. Instead, see it as a chance to turn over a new, fresh page of your life.
3. …Or accept that you won’t get any
However, there are times when you simply cannot get closure. Maybe too many negative things happened between you and this person, your pride doesn’t let you contact them or they simply don’t want to give you the explanation you’re looking for.
De cualquier manera, a veces tienes que seguir adelante con tu propia vida sin cierre.
Tienes que aceptar las cosas como son ahora, sin tratar de buscar razones, excusas y justificaciones por la forma en que alguien te trató.
Instead of looking at things from your own perspective, understand that we’re not all the same.
There are people who are ready to do the things you would never even think of doing, and people who don’t see their actions the way you do.
Así que, en lugar de machacarte y perder más tiempo y energía en intentar resolver las preguntas que, obviamente, quedarán sin respuesta, céntrate en tu viaje para superar a esa persona y haz todo lo posible por dejarlo ir.
4. Dése un plazo
When you’re going through a healing process, initially, you have the uncontrollable urge to cry your heart out.
You keep spending time locked in your room, screaming or ruminating on everything that’s happened.
Y eso no es nada inusual, nada de lo que avergonzarse, y no es algo que te haga débil. De hecho, sólo te convierte en un ser humano.
Sin embargo, si este comportamiento deja de ser sólo una fase que dura un cierto periodo de tiempo y, en cambio, se convierte en uno de tus patrones de comportamiento habituales, tienes un problema y puedes deprimirte fácilmente.
That is exactly why you should give yourself a deadline: put a date until which you’re allowed to grieve su pérdida y hasta que sea aceptable que sea lo único que ocupe su mente.
Cuando pase ese periodo de tiempo, recoge los pedazos rotos de tu corazón destrozado y olvídate de sentir lástima por ti mismo.
Take a leap into your future, and don’t allow the past to eat you alive anymore.
I won’t lie to you–doing this won’t magically erase this person from your mind, and it won’t automatically bring all the positive thoughts in your brain. However, there is a solution for that, as well.
The best thing you can do is determine a time frame in which you’re allowed to think about them each day.
Por ejemplo, reserve media hora cada día y dedique ese tiempo a rumiar sobre esa persona.
However, don’t you dare think about them outside that time frame.
Even when a mere thought of this person crosses your mind at any other time during the day, leave the analyzing and overthinking for tomorrow’s session.
Just don’t forget to reduce this time frame as every day (or week) goes by!
Sí, puede parecer un camino largo, pero créeme que es una de las pocas formas saludables de dejar de pensar en alguien de verdad, sin que esa persona vuelva a visitar tu mente nunca más.
5. Escribe tus emociones
While you’re going through the process of training your mind to forget about the person in question, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start keeping a journal of your ruminating thoughts and emotions.
There are some things you might be too embarrassed to share even with your closest friends, and you don’t want to go and see a psychotherapist, but paper can deal with everything.
Incluso puedes escribirlo todo en un papel y quemarlo al final del día.
I promise you that this will feel like you’ve talked to your best friend or a psychotherapist.
Otra cosa que puedes hacer y que te ayudará suelta es imaginar a esa persona delante de ti.
Imagina que están rodeados por una bola de luz blanca y simbólicamente déjalos ir, junto con esta bola de luz blanca.
6. Olvídate de culpar a los demás
When you’re trying to figure out how to stop pensando en alguienlo que tienes que hacer es simplemente ignorar todo lo que pasó entre tú y esa persona.
After all, you’re not trying to make things right again or to rebuild your relationship, so what is the point of playing the blame game?
A fin de cuentas, ¿importa realmente quién ha metido la pata? ¿Importa quién debe asumir la mayor responsabilidad y quién es culpable de que las cosas vayan cuesta abajo?
It doesn’t! Because the outcome would be the same either way, so why waste any more energy on cracking your brain open about it?
Why do you keep on thinking of all the could have and should have beens? Why do you focus on all the potential this relationship might have when it clearly didn’t end the way you planned it to?
Comprender que toda relación es una calle de doble sentido y que se necesitan dos para bailar un tango puede resultar chocante al principio, pero acabará liberándote.
Significa que probablemente tú también tienes tu parte de culpa y que sería injusto que acusaras a la otra persona de todo lo malo que ha pasado.
Sin embargo, esto también significa que no debe, bajo ninguna circunstancia, cúlpate a ti mismo para todo tampoco.
7. Perdonar y dejar ir la ira
As soon as you’re trying to get someone out of your head, it is quite likely that they’ve caused you some serious harm.
This is especially true when you’re wondering how to stop thinking about your ex who might have cheated on you, abused you or se alejó de ti por otra persona.
