19 cosas reveladoras que debes saber sobre salir con un hombre casado
Salir con un hombre casado is one of the things every girl swore she’d never do. However, life often has a way of proving us wrong.
You don’t know how exactly it happened, but you got the title of the other woman. You never planned for this to happen, and it is certainly not the fairytale kind of romance you’ve dreamt of.
As much as you try, you can’t find a way to resist the thrill this affair brings you. On the other hand, you know that dating a married man is a road to disaster.
This toxic relationship makes you feel miserable, and you can’t believe that you settled for being some guy’s second choice. Besides, you’re not proud of getting yourself into this mess, are you?
Well, having these doubts means that you’re on the right track. You just need some guidance, and this is the place to get it.
Éstos son algunos verdades reveladoras sobre amar y salir con un hombre casado.
8 preguntas reveladoras para salir con un hombre casado
The entire world can join forces to drag you away from this guy, but you won’t come to your senses until you see things how they are by yourself. I’m not here to give you any lectures.
Instead, I’ll just ask you to give honest answers to the following questions. I promise you – once you do, everything will be crystal clear.
Véase también: ¿Extrañan los hombres casados a sus amantes? 7 razones
¿Está bien salir con un hombre casado?
En circunstancias normales, sería absurdo siquiera darle una respuesta a esta pregunta. Come on, isn’t it obvious?
However, I’m not here to judge you. Besides, it’s pretty clear that you’re having second thoughts about your relationship – otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.
Hay casos en los que la otra mujer is perfectly aware of what she’s doing. She knows that she is making a huge mistake, but she simply can’t go against her heart.
Este tipo de mujeres están consumidas por la culpa. Se consideran las únicas responsables de la desintegración de una familia.
The boyfriend’s wife is constantly in these women’s heads. The self-blame is eating them alive, but not enough to make them stop with their affair.
On the other hand, there is a type of girl who is completely guilt-free. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
This girl lives as if she is in a “normal” relationship. She couldn’t care less about her boyfriend’s wife. After all, he is the one who made his wife some promises and the one who is backstabbing her.
According to this point of view, the mistress holds no responsibility whatsoever. She isn’t being unfaithful and she is only chasing her own happiness.
While the first approach is all about guilt, the other one is all about self-deception. Basically, it’s dead heat as to which one is worse.
The important thing is that no matter what you think, having a romantic relationship with a married man is WRONG. I’m not telling you to stop dating him nor do I blame you for this situation, but let’s be clear with this.
Love him as much as you want or even continue dating him, but that doesn’t make it right.
¿Está siendo sincero conmigo?
Now that we have that sorted out, it’s time for a little bit of selfishness. After all, you’re your own priority here and that’s how things should roll.
Verás, la mayoría de los hombres casados (si no todos) tienen un argumento similar. Pero, a pesar de estar familiarizadas con cada una de estas frases cliché, cada vez más chicas siguen cayendo en ellas.
¿Por qué? Porque un hombre casado te dirá todas las cosas que quieres oír.
That’s why you must ask yourself if he’s being honest with you.
Mira, ningún chico vendrá a ti con la historia de que su matrimonio ha caído en un bache y que sólo está buscando algo de diversión.
He won’t tell you that he doesn’t plan on leaving his significant other in a million years.
In that case, every girl would just turn around and walk away. That’s why a married guy will always say that his current relationship is on the verge of a breakdown.
You’re the one he confesses his deepest, darkest secrets to. He hasn’t had an honest conversation with his wife in years and his marriage is just a piece of paper.
¿O ya ha pedido el divorcio antes de que os conocierais? Pero la bruja de su mujer está retrasando el proceso. Ella lo está chantajeando o amenazando con llevarse a los niños.
The examples are endless, but I’m sure you know the drill. However, there are some cases when all of this is true. They’re rare, but they do exist.
So, you know this man to the core of his being, don’t you? Well, it’s up to you to be completely honest with yourself and decide if you’ll believe him or not.
¿Soy su primera aventura?
En infiel is not a big deal for some men. There are a bunch of married guys who continue living their lives as a bachelor even after saying “I do”.
