As if your shattering break-up wasn’t enough, recently, you’ve found out that your ex is seeing someone new while you haven’t moved an inch from them.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for two and a half years or for two and a half months or when exactly you broke up – a realization like this is always painful.
As if it’s not enough that you miss them so much, now, you’re also trying to figure out how to stop thinking about your ex with someone else.
You can’t seem to grasp the idea that they’ve moved on so quickly. What’s going on with this new person? Is this a rebound relationship or are they truly in love?
Even though these thoughts are extremely unhealthy, I’m not here to judge you. Nevertheless, I will tell you that you need to do something about them if you plan on healing your broken heart.
But, how exactly? How do you stop thinking about your ex with someone else when the two of them together are the only thing on your mind?
Well, I’m here to help you. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to stop thinking about your ex with someone else, and how to kick them out of your mind for good.
How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex With Someone Else
Sometimes, your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows
If you can’t stop thinking of your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend with another man or woman, then there is no doubt about one thing: you still haven’t gotten over them. It doesn’t have to mean that you are crazy in love with your ex, but the truth is that you have a lot more healing to do.
Well, the healing process lasts. It doesn’t only take time – it also has different phases. Currently, you’re in denial.
It seems that you can’t come to terms with the fact that they’ve clearly moved on while you’re still stuck in the same place.
Accept what it is…
Whether you like it or not, this person is no longer a part of your life, so it’s about time you stop expecting them to come back. It’s not that you two just broke up – they’re even seeing someone new.
As much as knowing this hurts, the truth is not vague here and you must accept it. In fact, the sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be able to chase these thoughts away from you.
The worst thing you can do is live in a lie. You’re mentally still next to this person, and for you, the breakup never happened.
Naturally, you feel like they’re being unfaithful. You feel betrayed, even though they’ve technically not double-crossed you.
…let go of what it was
The second step is letting go of the past. This won’t happen overnight. After all, if you could do it, you would stop thinking about them right away.
But, you can’t, can you? And, that’s perfectly reasonable, so I won’t expect you to snap your fingers and forget this man or woman ever existed just because I asked you to.
Nevertheless, there is something you can do. You can stop allowing yourself to think about all the could haves and should haves because that’s exactly what’s keeping you in the past.
Do your best not to keep replaying the same scenarios over and over in your head. I know your heart is broken, but you won’t stitch it back together by reopening your wounds with every chance you get.
…and have faith in what will be
Finally, turn to the future. Maybe nothing is happening in your life right now, but trust me – if you focus on your plans and goals, soon, you’ll see a difference.
Most importantly: have faith. Have faith that one day, all of this pain will be behind you. After all, you never know what tomorrow might bring you.
The fear you don’t face becomes your limit
The next stage after acceptance is facing your fears. You’re actually in a funny situation right now.
If you look at things a bit closer, you’ll see that you’re actually doing two opposite things at the same time. You’re simultaneously imagining your ex and their new partner, but also, you’re running away from your thoughts.
Sounds confusing, I know. Nevertheless, if you’re experiencing it, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
It’s not that you sit down and consciously think of them. Instead, these and similar thoughts suddenly appear in your mind totally unannounced.
Most of the time, they’re even completely unrelated to everything going on around you at the moment. There you are, minding your own business and even convinced that you’re almost over this situation.
Nevertheless, that’s where your demons start to haunt you. Of course, you try to chase them away. You fight back with all of your strength, but without any success.
The more you run, the more it chases you
So, instead of trying to escape your fears, be brave enough to look them straight in the eyes. Once again, this is closely connected to accepting.
Accept the fact that your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend is in a new relationship. If there are no photos of them with their new GF or BF, then visualize the two of them together.
Imagine your ex taking this new person to all the places you’ve visited. Think about them kissing, holding hands, and being happier than ever.
Yes, you’ll break your own heart like this. But, as absurd as it might sound, it’s the path to recovery.
Trust me: after a while, you’ll become immune to these visualizations. The picture of your ex with someone who is not you will become a completely normal scene that won’t bother you.
Look at things from this perspective: if you hit emotional rock bottom (which you will when you engage in this step), you can’t go anywhere but up.
One of your biggest fears is that your loved one will stop being yours. Not only that: they’ll find someone new and forget that you ever existed.