In this case scenario, all possible emotions mingle inside of you. You are nostalgic for the good times that are behind you, you miss them (despite knowing you shouldn’t), but most of all–you’re incredibly angry.
You can’t stop holding grudges and resentment, and anger consumes you completely.
Quieres vengarte y crees que vengarte de la persona que te ha hecho tanto daño es lo único que puede ayudarte a sentirte mejor.
Well, that is where you’re wrong. It is not that this person doesn’t deserve getting a taste of their own medicine–the point is that they don’t deserve you dealing with them in any way any more.
Most importantly–you don’t deserve these negative emotions that have been overwhelming you.
You see, your anger and curses don’t impact them in any way possible, but they sure do you harm.
So, no, revenge wouldn’t make you feel better. In fact, it would only drag you down to their level and make you the same as they are.
Sin embargo, perdonarDeshacerse de la ira y sustituirla por pensamientos positivos sin duda lo hará.
Sí, hace falta mucha fuerza para aceptar las disculpas que nunca recibiste. Hace falta mucho carácter y poder interior para perdonar a quienes ni siquiera se arrepienten de haberte maltratado.
However, you are not doing it for them–you’re doing it for your own sake.
You’re doing it because it is the only way to liberate yourself from your cage and the only way to finally be at peace with yourself.
Debes perdonar y dejar ir la ira porque es la única manera de estar por encima de los que te hicieron daño.
La única manera de vencer su maldad, de seguir adelante y de dejar de pensar en ellos.
8. Evitarlos
Ahora que ha completado la mayoría de los pasos relativos a su lucha interior, es el momento de emprender acciones más concretas.
You’ll start with removing this person physically from your world, and I assure you that your mind will soon follow.
Obviamente, cortaste todos los lazos y te fuiste ningún contacto with them now that your relationship is over. You don’t talk to them, and you don’t go out for coffee.
Sin embargo, esto no es suficiente. Esta era la persona con la que pasabais mucho tiempo juntos, así que los dos habéis desarrollado hábitos similares.
Puede que tengáis amigos y familiares comunes o que ambos sigáis saliendo a los mismos sitios que solíais visitar juntos.
Well, either way, it is about time for all of your ties to really be broken–it is time for you to start avoiding them, as much as possible.
Don’t go near their street, ask your mutual friends and family members not to talk to you about them (and if they don’t obey, start avoiding them as well), don’t shop in that mall where you know you might run into them, and don’t go clubbing, expecting to meet them.
No, nada de esto te convierte en un cobarde. No es señal de que huyas de ellos.
It just shows that you’re mature enough to choose your inner peace and your fresh new start over childish games and your need to prove a point.
You know how they say–out of sight, out of heart. Well, this can’t be truer.
Te prometo que en cuanto dejes de ver a esa persona, al mismo tiempo empezará a desaparecer de tu memoria.
You won’t dissect their every look, move or word. You won’t crack your brains open about trying to decode the hidden signals which probably don’t even exist, and you won’t live in constant anticipation of whether you’ll see them or not.
Instead, you’ll be able to completely focus on your recovery without them destroying your progress every time they appear in front of you.
9. Deshazte de todo lo que pueda recordarte a ellos
When you can’t stop thinking about someone, the last things you should be surrounded by are their clothes, presents, and other things.
Así que el siguiente paso es averiguar cómo dejar de pensar en algo que te recuerde a esa persona.
If you don’t have the heart to actually throw away everything connected to this person, at least remove their stuff out of your sight. Stop wearing the clothes or jewelry they bought you.
Cambia de perfume si te recuerda a ellos. Deja de escuchar sus canciones.
Borra todas las fotos y vídeos de los dos juntos, y deja de ver esa serie de televisión en la que el protagonista es exactamente igual que ellos.
Sounds radical, I know. However, these are all the things that deepen your heartache and things which serve you as reminders of the person you’re tratando de olvidar.
10. Bloquéalos
Blocking someone’s number and social media profiles might seem childish, but when you keep spending time obsessing over this one person, it is the only solution you have.
Deja de mirar sus fotos, historias y actualizaciones de estado; deja de seguirlos en todas las plataformas de redes sociales posibles, y te aseguro que será el movimiento correcto para tu salud mental.
En primer lugar, tus pensamientos obsesivos y tu encaprichamiento por esa persona se reducirán al mínimo.
You won’t check how long it has been since their last activity. You won’t investigate every person who likes their posts, and you won’t constantly check on who they follow and unfollow.
Besides, it will also make you get rid of expectations. You won’t keep on patiently waiting for them to contact you in any way possible.