They see this as a way of extramarital fun – something that revives the spark in their current relationship. But, every time their wife is about to find out about their activities, they return to their nests as if nothing happened.
O, simplemente, se aburren de una chica a la que arrastraron durante años. En cualquier caso, estos son los hombres que nunca cambiarán su estilo de vida.
They’ll keep on jumping from one woman to another as long as they have the chance to. They’re adúlteros en serie, and if you fall into their trap – run for your life ASAP.
Por otro lado, hay hombres que simplemente se enamoran de otra persona fuera de su matrimonio. En este caso, ese alguien más eres tú.
Look, I won’t justify this. It’s a well-known fact that you must end one relationship before starting anything new.
But hey, we’re all human beings made out of flesh and blood. So, whether we like it or not, these things happen.
Es más probable que este tipo de hombre casado ponga fin a su relación actual. Es consciente de que ha cometido un error, pero llevar una doble vida no es lo suyo.
¿Cómo habla de su mujer?
I know that you’d be the happiest person in the world if your boyfriend badmouthed his wife. That must mean that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, right?
Well, I can’t emphasize enough how wrong you are.
Lo primero y más importante, you don’t want him to hate her. “Why”, you must ask. Well, hatred is an emotion, isn’t it? Besides, it’s a thin line between loving and hating someone.
Besides, if he is angry or resentful – he is clearly not indifferent. In fact, this might be just a defense mechanism.
It’s quite possible that he actually cares for his wife deeply, but refuses to admit this to anyone, including himself. Either way, it’s apparent that there is still some strong passion present.
La razón principal you shouldn’t rejoice at this guy talking trash about his wife is the fact that his behavior shows what kind of a person he is.
Come on, isn’t it enough that he is going behind her back? Not only that: now, he badmouths her with his mistress to humiliate her some more.
Sí, puede que su mujer tenga todos esos rasgos tóxicos de los que no para de cotorrear, pero en ese caso, ¿por qué sigue casado con una persona como ella?
¿Es un cobarde para decirle todo lo que siente y piensa de ella a la cara?
¿Qué tipo de trato puede esperar USTED de él en el futuro?
Es la mujer con la que quería pasar el resto de su vida, y sólo por eso merece respeto. Así que prepárate para que te trate aún peor si os distanciáis.
On the other hand, you don’t want your boyfriend to talk to you about how he loves his wife either. As sick as that sounds, trust me – it happens.
The best possible version would be a man who still has some respect for his wife, despite his affair. He doesn’t blame her for the state of their marriage nor does he share the details of their past with you.
Instead, he just tells you that things aren’t working out anymore, that the true love they shared faded away or that his marriage doesn’t look the way he imagined it to be.
¿Tiene hijos?
Kids should never be the main reason for a marriage to continue. However, nobody can tell you that they don’t make a crucial difference.
Therefore, you have to put them on a scale. It’s one thing if your boyfriend has no children with his wife.
De este modo, si acaba divorciándose de ella, ya no habrá nada que les una. Además, el proceso de divorcio será mucho más fácil y rápido, sobre todo si no tienen bienes comunes.
No obstante, si son padres, serán co-parents para el resto de sus vidas.
It doesn’t matter if he marries you or someone else or if she moves on with her life – there will always be something connecting them.
I’m not saying this to scare you off nor am I talking about an emotional connection here. I just want you to be perfectly aware of what you’re getting yourself into.
This is especially true if we’re talking about younger children. When the two of them split, you can’t forbid your boyfriend from talking to his ex-wife.
Probablemente obtendrán la custodia compartida. Aunque es más probable que los niños vivan con su madre, seguirán visitándole.
This means that eventually, you’ll become their stepmother. Of course, this doesn’t have to happen right away, but if a man is leaving his wife for you, you two moving in together or getting married is probably the next step.
Is this the role you’re ready to take? No, you won’t have to replace their mother (nor should you ever try doing so!), but they will certainly become a part of your life.
How do you plan on handling this? How do you think you’ll deal with the fact that they’ll probably hate your guts, at least in the beginning?
