20 consejos para dejar de autocompadecerse
Society tends to look down on people who seem weak in the face of their misfortunes. When someone who’s been through a hard time shows that they’re persevering against all odds, they’re praised for being brave.
Por otro lado, se desprecia a las personas que se autocompadecen. ‘Stop indulging in a pity party’ is a synonym for telling someone, ‘Stop being weak and do something about it.’
Some people aren’t as strong as others, but they still deserve understanding and kindness. Las personas que acaban revolcándose en la autocompasión se hacen daño a sí mismas because they don’t know how to move on or because they get something out of it they can’t get elsewhere.
If you feel like you’ve been stuck in a rut of self-loathing and wondering why it’s all happening to you, there’s a way to move on, and it all starts with a little self-compassion.
Deja de compadecerte de ti mismo mediante la autocompasión
Es difícil salir del interminable ciclo de revolcarse en la autocompasión y caer más profundamente en la vergüenza. The longer you’re stuck in it, the more you get used to feeling sorry for yourself, and moving on seems impossible.
Sometimes you just need to catch a break – all it takes is for one good thing to happen to you and shake things up. But when you feel like the world is against you, a chance to stop feeling broken rarely comes along, so there’s only one thing you can do: crea tus propias oportunidades.
Pretending your feelings don’t exist isn’t a sign of strength. To move on, you need to deal with them. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever have, but doing it will start your transformation.
1. Empieza con compasión hacia ti mismo
Sentir lástima por uno mismo es una forma de autodesprecio. You think that whatever you do, you can’t get what you want and only bad things happen to you. Esto te hace envidiar a los que parecen tener la vida resuelta y avergonzarte porque sientes you’re not good enough.
You hate yourself because you have no self-compassion and can’t accept these feelings. Once you choose to tell yourself, ‘It’s okay,’ things will start to get better.
2. Trátate como tratarías a un amigo
How to develop compassion for yourself when you think you’re the worst, so the world is the worst to you? Debe decidir cambiar el odio a uno mismo por el amor propio.
This love must be unconditional – debes amarte a ti mismo pase lo que pase. You need to love yourself despite your flaws and things you don’t like about yourself. Only when you get there can you start treating yourself like a loved one.
Treat yourself how you’d treat a beloved friend if they were in the same situation as you are now.
3. Hablar con un terapeuta
Lo que parece autocompasión a veces puede ser depresión clínica.
Visitar a un psicoterapeuta puede ser justo el descanso que necesita, si este es el caso o no. Si está deprimido, le darán medicación que puede ser profundamente útil en poco tiempo y le remitirán a counseling, which is absolutely necessary when you’re depressed.
If you aren’t, talking to a professional is still incredibly helpful for your mental health and will jump-start your journey of moving away from self-pity,
4. Afronta tus sentimientos
Bad things happen to everyone, but when you feel like there’s no end to them, falling into a pit of despair is easy. You ask yourself, “Why me? Why is it all happening to you? Why can’t you be happier, healthier, taller, smarter, different?”
Estos feelings that you don’t deserve to be happy – self-doubt, envy, feeling sorry for yourself, shame – are still your feelings, and you can’t ignore them. Feel them fully and understand them, and then you’ll be able to deal with them.
5. Fomentar la autoestima
La baja autoestima puede ser tanto la causa como el efecto de la autocompasión, provocando un círculo vicioso del que parece no haber escapatoria. Puedes romper el ciclo eligiendo dejar de centrarte en lo negativo: las cosas malas que te han pasado y las malas opiniones que tienes de ti mismo.
Aceptándote a ti mismo es como empiezas fomentar la confianza en uno mismo. It’s a long process, taking a day at a time, but it will completely change your outlook and how you live your life.
6. Toma las riendas de tu vida
Feeling like bad luck follows you is what makes you believe that your life isn’t under your control. Even so, you must decide that you still have choices. There’s always a choice, no matter how bad things get.
Puedes elegir cómo reaccionar: ¿te detienes o sigues adelante? En lugar de dejar que los sentimientos de autocompasión te detengan, trabaja para convertir tu lástima en compasión y motivación.
7. Deja de victimizarte
When something bad happens, do you just take it? It’s okay not to have the strength to fight back the way you want to, but una cosa que nunca debes hacer es aceptar que las cosas te pasan porque sí. Esto es mentalidad de víctima y no hace más que hacerte sentir impotente y perdido.
Your circumstances might be different than what you’d like them to be, but your life is your own, and you do have control over it.
8. Asumir la responsabilidad
When you decide that you’re done having things happen to you, you assume responsabilidad personal por tu vida. Things that happen don’t determine who you are and how you should live – you’re the only one who does.
To take responsibility means to stop blaming, expecting, and enduring. It means to begin doing, changing, and moving. It’s liberating, and once you choose to make your own decisions and stand behind them, you won’t go back to wallowing in self-pity.
9. Haz cosas que te den una sensación de logro
To feel happy, people need a sense of joy and a sense of accomplishment in their lives. When you’re not feeling okay, both of these might seem like a distant dream, but you can do it.
