4th Date Meaning
For a lot of people, the third date is the charm, right? It is the date on which the “something more” usually happens – the date everyone thinks they should pay attention to.
However, according to some of the best dating experts, date number four is actually the crucial one, even though it’s seriously underrated.
On the first, second and third date, you and your potential partner have already reached a certain level, so now you are comfortable enough to tackle some more serious issues and can determine the future of your relationship.
Basically, the 4th date can impact the rest of your relationship and whether things between you and this other person will even keep on going or not. Well, that’s why we’re here – to assist you by giving you the most useful pieces of advice for this crucial date, which will help you do everything right.
10 Fourth Date Tips And Tricks
There are some tips and tricks that’ll help you prepare yourself for this significant evening, if you just follow them carefully. Here are 10 of them:
Stop playing hard to get
Let’s face it, a lot of people have a habit of playing some mind games in the beginning of a new relationship with someone.
And that’s not something you should be ashamed of – as long as you don’t exaggerate and have good intentions.
When you go out on a first date with a new person, it’s natural for you to examine the field before letting yourself go all the way in.
The last thing you want is to appear too desperate and available, so you pretend to have more than one option open.
This way, you aim to become more interesting for your potential partner; you want them to fight harder for you.
However, according to most date tips, the 4th date is the time you should put an end to this and stop playing hard to get.
It’s more than obvious that the other person is interested in you, so there’s no point in pretending not to give a damn about them.
In fact, this kind of behavior might just chase your potential partner away. They’ll think of you as an immature brat who doesn’t know what they want and probably run for the hills.
Instead, the fourth date is the date in which you should be more direct about your feelings and emotions.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re male or female – this is the time for you to show initiative.
But don’t be too pushy either
However, being too demanding or too pushy might be counterproductive as well.
I know that you’re probably head over heels for this obviously special person and that you want them to know this badly, but you don’t want to scare them away with your behavior either.
Always keep in mind that there’s a possibility of them not feeling the same way or not being attracted to you with the same intensity, so make sure to hold back a notch.
It’s crucial to find some balance: Be open about your desires but don’t act too desperate.
Use your body language to show the other person you like them, or simply tell them you’re into them and would like for this situationship to grow into a relationship in the future.
That said, avoid big love declarations and grand romantic gestures because you’ll just look like an inexperienced creep who falls desperately in love after only three dates.
Follow the date tip that advises you to be frank about your emotions yet not so open about their intensity.
Be clear about your intentions and wishes, but don’t make the other person feel like you’re forcing them to accept whatever arrangement you had planned.
What’s important is to pay close attention to everything the other person is telling and not telling you.
Observe the signals they’re sending you and try to figure out whether they like you back enough to try something more.
Respect their personal boundaries and don’t invade their space unless you see they’re comfortable with it. Don’t be too shy yet don’t push them beyond their limits either.
Up until now, most of the conversation between you and this person was small talk. You probably talked about the weather or shared some basic information about each other.
However, now is the time to take everything to the next level. This is the date where you should decide about the direction in which your relationship is going, if you want to know where you stand in the future.
Are you two exclusive and do you both want a serious relationship? Or you are seeing other people and is this just a hookup?
If you’re someone who isn’t into casual hookups and meaningless affairs, and are looking for something serious, this is the time to come clean about it.
Don’t worry, you won’t appear as too needy or pathetic for talking about your attitudes and principles straightforwardly.
Instead, the other person will see that you’re not someone they can play with as they please.
They’ll see that you know what you want from life and aren’t afraid to get it. And that is something everyone appreciates and respects.
Of course, you shouldn’t give an ultimatum directly or threaten to break up with them before actually starting anything, but you’ll make things pretty clear and see whether they want the same by the direction of the conversation.
If you both are interested in making this official and turning this into a labelled relationship, now is the time to set some ground rules.
Don’t make this entire conversation feel like a business arrangement. Simply talk about both of your preferences: what type of relationships you enjoy, what things you tolerate in a relationship, your most important dealbreakers…
Of course, nobody can predict the future and guarantee that you two will succeed, but having this kind of conversation can give you a bigger picture and help you realize whether or not you’re compatible.
It’s possible that you both, for example, want a relationship but define a serious relationship differently.
