I know what you’re doing. You’re holding your phone in your hands getting ready to check their profile on social networks.
Either that, or you’re re-reading all of your old conversations, which are making you even more nostalgic for their presence.
Or, it could be that you’re thinking about texting them, giving them another chance or finding a way to make things function between the two of you.
Am I right? Are you thinking about them every time you’re about to fall asleep? Or are they actually the only thing you’re thinking about the entire time?
I feel you. I understand how it feels to overthink and go through the painful sessions of re-reading your old conversations in hope that you’ll find the answer as to why things went south (or why your romance never even started in the first place).
I understand how it feels to wait for days to receive a reply from them; the object of your affection; the person who has stolen a part of you and will never give it back to you.
So, how do you stop caring about someone who still means so much to you? How do you delete them from your life and continue living as if they never existed? One thing is sure:
You cannot delete your feelings, but you can learn to understand them!
Now, I want you to stop for a moment and ask yourself: Why do I still care about them? Why are they still the person you can’t stop thinking about even though you know you should?
Maybe, my experience will help you understand what’s happening to you at the moment. When I was trying to forget that one person and stop caring about them,
I realized the reason why I couldn’t do it was because I was still dwelling in the past.
Instead of living in the moment and focusing on things that are happening right now, I was living in some other dimension where anything could happen only if I wanted it to. I created my own reality instead of living in the one that is actually real.
I was telling myself that there is still hope and things might eventually change. I was living in an illusion, and that is why I couldn’t stop thinking about that one person who didn’t know I existed.
In order to get out of this labyrinth known as an illusion, I had to be honest with myself and learn to understand my feelings.
I had to ask myself the following questions, so you might ask yourself as well:
Do you still care about them because you think they are the only person who is right for you?
I want you to read this question a few times before you notice how flawed it actually is.
Here are some facts: There are 7.8 billion people in the world. Let me repeat this to you: There are 7.8 billion people in the world and you still think that they are the only person who is right for you?
Well, do you still think that? Let me tell you something. I used to think that, too.
Whenever I meet someone who fits the definition of my ideal partner, I glorify them to the extent of forgetting everyone else around them.
Recently, I was head over heels for one guy who was obviously playing games with me. One day, he would be so attentive when texting me, and the other day, he would forget that I even existed.
Guess what? After some time, I met a new guy from a different continent (yup) with whom I had so much in common and who made me feel special every single day.
I’m still in contact with that guy and it’s only a matter of time when the two of us will finally meet in person.
I’m not using this story to make confessions about my love life, but what I’m trying to say is that you never know whom you’re going to meet next.
So, stop obsessing over them. Stop obsessing over the one who doesn’t know that you exist, and stop thinking that they are the only right person for you.
Chances are they’re not and that’s the reason why it didn’t work out. Remember: Everything happens for a reason.
Do you still care about them because you believe that they can change?
I will be short with explaining this one. DON’T ever try to change someone if they are not willing to change themselves. Why? Because it won’t work.
You can tell them whatever you want and nothing will change if they are not willing to work on themselves.
If changing is not their idea, chances are they will stay the same (or be even worse than before). I know this because I had my fair share of desperately trying to change others and it never worked.
So, stop living in an illusion thinking that one day, they will realize how poorly they treated you and that they will change.
They won’t. If they haven’t changed by now, you shouldn’t wait any longer for that to happen because chances are that it won’t.
Are you worried that they might find someone else?
If you happen to find out that they are with someone else, do you think that this would be the end of your life?
Do you think the reason why you can’t stop thinking about them is because you’re secretly afraid that they might find happiness with someone else?
Here’s how I see it: If someone doesn’t care about me, I shouldn’t care about their happiness either. If they find someone else, it means that we were never meant to be together in the first place. Period.
I know this is easier said than done (read: implemented), but it answers the question: how do you stop caring about someone you can’t have.
There’s no point in worrying about them finding someone else because you don’t have any control over that.
Focus on thinking that one day, you’ll meet someone with whom you’ll be happier than ever with, and then you’ll be glad that it didn’t work out with the one you’re trying to forget at the moment.
Do you care about them because they don’t care about you?
I’m one of those people who can be really stubborn. Oftentimes, I have a hard time accepting the fact that not everyone should like me and vice versa.
If you don’t repeat this to yourself often, you might end up in a loop still caring about someone just because they don’t care about you, and not because you actually care about them.
The sentence might sound confusing to some of you, but I hope you at least partially understand what I’m trying to say.
You’re beautiful, smart, and unique. You don’t need that one person’s approval to feel worthy. Stop loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
Stop wasting your time on winning their approval and focus on the ones who would do anything to be with you.
Do you think about them because you have nothing else to do at the moment?
Boredom can be the cause of many troubles, including this one. Sometimes, the reason why you can’t stop thinking about someone is because you have too much free time and you’re using it wrongly.
If you find yourself fantasizing about them 24/7, constantly re-reading their text messages, and similar, then it’s time to add some more activities into your schedule.
It’s time to become more active so that your brain stops living in the past (or the future) and starts focusing on the present instead.
Hitting the gym, going for a run, dancing, drawing, or singing are all great ways to distract yourself. You can also find some interesting movies to watch, but try to avoid romantic comedies.
So, how do you stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you?
Simple. You focus on living your best life. You force yourself (if you have to) to do other things rather than stalking them on social media (or waiting for them to stop ignoring your texts).
You connect with new people, you cry if you have to, and you don’t live in an illusion.
Find the reason why you still care about them and work on it. Perhaps that reason is one of the above ones or it is something else.
Whatever it is, know that you won’t stop caring about them overnight, but understanding your feelings will surely speed up the process.
As always, stay patient and believe that every single thing happens to us for a reason.
There’s a reason why you just read all this, and there’s a reason why you can’t be with that one person at the moment. Instead of questioning it, embrace it.