I think it’s a curse to fixate on guys who are not good for us and yet we do it.
The question is, why don’t we leave when we notice somebody is toxic to us?
Why can’t we pack our things and go? This would save so much of our time and would spare us so many sleepless nights or the nights we’re crying ourselves to sleep.
When we first meet a toxic person who everybody’s warned us about, we get blinded by their attention directed toward us, and we think we’re special because out of all the people, they’ve chosen to like us.
It’s such a privilege, there must be something amazing about us!
The only thing that’s amazing is how naive we can be to think we’re actually something special when, in fact, we’re food for the worst human predators ever.
And although they’re withdrawn emotionally, we stay and keep waiting for them to open up to us because we think we will be the one to change them.
But again, being this naive can only get us broken even though in the beginning we were hoping to be heroes.
Girls who fall for bad boys get addicted to the highs and lows in relationships.
We get intoxicated by the feelings that a toxic relationship awakens in us and this might answer the question of why we aren’t leaving.
With our tendency toward dating bad boys, we don’t give up easily. We stay and we fight harder instead of leaving. And in doing so, narcissistic people strengthen our addiction with their mistreatment.
It seems the higher level of pain, the more clingy we become.
Narcissists ‘lovebomb’ their victims in the beginning.
Don’t be mistaken—every single one of them does it.
We fall for their ‘you-are-my-soulmate’ story. They all make a good impression at first and we often (and more than we should), believe the story they sell us about themselves.
They pretend to have pure intentions and they do make us feel special in the beginning. But none of this lasts long.
When it comes to narcissists, there is no talking about their previous relationships and if there is, you can easily notice their history of fast-moving, overlapping, and toxic relationships.
A red flag is being waved all over the place but only if you pay attention.
Eventually, people tend to see through them and it’s easy to notice shallow and disingenuous emotions, but in most cases, it’s when it is way too late.
Narcissistic people make their victims feel less worthy.
No person who feels good about herself would stay with a narcissist.
This is something narcissistic people are very aware of and that’s why they’re quick to make their victims feel less worthy.
They are quick to put others down and point out every single flaw we have when, at the same time, they see themselves in absolutely positive terms.
It’s their way to feel superior—they need to make everybody less worthy. That’s how they feed their egos since they consider themselves as God’s ultimate creations.
They don’t take criticism very well and that might be one reason they undermine people.
They need to have broken people around them who can’t think for themselves and who will dim their voices—that’s the main reason they put people down.
And once we’re under the constant influence of being told how we are not good enough or how they’re superior and how we should be lucky someone like them wants to be with someone like us, we start believing this.
We get addicted to this idea that someone who’s better than us actually wants to be with us and we stay. We stay even when we know we should be running for our lives.
All narcissists make their victims feel scared.
If we weren’t scared of anything, how could narcissistic people stick their claws into us?
They couldn’t, so they need to create this fear in us in order to be able to gain control over us.
We are afraid of losing them. We’re afraid we’ll never find anyone better than them.
The truth is they sell themselves so well to others, constantly bragging and pointing out their achievements, mostly over-exaggerating everything. The worst part is, even they believe in their lies.
They’ve reached the professional level of being a liar to the point where they manage to convince themselves of their lies.
We tend to see them better than they really are and with time, we develop the idea that they are the best of what’s out there.
That’s why we’re scared to lose them or let them go. And that’s why we put up with being mistreated all the time.
“Relationships with narcissists are held in place by the hope of a ‘someday better,’ with little evidence to support it will ever arrive.” – Ramani Durvasula
Somebody needs to break it to you—dating a narcissist won’t give you superpowers.
You can’t tame the beast. The ‘someday better’ will never arrive so therefore, you better quit investing yourself in that relationship.
“The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside.” – Sam Vaknin
The bottom line is that we need to take off our rose-colored glasses and see other people’s truth.
If they’re bad and if they show clear patterns of being narcissists, we need to stop being so naive and we need to stop believing that we will be the one to change them. Because narcissists don’t want to change, to begin with.
How could they, when they don’t see themselves as toxic?
Nobody in this world could make them believe there is something wrong with them.
In case we still want to be heroes, then we should save ourselves and walk away the minute we meet someone who shows patterns of narcissism. Because that’s the only right thing to do.