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How To Approach A Guy Without Looking Desperate : 10 Steps To Success

How To Approach A Guy Without Looking Desperate : 10 Steps To Success

Let’s face it—most women avoid asking a guy out at all costs.

They think that it is a man’s job to make the initial step towards them, and as much as they like someone, they will rarely be the ones to make the first move

Well, let me tell you that approaching men is not something you should be afraid of.

Asking out a good looking guy you‘re into doesn’t make you desperate or pathetic. It makes you a modern woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it. 

However, if you want to do everything right, make sure to follow this step-by-step guide, and I promise you that this man will be all yours. 

1. Make sure he is single

Before you make any concrete moves towards this guy you like, firstly you need to be certain about his relationship status and find out more about his love life.

If he is taken (in any kind of relationship or married), he is off limits, no matter how much you like him  because the last thing you want to be is a homewrecker.

First and foremost, before you even flirt with him or use any pick up lines, check whether he is wearing a wedding ring.

Be careful about its traces as well (such as a ring tan line) because there are a lot of sneaky married men who try to hide the fact of their marital status by aking off their wedding rings when convenient.

Also, ask around about whether he is single or taken. If necessary, check his social media accounts because they can reveal a lot.

However, the fact that this guy is officially single doesn’t have to necessarily mean much.

Maybe he is not in a labelled relationship but isn’t emotionally available either.

Of course, you can’t know this for a fact, but you can try and ask around if you have some mutual friends or acquaintances.

You don’t want to chase a man with loads of emotional baggage or someone who is still in an on-and-off relationship with his ex.

Therefore, if you’re not positive that he really is one hundred percent single and available, maybe it would be wiser to wait a little longer before you approach him and until you’re completely sure about his status.

On the other hand, if you managed to find out everything you want to know, it is time for some concrete action.

2. Find a way to meet with him

Most women make one similar mistake when it comes to guys they low key like: they do literally nothing about it.

Instead, they just sit there patiently, waiting for this guy to magically notice them, to read their minds, to realize they’re into him, and finally, to like them back and win them over with his pick up lines and moves. 

Well, the truth is that things don’t really work out like that. After all, how can a man even form an opinion, let alone grow feelings for you, if you’re nowhere near his radar?

Maybe he would like you back if he knew you existed in the first place.

However, you’ll never know this as long as you expect him to find you under the rock where you keep hiding.

That is why the next step is quite crucial. It is time for you to make yourself visible for this man in any way possible so that he cannotice you and become aware of your existence and presence.

Of course, it would be the easiest if you could just say hello to him, introduce yourself, and start with some small talk.

However, you want to avoid this at all costs because you’re scared of chasing him away or coming on as too creepy.

So, you need to create a situation in which this meeting has to happen accidentally. It will be more than enough for this man to register you and to know who you are.

OK, this is easy when he is your coworker, a neighbor, someone you go to school with or see him when you hit the gym.

If this is the case, you just need to find a reason to start a conversation: you can ask him a simple question or ask him for a favor—to lend you a pen, to help you out with your task or to show you that difficult exercise you can’t seem to grasp.

However, when we’re talking about a guy you have nothing in common with (for example, a guy you see on the bus every day you when go back home from work or someone you keep spotting in the same club every Saturday night), things aren’t that simple.

That is why, in this case scenario, the best way to make him notice you is through your mutual friends or acquaintances–make sure you two get invited to the same event or have a group get-together.

3. Find out more about him

The next thing to do is to find out as much as you can about this man you’re infatuated with.

I’m not advising you to become obsessed with him, to stalk him or to suddenly start appearing everywhere he goes because that would only make you look like a lunatic.

I’m telling you to find out more about his hobbies, his taste in music and movies, his favorite sport, and other things he is interested in.

This doesn’t mean that you should pretend you have the same interests as him just to be more appealing to this guy, but if you do happen to have some things in common, great!

These are the things you can use to your advantage. 

These are all the facts about him that can make the two of you closer, and the facts which can help you find out more about the places and events he visits.

Also, this information will come in handy when you decide it is time to make the first move and approach him for real.

It would be great if someone could tell you something more about this man’s personality, as well—what his love life history is like and which type of girls he usually fancies.

Is he shy or outgoing? An introvert or an extrovert?

In addition, focus on what you can decide about his lifestyle just by looking at him from a safe distance. Is he a nerd or a fuckboy?

4. Look your best

Whether you like to admit it or not, men are visual creatures, and this guy needs to fall for your appearance before getting to know you as a person and before falling for your character.

As much as this might sound harsh, he has to fall for your body and face before discovering other, more important layers of you as a woman.

However, there doesn’t exist a woman in this world who is always dressed for the occasion, who has full makeup on, and whose hair always looks on point.

All of us have days when we look and feel like trash, and days when we would prefer not to see anyone we know.

Ironically, these are usually the days during which you’ll run into your crush.

