A few years ago, Why do guys change after you sleep with them? was the million-dollar question to me until I learned how a man’s brain functions.
If you’re going through the same thing at the moment, it probably looks something like this:
You went on a first date a long time ago and you enjoyed it with every fiber of your being.
He acted like a real gentleman, you held hands, he kissed you goodnight and he remembered to text you or call you after that or the next day.
You spent a great amount of time exchanging your deepest thoughts and fears and you felt like there was electricity in the air every time he touched you.
Over time, that electricity evolved into more bonding, a strong emotional connection and touching and that was when you decided it was time to get between the sheets.
In your mind, you couldn’t think of a single thing that could go wrong because it was evident that you liked each other a lot and things could only get better after your bodies were finally intertwined.
Or could they?
Regardless of whether you’ve been dating for a while now, if it is a casual romance or a one-night stand, there’s an equal chance that a guy might change after you sleep with him.
Needless to mention that this is every girl’s BIGGEST fear and for a reason!
I mean, you trusted him and you expected that his efforts would turn into something more meaningful after the deed. The last thing you expected to happen was him pulling away from you.
The first thing that instantly came into your mind was probably: “He was only interested in one thing and that was getting into my pants.”
Sometimes this is the only truth but not exclusively.
There are many reasons why a guy would suddenly change after you sleep with him and some of them are not what you might have expected or ever thought about.
8 Possible Reasons Why A Guy Changes After You Sleep With Him For The First Time
A cocktail of hormones changed his brain
Yup. After you sleep with someone, your brain changes due to a cocktail of hormones.
These powerful chemicals like oxytocin are responsible for feeling more drawn to the person you slept with and feeling an ultimate bonding with them.
In other words, these chemicals make you feel like you want more and more.
You want to spend your whole day cuddling with them, feeling their body next to yours and just being. Your emotions, lust and feelings all combine into one.
A cocktail of hormones is a powerful mixture that can sometimes make us feel confused.
Perhaps this is exactly what was going on in the guy’s mind after you slept with him and as a result, he got scared or confused.
New feelings and sensations forced him to pull away, leaving you wondering: Why do guys change after you sleep with them? Well, perhaps the answer is right in front of you.
All he wanted was to get into your pants (and nothing more or less)
One of the most common reasons why men lose interest after you sleep with them is because all they wanted was to get into your pants and nothing more or less.
Needless to say, this is one of the most annoying and frustrating things women have to deal with on a daily basis.
It’s really hard to accept the fact that he courted you and made a serious effort for so long just because he wanted one thing.
Basically, by doing all that, he made you believe that he wanted something more, so you reciprocated (assuming you wanted more as well), only to end up feeling disappointed.
If any of you guys are reading this, remember that this is one of the most cowardly things to do.
If you’re only interested in one thing, then let the girl know (especially if you know that she might be interested in something more).
Don’t be a player because the world is already full of them. Make a difference. Be different. Also, remember that one day a girl might do the same thing to you.
A lack of chemistry between the two of you
Chemistry is one of the most important things when it comes to relationships and dating in general. It’s that feeling of intense attraction (both mentally and physically) toward another human being.
It’s when your bodies start talking to each other and every touch turns into a little, invisible firework.
Sometimes it’s hard to decipher whether you have chemistry or not and you can know it after you sleep with that one person.
So, if a guy sees that you aren’t really a match (that there’s no real chemistry between the two of you), he might change afterward.
Recently, when I was with a guy I’ve known for years, he told me to put my hand (hover) over his without touching him.
When I did, I felt a warm, intense sensation and he told me that this was a sign of being a match.
Truth be told, I think he’s right about it and time will tell for sure.
He’s feeling overwhelmed or scared
Remember what we said about a cocktail of hormones? Now, imagine that the guy you are dating has trust issues or a fear of commitment. Can you assume what is likely to happen after you sleep with him?
Chances are he will start feeling overwhelmed or totally scared. The reason why he might start feeling this way is because of his underlying trust or commitment issues.
When the happy chemical oxytocin convinces him that he really likes that one lady and it’s more than a hookup, he will literally freeze for a moment and start thinking about how he got there in the first place.
He will either run for his life from you or act in a confused manner. One day, he will be all loving and caring and the next, he will act like he barely knows you.
If you notice this pattern, then you know the reason why he changed is because he’s feeling overwhelmed or scared of ‘something more’.
He’s feeling pressured
Another valid reason why a guy might change all of a sudden is due to feeling pressured.
This is when you’re ready for a serious relationship and he’s still trying to figure out his feelings and what he wants exactly.
During that period, he might be acting utterly confusing (as stated in the previous sign) and as a result, you might lose your nerve and start forcing him to tell you what is going on.