Start small and do something good for yourself today that you didn’t do yesterday. Finish any task, no matter how easy, and for now, that’s enough. Do it every day until you feel like you can accomplish more, and soon, those good things will become a habit. Sigue adelante y avanza.
10. Haz cosas que te den alegría
Cómo levantar el ánimo cuando nada te da alegría? Cuando parezca que nada puede hacerte feliz, busca la chispa más pequeña. Encuentra la forma de sentir algún tipo de bienestar y hazlo con regularidad.
Maybe pampering yourself won’t make you happy, but it feels good. Playing with a pet or a child can put a smile on your face. Talking to a loved one, listening to your favorite song, taking a walk, or anything that seems like it should make you happy might not do it right now, but keep doing them.
Even if you believe that these little things aren’t doing anything, they are – you just need to let yourself feel it.
11. Ayudar a otras personas
Calling someone less fortunate isn’t helpful because to everyone, their own struggle is the hardest. Still, Ayudar a otras personas con sus problemas desplaza tu perspectiva de tus propios problemas.
When you do things for others, you feel like you’re part of something bigger than yourself. Making someone’s life a little easier is its own reward, but it also helps you feel connected to others and shifts the focus from yourself.
12. Afronta tus problemas de uno en uno
You can’t solve everything that’s bothering you at once and magically become a new version of yourself. Things, unfortunately, don’t work that way. You must, however, start somewhere.
Un problema menos significa más de lo que crees. By dealing with what bothers you one at a time, the list gets shorter. Think about it this way: in a year’s time, do you want things to be the same or better?
13. Learn to accept what you can’t change
You already know that you should let go of things, but how can you do that when you’re still feeling the effects? Te dejas llevar haciendo todo lo posible por mejorar las cosas, entonces accepting that there are some things you can’t change.
This doesn’t mean that you should be complacent and accept everything but that you should do the best you can with what you have and work on the things that can be different.
14. Practicar la fortaleza
Bottling up your feelings isn’t what being strong is about. Feel your pain, disappointment, sense of inadequacy, but then choose to be positive – this is qué significa ser fuerte.
Estar en contacto con tu mente y tus sentimientos, y luego hacer todo lo posible con lo que tienes es duro. Rendirse y sucumbir a la autocompasión es más fácil, pero duele más. Choose today to do something good with your life, and tomorrow, you’ll be better. Cuanto más practiques, más fácil te resultará.
15. Entender qué es realmente la fuerza de voluntad
People who accomplish something that seems unreachable are praised for their willpower, but do you really know what that means? Willpower isn’t going against what you want – it’s the opposite: it’s finding the strength to do something difficult because you want it so much.
Once you decide that you want to stop wallowing in self-pity and change your life, you’ll be able to do it. Cuando realmente quieres algo, hacer lo que sea para conseguirlo es fácil.
16. Reconocer el pensamiento negativo
When you think negative thoughts regularly, they become part of you, and you don’t realize that this is what they are. Aprende a identificar los pensamientos negativos para poder frenarlos en seco.
Los pensamientos negativos aparecen en tu mente por sí solos e influyen en tu comportamiento. They’re not helpful and hold you back. Aprende a reconocerlos y a desafiarlos.
17. Encontrar un sentido de gratitud
La autocompasión puede ser autoindulgente. There’s a comfort in helplessness and blaming the world that can give you a sense of validation, but it only hurts you.
Instead of focusing on everything that’s gone wrong, choose to feel grateful for the good things. There’s always something that you have that you’re taking for granted. Cuenta tus bendiciones y sé agradecido. Esta perspectiva positiva puede cambiar tu vida a mejor.
18. Aprender a adaptarse
What about the things you don’t like and can’t change? Once you accept them, you must learn to work with what you have. Adaptarse a las circunstancias es la única forma de crecer.
Clinging to the things you’re unhappy about only brings more unhappiness. Cuando eliges cómo reaccionar ante las cosas que te ocurren, las decepciones pueden convertirse en oportunidades.
19. Vivir el presente
Quedarse atascado en el pasado y darle vueltas a las cosas que pasaron sólo te frena. Elegir vivir el aquí y el ahora es lo que necesitas para seguir adelante. Don’t let the past rob you of your present and future.
Practicar la atención plena para centrarse en el momento presente. Céntrate en las cosas que son, no en las que solían ser y en las que podrían ser.
20. Elegir avanzar
If you‘ve gone through all the tips, you’ve learned one thing: tú haces tu propio camino. Life doesn’t happen to you – you’re the one who makes your own choices. So choose to move forward.
Embrace change and realize that you’re in control. Be kind and patient with yourself, but show yourself love by doing what’s best for you, and that’s deciding to stop wallowing in self-pity.
En resumen
Para dejar de revolcarte en la autocompasión y encontrar la validación que necesitas en otra parte, tienes que aprender a quererte a ti mismo y demostrar ese amor de todas las formas necesarias. When you love someone, you’ll do things that are good for them, no matter how difficult and unpleasant they might be.
When you feel love and compassion for yourself, you’ll understand why self-pity only hurts you and do your best to move on.