There is a huge possibility of you not seeing him for weeks, and then all of a sudden, bump into him when you’re on your way to the nearest shop or when you’re taking out the garbage in your old, ripped sweatsuit.

Once this happens, you can’t help but beat yourself up about allowing yourself to look like this.

You curse fate for sending this man on your path exactly at the moment when you look nowhere near the beautiful woman you actually are.

Sounds familiar, right? Well, in order to avoid these situations, it is crucial for you to look your best at all times.

This is especially important for situations in which you know there is a big chance of running into this guy.

You don’t have to wear a fancy gown and have false eyelashes every time you see him—just make sure you’re neat, wearing clean clothes, have clean and brushed hair, and smell good.

5. Compliment him

You know how us girls always love hearing someone else telling us that we’re beautiful woman and giving us other compliments ?

Well, let me tell you that men are no different, so once you’ve managed to reach some kind of contact with this guy, it is time to compliment him. 

Men love being praised, and most of them enjoy their ego being boosted by a girl who fancies them.

By increasing his self-esteem, you’ll give him the courage to make the first move, and he’ll be more sure about himself when it’s time to approach you.

Just don’t be too pathetic and constantly go after him, telling him that he is good-looking all the time or trying to assure him that he is the best man in the world. This would be too obvious, and it is clearly not honest.

Instead, wait for the opportunity to arise when you’ll have the chance to compliment his masculinity. 

For example, ask him for a favor (like replacing your flat tire, opening a jar for you if you share a workplace or giving you a lift home).

Then, after he’s done, show your appreciation and admiration by telling him that he is a great driver or by jokingly praising his strength.

You might add that you would never have been able to do that on your own, and that he is your savior which will definitely boost his self-esteem.

Of course, none of this is true—you’re not a weak woman, and you won’t follow this behavior pattern in which you pretend to be incapable in the future or throughout your potential relationship.

However, doing something like this won’t hurt you in the beginning, and he’ll hopefully have plenty of time to get to know the real you.

Another great thing you can do is pay attention to some tiny details about him.

Compliment him on his new haircut or on that new sweater he just bought.

Besides making him feel better, you’ll also let him know that he matters to you enough to notice everything about him which is always a plus.

Just make sure not to exaggerate and make yourself look like you’re obsessed with him.

6. Send him body language signs

One of the most important things when it comes to attracting the person you like is not words.

It is the hidden meaning behind your actions and behavior, and this is especially the case if you’re wondering how to approach a shy guy who needs some encouragement and assurement that you’re really into him before doing anything about it.

That is exactly why you need to flirt with this cute guy, and send him body language signals before you make an actual first move on him.

These signals will help you see whether you’re getting any positive feedback or not.

Also, they will prepare him for what’s coming next ,so if you decide to admit him your feelings sometime in the future, he won’t be surprised or shocked.

  • Eye contact

The first step is to maintain prolonged eye contact. Look at the object of your affection as sensually as possible, and if necessary, stare at him until he looks back.

When the two of you are talking, glance over at his lips or gently bite yours. This is a clear sign that you would like to kiss him.

These games will create strong tension between the two of you, and he won’t know whether he is imagining things or you’re really trying to send him a message through your eyes.

Either way, it will help you become a part of his thoughts without having to say a word. And that is the whole point, right?

  • Always sit or stand next to him

The next thing you should be doing is always doing your best to stand or sit as near as possible next to the guy you like.

This way, you’ll both have more chance for some intimacy, and you’ll feel much closer to each other.

Also, when the two of you are next to each other, pay attention to the signals he is sending back at you. Are his feet turned to yours and is he leaned towards you?

If the answer is yes, this attraction is mutual, even though the two of you might not be fully aware of that.

  • Touch him accidentally

Use every opportunity to touch him.

No, you won’t be a creep who harasses this guy or invades his personal space, but there is nothing wrong with putting your hand on his shoulder or knee when the two of you’re talking, when you’re laughing at his jokes or when you’re trying to prove a point.

How does he react to your ‘accidental’ touches? Does he step back or is he clearly comfortable with them?

By doing this, you’re causing his body to get used to your presence, and once you do that, his mind and heart will soon follow.

  • Smile

Finally and most importantly, smile as much as you can.

Don’t be self-conscious about your teeth or something like that—just make sure you always have a wide smile whenever this guy is around.

Laugh at his lame jokes, nod your head at his cheesy pick up lines, and give him positive feedback. Of course, don’t forget to smile when he is coming towards you or entering the room.

Trust me—an honest smile makes every person a million times more beautiful.

Besides, he will surely be more attracted to you once he sees that you bring your positive energy together with you.

7. Follow him on social media

The thing that might help you find out more about a guy and even start a conversation with him more easily than in real life is definitely social media.

Sending him a friend or a follow request doesn’t have to necessarily mean that you want something out of him, but it also opens a lot of doors.

This is especially the case if you two know each other in real life. It is perfectly normal for you to follow all of your acquaintances on all social media platforms.