You won’t stress every time you hear a notification or your phone ringing, expecting it to be them.
11. Encontrar los lados buenos
Todo lo malo que te ocurre tiene su lado bueno, aunque no lo veas de inmediato.
Así que, en lugar de pensar en todo lo que salió mal y en lugar de ver tu romper o estado actual como el fin del mundo, intente verlo desde un punto de vista más positivo.
En primer lugar, recuerde que Dios siempre tiene un plan which we usually can’t see.
Recuerda que todo sucede por una razón y que perder a esa persona probablemente te ha evitado mucho más dolor en el futuro.
No, losing this person is not the worst thing that could ever happen to you. In fact, it is probably the best—you just fail to see it at this point.
Also, don’t forget that when one door closes, another one always opens.
It means that huge things await you around the corner—you just have to be patient enough to wait for them, and you have to build yourself into becoming the person who is ready to embrace them.
Así que, en lugar de lamentarte por todo lo que ha pasado, da gracias por ello. Agradece a Dios que te haya enviado estos retos que te han hecho una persona más fuerte.
Agradece la oportunidad de obtener algo nuevo de la vida, y agradece todas las lecciones que has aprendido.
12. Cambia tu espacio mental
El siguiente paso en tu proceso de curación consiste en redirigir tus pensamientos hacia otro lugar.
After all, you spent a lot of energy and time thinking about this person, so now when you’ve decided to finally call it quits, you don’t know what to do with yourself.
Has desarrollado el hábito de estar pendiente de ellos, de rebobinar toda vuestra relación una y otra vez en tu cabeza, y es como si acosarlos o imaginar todos los escenarios posibles se hubiera convertido en un pasatiempo para ti.
Therefore, it is normal that you’re bored now and that you want to go back to your thoughts which became like an addiction to you.
Well, the key is in putting your focus elsewhere because you can’t expect to sit around the house all day and keep your mind clear.
That is why you have to keep yourself as busy as possible—you have to tire both your body and mind.
Ve al gimnasio, únete a un club de lectura, reencuéntrate con tus viejos amigos… whatever will keep your mind off this person.
Just make sure you’re surrounded by the people and things which have nothing to do with them and which won’t remind you of the memories you’re trying to put behind you.
This is especially the case with the time you spend your friends and family because you’ll probably use every opportunity to share your thoughts with them.
Well, it is your job to ask them to stop you whenever they hear you repeating the same old stories over and over and to deliberately change the subject once they see that you’re digging through your old wounds again.
Si es necesario, medita, escucha música relajante o prueba algunas técnicas de respiración que puedan ayudarte a recuperar el control sobre ti mismo y que te ayuden a estar en paz contigo mismo.
13. Remember that you’re in charge of your own happiness
When we’re down, most of us expect a miracle to happen. We secretly hope that someone will jump into our lives carrying a magic stick which will delete all of our problems in the blink of an eye.
Por eso pedimos consejo a los demás: porque esperamos que nos den una fórmula secreta que ahuyentará todos nuestros problemas.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but this won’t happen.
In fact, you’re the only one in charge of your own well being and the only one responsable de tu felicidad.
This person isn’t to blame for remaining in your thoughts. You’re guilty of keeping them there, and you’re the only one who can throw them out.
En cuanto comprendas esta impactante y brutal verdad, todo irá sobre ruedas.
This realization won’t only help you get your life back in your hands, it will also help you regain control over your emotions and thoughts.
And that is the whole point, isn’t it?
14. Volver a salir
It doesn’t matter whether you’re trying to figure out how to stop thinking about an ex, about a friend who betrayed you or generally, how to stop thinking about your past with someone, the key is to put yourself out there.
Yes, you heard it right—go and find yourself a new romantic partner or a new friend because that is a certain way of moving on from whoever you’re trying to forget.
I know you’re probably sick of online dating and frases cursis para ligar and tired of searching for a person whom you’ll trust enough to make them your best friend, but give yourself a chance of meeting someone new.
Da a los demás la oportunidad de demostrarte que no todo el mundo es como esa persona de tu pasado.
15. Date tiempo
Another thing you have to understand is that healing is rarely a linear process. In fact, it has its ups and downs and most importantly—it doesn’t happen overnight.
There will be times when the object of your obsession will reappear in your thoughts out of nowhere, after you think you’ve managed to get rid of them forever, and when this happens, don’t beat yourself up because it is completely normal and it doesn’t mean that you failed.
Of course, don’t allow this moment of weakness to bring you back to square one either. Just understand that these things happen, and try to be as prepared for them as possible.
Dale tiempo al tiempo para que haga su magia, ¡porque realmente cura todas las heridas!