Is all of this too much for you? Do you think you have what it takes to live with a man who has a family you’ll never be a part of?
¿Su divorcio forma parte del futuro previsible?
We’ve already established the fact that married guys (read: jugadores casados) suelen prometer a sus amantes que están a punto de divorciarse. Pero, en la mayoría de los casos, esto no es más que un engaño.
This is nothing but this man’s way of keeping you around. Maybe he is lying to himself as well, but the truth is that there are a lot of guys in this situation who never file for a divorce.
Así que, por favor, pregúntate: ¿es éste el caso de tu novio? ¿O su divorcio forma parte de un futuro previsible?
Don’t lie to yourself. Let’s disregard your hopes and wishes. Instead, look at things as realistically as possible.
Quítese las gafas de color de rosa y pregúntese si su situación está avanzando de alguna manera posible o está estancada en un punto muerto.
¿Ha hecho algo este hombre para demostrar sus intenciones? ¿Se ha mudado de casa? ¿Ha hablado con su mujer de divorciarse? ¿Ha iniciado los trámites?
¿O no ha hecho nada más que engañarte y hacerte falsas promesas? ¿Sigue haciendo excusas vacías cada vez que sacas el tema?
Esta pregunta podría ser la más importante de todas. It’s the one that gives you a clear light on your relationship. It helps you understand if this forbidden romance has a future or if it is doomed to fail.
¿Cuánto dura esto?
I’ll be brutally honest about one thing: if you have been dating a married man for years, but he hasn’t done anything about his marital status, things will never change.
Come on, let’s be real: if he hasn’t filed for divorce throughout all these years, what makes you think that this time will be different?
I know you’ve heard a million excuses. “It’s just not the time yet”. “My wife is emotionally blackmailing me”. “Please, give me some more time”. “Wait until the kids grow a little older, so they can understand what’s going on.”
La lista continúa. Las excusas cambian, pero tu situación sigue siendo la misma.
On the other hand, if you two have just started dating, you can’t expect him to leave his entire life overnight. I know it sounds harsh, but he is probably still not certain whether you’re algo temporal.
¿Eres lo suficientemente digna para que él se aleje de su familia? ¿Es sólo pasión o es amor de verdad?
Ambos necesitan tiempo para obtener respuestas a estas preguntas.
Básicamente, tienes más posibilidades de acabar con este chico si lleváis juntos el tiempo suficiente para daros cuenta de que es el momento.
On the other hand, your relationship doesn’t last too long, so he objectively didn’t have the chance to end things in his marriage.
¿Qué significa esta relación para mí?
Until now, we’ve focused on your boyfriend’s deepest feelings and intentions. But, what about you?
¿Qué representa para usted esta relación? ¿Es sólo un asunto casual o estás seguro you’ve found your soulmate?
Mira, sé que la atracción física puede ser intensa. Tiene una forma de cegarte para que no veas bien.
However, trust me: it’s not worth it. If you’re not sure about your emotions, let it go.
Once you sober up and the butterflies in your belly fly away, you’ll realize what you’ve done. You’ll see that you two have ruined a family for some vestigial attraction that never meant much.
En cambio, la situación es completamente distinta si ambos sabéis que queréis envejecer juntos a pesar de las circunstancias.
¿Cuáles son las desventajas de salir con un hombre casado?
It’s time to check out these shocking facts that apply to every extra-marital affair. En lugar de huir de la verdad, ten la valentía de mirarla directamente a los ojos.
You’ll waste years on him.
La mayoría de las mujeres pasan años saliendo con un hombre casado. De hecho, según los expertos en relaciones, la mayoría de estas relaciones no tienen ningún futuro.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not claiming that you two will be a part of the statistics. But, it is a possible scenario that you have to be prepared for.
The harsh truth is that it’s most likely that you’ll end up wasting years of your life on this man. This is especially devastating if you’re a younger girl who dreams of starting a family.
Pero, puede que no tengas esa oportunidad si sigues viendo a este hombre.
¿Está dispuesto a pasar años en habitaciones de hotel destartaladas?