Or maybe you just have completely opposite views when it comes to romance in general and conclude that you’re not cut for each other, despite the strong vibe and chemistry that clearly exists.
Make it less formal
When you meet someone new, you want to leave the best possible impression – there’s nothing unusual about that.
It’s not that you’re pretending to be someone you’re actually not, you’re just wrapping your imperfections in a shiny paper and showing them the best version of your personality.
Nevertheless, when you reach the 4th date, it is time to start taking your masks off and showing the realer version of yourself.
Be more relaxed and show this person you’re comfortable around them.
Actually, the entire fourth date doesn’t have to be as formal as the first date, second date or a third date.
You don’t have to necessarily end things with a fancy dinner; you two can take a walk in the park in your sweatpants or even hit the pool.
After all, if this is the person you plan on entering a relationship with, they also have to be introduced to your flaws.
On the other hand, if you still don’t feel comfortable enough around them, it may be a red flag and bad sign that something isn’t working.
You see, we all feel nervous when we’re meeting someone new.
We pay special attention to every little detail of our behavior and sometimes even unconsciously hide some of our traits.
Nevertheless, this awkwardness should be gone by the date number four.
By now, you guys should be more relaxed in front of each other because you’ve already been hanging out for some time and the tense atmosphere should be a thing of the past.
But don’t relax too much
However, what a lot of people don’t know is that this doesn’t mean that now you’re allowed to let yourself loose completely.
Yes, they should see that you’re only human, but let them discover your personality layer by layer; don’t reveal your dirtiest secrets right away.
Naturally, this doesn’t mean that it’s acceptable to, for example, fart or be rude in any other way on the fourth date.
Despite everything, it’s still your job to put an effort into at least being decent-looking and showing some basic manners.
Don’t spend the entire evening texting someone else, don’t be late, and don’t do anything else which might be seen as a sign of disrespect towards your date.
Don’t talk about sex too much and don’t make dirty jokes or inappropriate comments.
The 4th date is not an opportunity to behave as you please or to start talking nonsense and saying the first thing that comes to mind out loud.
Remember: You still have a lot of work at hand when it comes to winning this person over.
So if you consider your job done just because you guys reached the fourth date, think again and get your act together!
The last thing you want is for them to think that you were deceiving them all along and just waiting until the 4th date to show your true colors.
What could be even worse is your date thinking that you’ve started taking them for granted in this early stage of your relationship, which would without a doubt come as a huge turn-off for anyone.
Ask some deep questions
According to most date rules, date number four is where your convos should become more serious.
It’s not enough to spend the entire time casually hanging out, talking about your hobbies, everyday activities, and preferences anymore.
Now’s the time to take things to the next level – to dig a little deeper and start asking more personal questions, which will help you get to the bottom of this person sitting next to you.
Who are they for real, underneath all those clothes and politeness?
What was their childhood like? How did it shape them?
What’s their family like? Are they close or just on decent terms?
What’s their dream job? Are they content with the current state of their career or do they hope to make some crucial difference?
Who are their closest friends? What does friendship mean to them and how much are they ready to sacrifice for its sake?
What are your date’s life goals and plans for the future? What are their biggest aspirations, desires and ambitions?
What are their wildest dreams and deepest fears?
What’s the one thing they like about themselves the most and the thing they’d change about their appearance or personality, if they had the chance to?
Who do they admire and why? What human qualities do they appreciate the most?
You don’t have to bomb them with each one of these fourth date questions right away.
After all, you don’t want this date to turn into a business interview or a police interrogation.
However, you should be skillful enough to incorporate at least some of these questions in your conversations, if you want to get to know your potential partner better.
Each answer can give you a better insight into their personality and help you create a deeper bond between you two.
Besides, you can tell much about this person by the way they react to your questions.
Are they completely open and eager to give you the answers, or do they change the subject as soon as things become too personal?
Are they the type who doesn’t mind sharing details of their life with you? Do they trust you enough to let you all the way in?
Or does it appear as if they’re hiding something? Does it seem that they’ve built thick walls around them and don’t plan on allowing anyone to tear them down?
When it comes to this meaningful conversation, it’s up to you not to be too nosy.
Show interest in their personality, but if you see that they’d rather avoid some topics, respect their privacy and don’t push them into talking about something they wish to keep for themselves.