However, if you haven’t met before and have no mutual friends, he’ll probably figure out that you’re interested in him.

Either way, his profiles will help you find out a lot about his relationship status, habits, and preferences.

They will also give you both a chance to break the ice and get in touch with one another without the awkwardness.

If you’re wondering how to approach a guy online, you might want to start with liking some of his pictures or posts and carefully watching his stories.

Also, you can post something you know he would like on your storyline, just to see his reaction.

Anyhow, being the first one who will message him and who starts some small talk is way less creepy than, for example, approaching him on the street out of the blue. 

If you’ve run out of conversation starters and things to talk about, you can try complimenting one of his pictures or sending a funny emoji as a reaction to something he posted.

Hopefully, after that, the conversation will flow by itself.

8. Start a conversation

After you’ve sent this cute guy body language signs that you’re into him and after you are at least sure that he knows who you are, it is time to start an actual conversation with him.

I know you probably won’t approach him directly and say hello, while introducing yourself and asking for his name and contact data.

So, how to approach a guy you’ve never talked to?

Well, the best low key conversation starter when you don’t know a guy is asking him for help, for a favor or for the answer to a simple question

For example, if you run into him at a restaurant, you can ask him to recommend to you something to eat or drink, tell you where the restroom is or simply to pass you the salt.

If you are at the club, there is always an option of brushing into him on your way to the toilet.

You might think that buying drinks for someone you like is reserved for men only, but trust me, you will without a doubt knock this guy off his feet if you tell the waiter to send a round of drinks to this man’s table. 

Another crazy idea you might or might not like is pretending to know this man.

You simply approach him and say ‘hi’. Then, when he starts wondering who you are and where he knows you from, you apologize, and tell him that you’ve mixed him up with someone.

Or you just come to him and ask him whether the two of you have already met because he looks incredibly familiar to you.

Sounds crazy, I know, but it works like a charm when it comes to approaching men.

Whatever you choose to do, it is always better to do everything by yourself rather than sending your best friend as a wingwoman to do the job for you.

Show him that you’re a confident woman and that your fear of rejection won’t stop you from approaching a good looking guy like him.

9. Invite him for coffee

The next step in the process of winning a guy you like over is inviting him to go out with you. Of course, this is something you should do only in case you two already have some kind of contact.

Don’t freak out—you won’t directly ask this guy out on a date.

Instead, you’ll casually suggest to him that the two of you could grab a cup of coffee after work/gym/lunch break/lecture/study session or wherever you two usually encounter each other.

Remember how we told you to find out more about this guy’s taste in music, favorite actor or activity?

Well, this is the stage in which all the intel you’ve managed to gather up until now will come in handy.

You will just show up in front of him and tell him that you have tickets for that music show or movie you know he’s been dying to see.

Of course, you won’t tell him that you’ve been investigating him because you don’t want him to think of you as a stalker.

Instead, you’ll present this as something you wanted to do but are just looking for a chaperone because none of your closest friends share your interest and want to come.

Once he hears about this, he will be thrilled with your proposal and is most likely to accept it.

Also, he will be lucky to have met a girl who has the same taste as he does, and he even might consider it as a sign that you’re someone whom he should pay more attention to. What a crazy coincidence, right?

10. Be direct

If none of the ways mentioned above work out, the only option you have is to come clean about your feelings and intentions. As a matter of fact, this is something you can do after completing all of these steps.

You see, some guys simply don’t see the hints you keep sending them, as much as you consider them obvious and desperate, and maybe the object of your affection is one of them.

There is a chance of him thinking that you are only friendly and nice or that you are out of his league and that he is just imagining things.

Also, he might have run into different girls playing with him and leading him on until they got his full attention, just to dump him the very next moment, so now he is scared of getting hurt again. The possibilities are endless.

Either way, him not doing anything concrete regarding your signals shouldn’t discourage you.

Don’t think of yourself as lame or any less of a woman for making the first move, and go for it before someone else does.

After all, you’re not proposing or declaring your undying love for him. You’re just telling him that you like him.

That is not such a big deal, so there is no need for your fear of rejection to hold you back.

Besides, you’ll be way happier knowing that you acted according to your feelings and knowing that you have a shot instead of contemplating about all the should and could have beens.

I won’t lie to you—there always exists a chance of him turning you down, and that is his right.

However, if this happens, be grateful for his honesty, and consider yourself lucky for running into a guy who told you where you stand right from the start instead of wasting your time playing mind games and stringing you along for months.

If the worst case scenario happens, don’t fall into despair.

Be proud of yourself for being a confident woman, for having the courage to step out of your comfort zone, and for learning a new lesson.

Don’t beg for crumbs of his attention, and walk away with dignity.

Nevertheless, if he gives you a positive response, if you see that this guy likes you back or if he decides to give you a chance, congratulations: you’ve successfully figured out how to approach a guy you like without looking desperate at any step along the way.

Enjoy the fruits of your effort, and don’t allow it to be in vain.