¿Estás dispuesto a renunciar a algunas cosas habituales, como publicar una foto con tu base en las redes sociales, cogerle de la mano en público, irte de vacaciones sin tener que esconderte del mundo entero o simplemente ir a una cafetería donde la gente pueda verte?
There he is, living his life as if you don’t exist. On the other hand, you put yours on hold, patiently waiting for him to choose you and make up his mind.
Las vísperas de Año Nuevo, Valentine’s Days, Christmas Eves, holidays… He’ll always be with his wife while you’ll spend them alone.
It’s easier while you’re younger. You have your friends, but as time goes by, this will start to bother you more and more.
Mira, no hay nada malo en estar solo cuando you’re single. In this case, you’d probably enjoy your single life and you’d know this is what you chose.
But, it is something else to be in a relationship where you’re alone, and this is exactly how these affairs look like.
¿Qué pasará cuando empiece a correr el reloj biológico (si quieres tener tus propios hijos)? ¿Le culparás por robarte los mejores años de tu vida?
Well, reality check: you’ll be the only one guilty for giving it to him.
People don’t change.
I assume what you must think: He’s not like this. He is not an adulterer by nature. He did this with me only because we fell in love.
Pero, ¿es esto realmente cierto? ¿Cómo se puede confía en este hombre¿Incluso si cumple todas sus promesas?
I get it: you don’t like his wife, which is perfectly natural. However, let’s look at things realistically.
Es una mujer a la que juró lealtad. Una mujer a la que juró permanecer a su lado en todos los días buenos y malos y una mujer que probablemente dio a luz a sus hijos.
Se trata de una mujer con la que construyó una vida y junto a la que pasó años. Sin embargo, nada de esto le impidió cometer adulterio.
La traicionó de la peor manera que se puede traicionar a una mujer. La humilló y aplastó sus esperanzas y sueños.
Entonces, ¿qué crees exactamente que le impide hacer lo mismo contigo? ¿Qué otra señal de alarma de su posible infidelidad necesitas?
¿Dice que te quiere? He assures you he’ll never leave you?
Le hizo las mismas promesas un millón de veces, y las incumplió todas.
Además, el karma encuentra una forma de devolvértelo.. I don’t have the intention to scare you. Please know that all of this can happen to you years from now.
One day, you’ll be a married woman. How would it feel to know that your husband is having an affair?
Probablemente sólo te está utilizando.
Yes, there are married men who fall in love with their mistresses – there is no doubt about that. However, in most cases, they’re just using them for fun.
You see, this man’s marriage is not what it used to be. The two of them aren’t in love as they were back when they were dating.
These things happen. It’s hard to keep the passion alive when you wake up next to the same person for years. This is often the case when kids come.
La esposa ahora también se convierte en madre y, le guste o no, tiene que prestar mucha más atención a este nuevo ser humano que ha traído al mundo.
En consecuencia, el marido recibe menos atención. O bien, ya no se siente atraído por ella como antes.
Maybe she gained some extra weight. Maybe he doesn’t see the woman he fell in love with anymore.
Al fin y al cabo, ahora está cambiando pañales, tiene olor a potito en el pelo o el niño le vomita encima de vez en cuando.
On the other hand, there you are. Young and stunning. You don’t nag about him not being home enough, you’re not worried about paying the bills and you don’t yell at the kids.
¿Qué más puede desear un hombre? Básicamente, tienes todo por lo que se enamoró de su mujer.
So, naturally, he falls for you hard. He doesn’t care too much about your personality, and he doesn’t think of your future together.
For this man, you’re not even real. You’re just an illusion – an escape from his everyday problems and responsibilities.
After all this time, he feels young again. When he is with you, he doesn’t think about paying the mortgage or mowing the lawn – he gets to enjoy himself.
Not only that: you also fulfill all of his fantasies in the bedroom. You’re never tired nor do you suffer from headaches every few days.
You’re always dressed to impress, your hair is perfect and your make-up is spotless. It’s like he’s got himself a personal, customized doll.