If you do that, he will feel pressured, which will result in more confusion. Trust me on one thing, when a man is feeling pressured to do something, he will seriously think about not doing it.
This goes for both men and women actually. If someone forces us to do something, in 99% of cases, we will act like little children, refusing to do as they told us.
Cats, children and adults have that one thing in common.
If your guy is feeling pressured to enter into a relationship with you, he will no longer be the same man as he used to be before you slept with him.
He will change into a guy who seldom ever calls or texts you. He will turn into an enigma.
He doesn’t want to give you the wrong idea
Why do guys change after you sleep with them? Another case scenario is the fear of giving you the wrong idea.
This is when a guy assumes that you might be head over heels in love with him and he’s not on the same page as you.
It’s when he’s into something short-term while you’re aiming for a long-term, committed relationship.
He knows that if he continues sleeping with you, you will feel more drawn to him and at one point you will demand him to tell you what is going on in his head.
If a guy knows that he’s not interested in something serious at the time, he will withdraw. He will stop initiating contact and you will start overthinking everything.
Or he will continue seeing you but he will act differently and you will know that there’s something fishy going on. And if you ask him to tell you about it, he will make excuses, lie or something else.
However he responds, you will be the one losing your mind over it and he will be the one knowing everything and still refusing to tell you openly and honestly.
Shout out to those guys who actually find the courage and tell the girl everything from day one!
You’re assuming things
I know that this is probably the last thing on your list of reasons of why guys change after you sleep with them but sometimes it’s the truth. We women tend to assume things before they even happen.
This is not necessarily a bad thing because in this way, you’re always prepared for every possible case scenario but sometimes it can turn your life into a living hell.
If you’re constantly repeating in your head the following: When you sleep with a guy for the first time, everything changes, then you will start believing it even when it’s not true.
Assuming things can be a really dangerous sport and worst of all is that you are your own opponent.
The guy you slept with has probably stayed the same as he used to be but you refuse to or you can’t see that because you’ve created your own personal truth.
See also: Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages
You’re the one who changed, not him
Another interesting analogy is that you’re the one who changed and not the guy you slept with. This happens due to the aforementioned brain chemicals that are released during the deed.
Women release more oxytocin than men, which means they tend to have an intense urge to bond during lovemaking. On the contrary, men are more pleasure-oriented.
Don’t get me wrong; both men and women feel pleasure during lovemaking but women are more prone to feeling the urge to bond with someone they sleep with.
So, chances are that you’re the one who changed after sleeping with that one guy and not him.
Now, this doesn’t mean that men are unable to bond. They can but the majority of them might just feel pleasure.
If you notice that he changed after sleeping with you, then this might be the case.
What To Do When A Guy Changes After You Sleep With Him
Here’s another million-dollar question: What to do when a guy changes after you sleep with him?
Driven by my past personal experiences and of those close to me, the first thing that a girl does is PANIC, after which comes the following:
She picks up the phone with an intention to tell him everything (we women know very well what EVERYTHING means). Sometimes, in the process, she changes her mind and realizes that she might be exaggerating things.
She delays the call and starts typing vigorously. Sometimes, she never sends the text because she knows it’s too long and no guy would ever want to read it.
After that, she calls a few friends of hers and vents about the whole situation.
When she realizes that no one can help her, she just stares at the ceiling, cursing the male population, their first date, his beautiful, mysterious eyes and everything else that has something to do with him.
Well, this is exactly what you SHOULDN’T do. You shouldn’t call him, beg him or stalk him on social media. What you should do is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
I know this is hard for you to accept as a legit solution but trust me, it’s the only logical and effective thing to do. Why?
Because when a guy changes, it means he needs some space and time to come to his senses, filter his feelings and realize what he wants. If you force him or nag him, you will make things even worse.
By leaving him alone for the time being, you’re letting him know that you’re not needy and you understand the situation.
If he doesn’t reciprocate, you won’t wait forever for him or question him because you have more important things to do in life.
And that’s EXACTLY how you’ll spot a player or a guy who’s scared or just has commitment issues.
8 Ways To Keep A Guy Interested After Sleeping With Him For The First Time
Stick around for some post-deed bonding
We often assume that guys are not emotional and they don’t need any kind of reassurance from women. But believe it or not, even men can get insecure from time to time.
To keep this from happening, remember to stick around for some cuddle time after lovemaking. If he’s scared of his feelings or commitment, this will help him overcome his fears.
He will see that you know what you’re doing and you’re not afraid of your feelings. This helps guys be more relaxed about their feelings as well.
Stay away from becoming needy or clingy
Remember to avoid calling him, texting him and in any other way demanding to tell you what is going on. He will interpret this as being needy or clingy, even if this is not really the case.