Sleeping together is not mandatory
Almost all of the best dating experts will tell you that the 4th date is a big deal.
And I’m not talking about defining things here only, but about the fact that this is the date on which most couples have sex together for the first time.
However, please don’t forget that you’re never mandated to do anything you’re not 100% comfortable doing and sure about.
Besides, just because most people tend to do something in a certain period of time, it doesn’t make it a fourth date date rule you’re obligated to blindly obey.
Don’t feel as if you’re leading the other person on, even if you two made out the on the third date or have been texting about it but now you still don’t want to get laid.
All of us have a different pace when it comes to these things and nobody is allowed to tell for how long it’s okay to wait.
Forget about having sex just to please the other person and sleeping with them because you’re afraid of appearing old-fashioned.
If you see that they’re insisting (which can be considered a red flag) or if they just ask you to their place, be honest and ask them to wait.
Respect your boundaries and demand your partner to do the same. And if they refuse, it only means they’re not the one for you.
But if you want to have sex, go for it
However, if you both feel like having sex, go for it. Don’t be scared of being too easy.
Don’t think about who will make the first move. Just follow your gut.
Nevertheless, don’t allow the physical attraction and the chemistry to be the only criteria, especially if you plan to keep on seeing this person.
Is this someone you’d also enjoy cuddling and waking up next to the morning after?
Are they taking advantage of you just to get into your pants? Are you doing this because you see it as a way to keep them by your side?
Once you think all of these things through and decide that having sex is the right choice, try to sense their vibe and be attentiveto their body language. Do they appear to have the same desire as you?
When you two hook up, make sure you’re not selfish in bed and pay attention to their needs as well.
However, don’t be scared to point out the things you’d enjoy being done differently – don’t forget about your pleasure either.
Also, remember that this is your first time together, so don’t expect perfection. It’s possible that you two may be clumsy or too nervous, and if that happens, don’t see it as a bad sign. Don’t write them off immediately; keep on trying until you make things better.
When it comes to your kinky side, don’t reveal your deepest fantasies right away.
Instead, check your sexual compatibility and try finding out slowly whether you two are into similar things in the bedroom.
The most important thing is to follow your instincts and try not to overthink once you make this decision.
Just do your best to make this experience as enjoyable as possible for both of you and put your maximum effort into it.
Talk about your romantic histories
Among other things, the 4th date is also when a couple usually starts the convo about their love life pasts.
If you two talk about entering a new relationship, it’s natural to also speak about your romantic histories because they can reveal a lot about the way someone is as a partner.
This doesn’t mean that you have to go into the deepest details of your past relationships. This date shouldn’t be about your exes.
However, it’s good to know how long their most important relationships lasted, the most common reasons for their breakups and the type of people they dated in the past.
When the last time was that both of you were in a real relationship and how it ended.
Do they have a habit of staying friends with their exes or usually cut all ties? Are they the jealous type?
Are they usually the ones making the first move or do they expect the other person to do most of the work?
Besides helping you find out more about your date, these questions can also be a way for you to see whether you’re dealing with someone who has emotional baggage that might ruin your potential relationship.
Have they really broken all bonds with their past or are you in fact nothing but a rebound?
Is there a special ex you should feel intimidated by? Do they have some regrets regarding their past and how did it shape them into becoming the people they’re today?
When it comes to you talking about your former relationships, make sure to give just the necessary information.
You don’t want your date to assume you miss your ex and can’t help but go on and on about them.
Also, don’t talk trash about your past partners and don’t mention any personal details about their lives.
Remember that these were your choices and therefore, if you spit on them, you’d be spitting on yourself too.
Make it a fun date
Most importantly, make sure to make this and every other evening a fun date.
Yes, consider it important, as it really is, but don’t spend the entire evening analyzing your partner’s every word and move.
If you need some advice and fourth date ideas, just think of everything you found out about your partner so far.
If you can’t think of anything and you’ve met through Tinder, Bumble or some other online dating app, go back to their dating profile to remind yourself of their preferences and interests, and that’ll definitely help you plan a good date.
Whatever fourth date idea you choose, make sure for it to be a longer activity and if possible, arrange for you and your partner to spend the entire day together.
For example, go on a road trip or come up with a series of date ideas that lasts the whole day.