Sin embargo, Al cabo de un rato, la realidad le golpea con fuerza en la cabeza. Se da cuenta de que todo esto ha ido demasiado lejos y vuelve a su casa destrozada, intentando salvarla a toda costa.
Los contras superan a los pros.
Amas a este hombre. Te gusta pasar tiempo con él y ha traído alegría a tu vida. A pesar de que es un adúltero, en el fondo, usted sabe que es un buen hombre.
Estos son los pros. Si te fijas sólo en esto, entonces todo el mundo te dirá que vayas a por ello. Lucha por el hombre de tu vida. Todo vale en el amor y en la guerra, ¿verdad?
Bueno, en realidad no. Hay situaciones en las que hay que poner un límite.
Let’s talk about the disadvantages. Podría estar usándote. You’ll spend years waiting for a miracle that will never come.
Incluso si lo hace divorciarse, you’ll always blame yourself for tearing the family apart.
¿Están las cosas más claras ahora? Trust me: in the current situation, the cons almost always outweigh the pros. It’s just not worth it and you’ll figure that out on your own sooner or later.
It’ll ruin your reputation.
You don’t need to justify your actions to anyone. After all, you are not a people pleaser whose only goal is to get others’ approval.
However, I have to warn you: dating a married man might ruin your reputation in the long run. It doesn’t mean that you’re promiscuous.
Nevertheless, even when this affair ends, your potential boyfriend might look at you through it. You will also probably be judged for interfering in someone’s marriage.
Even your best friends and family members won’t support your decision. They might understand it, but deep down, they’ll be against it.
¿Cómo afrontar una cita con un hombre casado?
Una cosa es segura: debes poner fin a tu aventura a toda costa. Sin embargo, si insiste en seguir con esta farsa, al menos siga los buenos consejos que le han dado y juegue bien sus cartas.
Rompe las cosas.
If you ask me: “How do you date a married man successfully”, there is only one valid answer to this question: YOU DON’T.
Por lo tanto, un buen consejo es romper cosas as soon as possible. I know it’s hard, but please trust me – it’s the best decision you’ll ever make.
You should at least try doing it despite all the love you might feel for him. Come on, you’re a big girl and you can do it!
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising you to make this move because it’s the right thing to do. Yes, your conscience should be clear and you should take the fact that this is not moral into account.
However, I’m asking you to be a little selfish here. End this affair before it ends you emotionally and mentally.
That is what the most probable outcome of your relationship is: you’ll be heartbroken beyond repair and your life will shatter into pieces.
Yes, there is a chance that things won’t end this tragically. However, this is not a risk worth taking.
Vaya a ningún contactocorta todos los lazos con este hombre y olvida que alguna vez existió.
You’ll grieve over losing him – there is no doubt about that. And, I won’t lie to you: by doing this, you’ll break your own heart.
Sin embargo, en este caso, tienes la oportunidad de volver a pegarlo. De hecho, eso es exactamente lo que ocurrirá: sanarás y será solo una parte de tu amargo pasado.
Don’t put your life on hold.
If you decide to stay in this relationship despite all of these warnings, I’ll beg you one thing: don’t put your life on hold.
You’re a mistress and your love life can’t be solved until this man makes a decision. However, that doesn’t mean that you should spend years patiently waiting for him to do it.
Ten siempre presente que tu novio es no comprometido contigo. Así que lo peor que puedes permitir es que te enjaule.
¿Qué debería hacer exactamente? ¿Sentarse en un cuarto oscuro todos los fines de semana que pasa con su familia?
¿Debes estar disponible cada vez que él recuerde que existes? ¿Toda tu vida debe convertirse en una espera interminable a que este hombre encuentre tiempo para dedicarte algo de atención?
If you’re stuck in this relationship, use this time for some self-improvement. Don’t ditch your friends because he might call, don’t skip the gym because this is the only time he can come.
Verás, muchas amantes acaban haciendo esto sin haberlo planeado nunca.
Before you know it, you no longer go to the movies simply because he can’t come along, you don’t take vacations because he doesn’t want you traveling without him and you don’t invite your best friend over because your lover might march into your apartment if he gets the chance to.