Distract yourself with other things to help you stop thinking about him. Go for a drink with your friends, upload a cute selfie, read a book, dance, sing.
Do whatever you need to feel better but DO NOT direct all your attention to one thing and that is worrying about why guys change after you sleep with them.
Compliment his performance
One sure-fire way to keep a guy interested after you sleep with him is by complimenting his performance. This is a huge booster for every guy’s ego and their self-esteem.
Since they are competitive creatures in every aspect of their life, you have no idea how happy and excited they will be if you accentuate their qualities and compliment their lovemaking performance.
They will probably even boast to their friends about it, just to make them jealous. I’m telling you, you can never go wrong with compliments.
Skip sleeping with him the next time you see him
No, I’m not saying that you should do this because he might assume that you’re a slut (God forbid). You should do this for other purposes and that is keeping him interested and I mean REALLY interested.
We all know that once a guy tries something he really likes, he will get addicted to it and he will want more. And do you know what happens when you don’t give him everything he wants that easily?
He craves it more!
You will be the only thing on his mind before he goes to sleep, when he wakes up and every second in-between. He will start working on improving his efforts, gentleman manners, appearance and everything else.
He will do everything in his power to deserve YOU at least one more time. Do you see the power you have over him when it comes to this method?
Also, if you’re more than a hookup, he won’t have problems waiting for you when you’re ready to do it again. That’s how you’ll know whether he changed after sleeping with you.
Tease, tease, tease!
Some of the most valuable dating advice for women I’ve ever received is the following: Teasing is the best spice of your love life.
Even though we often see teasing as a man’s job, this doesn’t mean women are excluded from the equation.
As a matter of fact, we women have so many tools at our disposal that can turn teasing into a true masterpiece, with which you will keep him interested for a long time after sleeping with him.
You can send him some creatively teasing pictures of yourself (they don’t need to be nudes), you can send a provocative text message, leave a naughty message in his pocket, you name it.
There are so many ways in which you can tease a guy and drive him wild and all you need to do is be creative. The more you do it, the more he will be thirsty for you.
There is no way he will withdraw or act confusingly at this point because he will be totally smitten by you both mentally and physically.
Just like teasing, impressing someone is also considered to be a man’s job but in reality, it is both a woman’s and a man’s job.
By impressing him with your skills, new dating ideas, outfits and similar, you are sending him the message that you have so much to offer and he hasn’t even seen half of it.
For example, you can arrange your fifth date someplace magical, prepare his favorite food and spice it up with some relaxing music.
Needless to say, he will be more than impressed when he sees how determined and creative you truly are.
This will make him stick to you like glue. He will never know what will happen next and this will keep things exciting and interesting in the long run.
You’re probably wondering what being consistent means in this context. Well, I’m not saying you should wear makeup 24/7 for him to see you as relationship material but you should strive to keep things exciting.
In other words, you shouldn’t fall into a routine where you’ll feel too casual to even brush your hair or buy a hot outfit. If not for him, you should do it for yourself.
Once he starts sticking to you like glue, you have to maintain it and you will succeed in doing so by being consistent.
Keep doing what you were doing when you noticed that he was falling for you and you’ll be just fine.
This is the key element when it comes to relationships as well. Becoming too casual might kill the initial spark you once had and that is when things start to go south, aka you falling into a rut.
Don’t overthink things
Don’t worry about whether he’s interested in being in a long-term relationship, if he’s a commitment freak or similar.
DO NOT overthink things because if you do, you will make things hard not only for him but for yourself as well.
The key to keeping him interested lies in pretending that you’re not interested. I know it sounds harsh but it’s the real truth. If I told you something else that you wanted to hear, you wouldn’t benefit from it.
Whatever happens, remember not to react on impulse (which includes constantly calling him, sending him a thousand text messages and you know the rest).
Remind yourself to breathe, stay calm and focus on other things.
And if you notice that something fishy is going on, you can always initiate a conversation where you’ll explain to him what’s bothering you in a calm manner.
Remember to relax and enjoy!
If you think he’s the wrong guy for you, don’t waste your precious time on him. Life is too short to worry about that one question: Why do guys change after you sleep with them?
Instead, you should enjoy every single second spent with someone you really like and someone who really likes you.
You deserve to be happy and to be with someone who is consistent and doesn’t pull away after you decide to sleep with him.
And trust me, there are still amazing guys out there who are sensual and caring when it comes to both dating and between the sheets.
There are still guys who won’t make you overthink things and wonder about whether you’ve done something wrong. I recently met one and you will too. All you need to do is stay patient.
See also: 5 Things To Do When He Pulls Away