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80 Funny Things To Say To A Narcissist And Bruise Their Ego

80 Funny Things To Say To A Narcissist And Bruise Their Ego

Narcissists are difficult people to deal with. In general, people with narcissistic personality disorder are self-centered and have a lack of empathy, which is why it seems so easy for them to hurt everyone around them.

If you want to shut down a narcissist, it’s their ego you should be aiming at. On that note, I’ve found the most clever and funny things to say to a narcissist online and compiled them in this collection.

I hope this hilarious comeback list will help you bring your narcissist back down to earth once and for all. However, I’m sure they’ll instantly engage in self-defense, so be ready for an insulting comeback from their side too.

Funny Things To Say To A Narcissist

handsome man looking at mirror

Use these funny comebacks and silence your narcissist for good!

1. No sponge in the world could beat your abilities of self-absorption.

2. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

3. I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies. How silly of me.

4. Sorry you feel that way. Let me buy you a nice cup of get over it.

5. I’m sorry. I must have mistaken you for someone who actually cares.

6. You must be really proud of yourself!

7. Keep rolling your eyes. You might eventually find a brain.

8. Did my self-absorption get in the way of yours?

9. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

10. Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?

11. Please, keep talking. I only yawn when I’m super fascinated.

12. You must be exhausted from all that ego-lifting.

13. Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

14. Yeah, let’s ignore everything I said and talk about you more.

15. Someday you’ll go far, and I really hope you stay there.

16. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.

17. I’m sure you’re the best at everything you do!

18. Yeah, sorry for forgetting I only exist when you want something.

19. You’re so full of yourself – it’s amazing you don’t float away!

20. Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor.

21. I’m sorry. I must have forgotten that you’re an expert on everything.

22. I bet you love hearing yourself talk!

23. Why did you cross the road? You must have thought it was a boundary.

24. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

25. Unless your name is Google, don’t act like you know everything.

26. Unfortunately, narcissism is not a crime, so you’re free to go.

27. You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.

28. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was all about you.

29. Feed your ego yourself. I am busy doing important things.

30. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.

Short Funny Comebacks For Narcissists

smiling man looking at distance outdoor

1. Hit the brakes, speedy.

2. Where’s your off button?

3. Wow, you must be really special!

4. You’d leave if I threw a stick, right?

5. Wow, I bet you even fart glitter!

6. It’s not all about you.

7. Narcissism is a disease. Get well soon.

8. Have a nice day – somewhere else.

What To Say To A Narcissist To Shut Them Down: The Best Examples

For self-centered and self-absorbed people like your narcissist, these comebacks are silent killers. They won’t immediately show that your words have affected them, but have a little patience because they won’t be able to hide it for too long.

1. I’m no astronomer, but I’m sure the earth revolves around the sun, not you.

2. You live life like it’s all about you. Why do you think you’re alone?

3. Well, I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

4. Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.

5. I guess if you actually ever spoke your mind, you’d really be speechless.

6. Thanks for reminding me why nobody likes you. I almost forgot.

7. I think you might be overestimating your importance here.

8. So, if I typed “smartass” into Google, would your picture come up?

9. Oh boy, you are never there for us because since everything is run by the presence of your grace, you simply do not have time for other people.

10. Oh, I’m sorry. I must have misunderstood you. I thought you said something intelligent.

11. If you live your life like everything is about you, you will be left with just that: just you.

12. A pretty face is nothing if you have an ugly heart.

13. That’s an interesting perspective. Now how about we focus on reality for a moment?

See also: 130 Hilariously Good Comebacks To Silence All The Haters

How Can You Insult A Narcissist? Good Comebacks

smiling man with glasses typing on the mobile phone

If you really want to hurt and make your narcissist fear you, here is a list of great insulting comebacks for them. 

I’m sure that they’ll show their true colors, and you’ll feel their strong narcissistic rage afterward, but fear not because the most important thing is that they can’t hurt you in any way.

1. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you repeat it slower and louder? I want to make sure I understand what an idiot you’re being.

2. You know what your problem is? You don’t know you are the problem.

3. Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of trash. Oh, sorry, did that hurt your inflated ego?

4. I have met some pricks in my time, but you, sir, are a cactus!

5. Sorry, I don’t understand a thing you say. I don’t speak bullsh*t.

6. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?

7. I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.

8. The jerk store called… they’re running out of you.

9. Aaaand that’s why no one likes you.

10. Brains aren’t everything; in your case, they’re nothing.

11. Clean your mouth. There is still some trash around your lips.

12. Get over yourself. Not everyone wants to be in your shoes.

13. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

14. Can you repeat that because I want to remember the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard?

15. I’m sorry, I don’t speak douchebag.

16. You’re so ugly that when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.

17. If I wanted to listen to an ass, I’d fart.

18. What a big ego you have!

19. You sound better with your mouth closed.

Narcissist Quotes Funny

smiling man talking with woman in the office

After these funny and clever comebacks, I’ll leave you a few hilarious quotes about narcissists. You can share them on your social media, and don’t worry, your narcissist will immediately understand your post is meant for them, and the result will be the same: their ego will be stroked. 😈

1. “A little narcissism is good. At least that’s what I am telling myself.” ― Andy Dunn

2. “A narcissist’s criticism is their autobiography.” ― M. Wakefield

3. “There’s a thin line between narcissism, even if it’s a healthy narcissism, and entertainment.” ― Richard Lewis

4. “Gape long enough into a looking glass, and you’ll eventually see beauty. The same can be said of self-analysis, and as soon as one apes oneself, a second monkey is born.” ― Anthony Marais

5. “I’m battling with keeping my narcissism at bay as it is, so Twitter was not a good thing for that.” ― Joel Kinnaman

6. “Narcissus does not fall in love with his reflection because it is beautiful but because it is his. If it were his beauty that enthralled him, he would be set free in a few years by its fading.” ― W.H. Auden

7. “Are you a flying monkey? Be careful. Don’t get caught up in a narcissist’s mind games.” ― Mitta Xinindlu

8. “I don’t care what you think unless it is about me.” ― Kurt Cobain

9. “Narcissism is voluntary blindness, an agreement not to look beneath the surface.” — Sam Keen

10. “It is especially painful when narcissists suffer memory loss because they are losing parts of the person they love most.” ― David Brooks

How Do You Make A Narcissist Miserable?

worried man standing by the open window

First of all, you need to get under a narcissist’s skin. The best and safest way to do that is by simply ignoring them. It’ll be difficult for sure because they’ll do absolutely anything to provoke you and get a certain reaction from you.

For constant validation and attention seekers like narcissists, ignoring them is the worst type of punishment. They simply can’t stand the fact they aren’t the center of everyone’s attention.

The next thing you can do is break up with them suddenly and go no contact with them. Your silent treatment will destroy them because they are used to giving it to others, not the other way around.

No matter what they do, don’t let it touch you. They may pretend they’ve changed and be very convincing, but if you fall for their trap, you’ll find yourself in their narcissistic claws again.

Final Thoughts

These funny things to say to a narcissist will help you shut down your narcissist forever. It’s also one of the ways to outsmart them because they probably think you could never hurt their ego that way.

This is the perfect opportunity to punish and pay them back for all the gaslighting, damage to your mental health, and narcissistic abuse.

Make your narcissist feel small with these savage comebacks. You might think that some of these things are too much, but when you think back on all the things narcissist said to you, you’ll understand they do indeed deserve it.

If you’re obligated to keep them in your life for some reason, be very careful around your narcissist. Don’t ever allow anyone to mess with your peace of mind, and get rid of everyone and everything that affects and damages your quality of life.