Antes de que te des cuenta, te sorprendes a ti mismo quedándote dormido completamente vestido con el teléfono en las manos, esperando una llamada que nunca llega.
Y, antes de que te des cuenta, tú te pierdes la vida mientras él está por ahí viviendo la suya, completamente despreocupado.
Dale un ultimátum.
So, you’re sure that this is the real deal. You want this man for yourself and you’ve had enough of sharing him with his wife.
Y no sólo eso: dice que también te quiere. Sigue prometiéndote que te pedirá el divorcio.
Theoretically, you two are on the same page. However, practically, you’re stuck in the same spot for years.
En ese caso, dale un ultimátum. Dale un plazo hasta el que tenga que hacer algo concreto por vuestro futuro juntos..
De lo contrario, lo abandonará sin intención de volver jamás.
The most important thing here is to be serious. Don’t make empty threats that you’re not ready to go through with.
If he doesn’t do anything, you have to walk away. Don’t take him back until he keeps his promise.
Trust me: this is the only way for him to respect you. In all other cases, he’ll consider you as a fool he can play with for as long as he wants.
Don’t stand between him and his children.
Hagas lo que hagas, nunca te interpongas entre este hombre y sus hijos. Aunque se divorcie, sigue siendo su padre y nunca debes olvidarlo.
Si se convierte en padre soltero, don’t turn into an evil stepmother. Don’t make him choose between you and them because you will lose.
Most importantly: don’t look at his kids through their mother. You might hate her guts, but they don’t deserve your animosity.
After all, they see you as someone who ruined their family – not the other way around. I know he made that choice, but it’s easier for them to blame you than their own father.
Don’t disrespect his wife.
When you’re dating a married man, you can’t blame his wife for him not being yours. To be straight, she shouldn’t blame you for him being unfaithful either.
Sin embargo, esto es lo que tienden a hacer muchas mujeres. Luchan por los hombres que ambas aman y se ven como archienemigas.
Nevertheless, along the way, you both forget who the only one responsible for your miseries is: the man you love, that’s right.
So please, don’t you ever disrespect his wife. This goes for the situation when she becomes an ex as well.
Don’t think that you’ll get him to leave her if you send her proof of your relationship. Don’t meddle in their marriage, don’t insult her, and don’t badmouth her.
Of course, nobody expects you to like her. It’s reasonable that you see her as competition, but that can’t be an excuse for any kind of disrespect.
Don’t date other men.
I’d be the happiest if I could tell you to go to the grupo de citas. Technically, you’re a single woman and your boyfriend has no right to be jealous.
You share him with his wife, so the least he deserves is to share you with other men as well. This is the only way you’d give him a taste of his own medicine.
However, I’m here to advise you of something completely the opposite. I’m here to tell you not to date other guys while you’re dating a married man.
No, I’m not saying this out of respect for your boyfriend. I’m saying it because of you.
En primer lugar, sería injusto meter a otra persona en este lío. Lo último que necesita tu triángulo amoroso es un cuarto miembro.
Además, ¿y si conoces a un chico guapo que te acaba gustando de verdad? ¿Y si te enamoras de él mientras sigues queriendo a tu novio casado?
You’ll just end up with a bunch of conflicting emotions and another problem you don’t need on your back.
Si te involucras en una relación, le serías infiel a este nuevo chico. Eso significa que serías prácticamente igual que tu novio casado.
You’d hurt an innocent person just to get back at someone who is breaking your heart. We both know that you’re better than that.
Así que, por favor, aparca tus citas hasta que liquides tus cuentas.
Olvídate de las citas online, de dar falsas esperanzas a ese chico guapo que intenta ligar, o de conocer hombres nuevos hasta que tu situación actual se aclare.
Para terminar:
I’ll be honest with you: dating a married man is a bad thing. Nevertheless, it doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.
Whatever happens with you two, be aware that you’ll regret this affair in the long run. However, this doesn’t mean that you’re doomed because of it.
Don’t let this one mistake define you. Rise from the ashes and see it as a valuable lesson instead of letting it destroy you.