Well, guess what? It’s happening right now. Your biggest fear is now a reality. But, there you are, you’re surviving it. There is nothing more to be afraid of – you’re finally free.
You’ll experience a radical change if you reframe your experience
People who can’t get over their ex all have one thing in common: they idealize their past relationship. And, you’re not an exception.
This is difficult to admit, but you’re jealous of this new person. There, I said it. You would give everything you have just to take their place back.
Why? Because you think that you would be the happiest person in the world next to your ex. You keep on remembering your relationship and you only think of the good things while acting like there were no bad times at all.
You miss this person, and now you’re observing them through rose-tinted glasses. Well, if you we’re being honest, things weren’t always so perfect, were they?
Your previous relationship had its ups and downs – good and bad things were happening. In fact, it clearly had more negative sides and bad times; otherwise, you two would still be together.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising you to hate your ex. After all, I don’t know why you parted ways – if they were a good partner while you were together or if you saw any red flags that your romance was falling apart.
But, the point is that things didn’t work out this way or another. So, why do you think this time would be different?
What makes you believe that you’d be happy if you were his girlfriend or boyfriend? Trust me – you won’t.
The point is to reframe your experiences. Instead of looking at your relationship as the biggest romance of all time – see it as a part of your life that didn’t go as planned.
Instead of seeing this new person as an intruder who is stealing your happiness – see them as your partner’s new choice.
Wake up; this is not a fairytale and your break up is certainly not the end of the world. I’m not here to diminish your pain – I’m just asking you to try and look at things more objectively.
Once you do, you’ll realize that sadly, these things happen. Besides, who says that losing your ex won’t turn out to be your greatest blessing?
What is necessary to change the situation is to change your self-awareness
The word says it all: self-awareness is all about being entirely conscious of yourself at all times. I’m talking about knowing yourself better than anyone else. I’m talking about being in control of your feelings and thoughts instead of the other way around.
No, this won’t give you a magic button by which you’ll be able to erase the thoughts you don’t like. You won’t be able to order your heart what to feel.
But, at least, you’ll be aware of everything going on inside of you and that’s the first step of recovery.
Living in the moment
The most important thing here is that self-awareness will help you differ from inner and outer experiences. Sometimes, you get so overwhelmed by these thoughts that you have a hard time staying in touch with the real world.
Your imagination hurts you to the point where you can’t help but feel like these pictures in your head are taking place right in front of you. Well, guess what – they’re not.
Basically, the point of self-awareness is to recognize these ideas as soon as they appear. This way, you’ll stop your thinking process before it floods you.
You become what you think
It’s pretty obvious that the reality around you is responsible for your mental images. But, can it be that your thinking impacts your real life?
Is it possible for things to go the other way around? Does your mind have the power to create your world?
According to some, it definitely does. In fact, your brain is much more powerful than you might assume – it plays a big role in shaping your life.
Let’s set one example. If you are swept away by thoughts of your ex, and if you keep on trying to figure out how to stop thinking about your ex with someone else, then your break up and grief start to define you.
This becomes your obsession and the only thing that defines you. Your role in this world has no meaning or point, and that influences your entire life.
Shifting your thoughts
That is exactly why you must find a way to shift your thoughts. As impossible as this seems, trust me that it’s easier than you might think once you get a hold of it.
The moment you realize that, once again, you wandered into your ex’s direction, force yourself to stop. Look at the first thing that you notice around you and start observing its details.
If it’s necessary, tell your thoughts out loud. It can be the most random thing ever – such as “I’m driving in my car right now. That building over there is very nice. Is that car over there more expensive than mine?”
I’m sure you see where I’m going – your thoughts and sentences will only depend on your surroundings. The important thing here is to be present at the moment and to chase these intrusive thoughts away.
You know you’re going on a vacation in a couple of months. Why wouldn’t you begin planning your outfits right now?
You haven’t talked to a friend for a while. This is the perfect time to call them and catch up.
Have some spare time? Why don’t you relax and try watching a movie?
If nothing works out, just take a deep breath and practice mindfulness. Slow down and pay attention to the exact moment you’re currently in.
Turn on all of your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? Name all of these things.
Before you know it, your thoughts will drift away as far as possible from your current preoccupation. Remember: you’re in charge!
They gave you the scissors – so cut them off
You know what they say: “ out of sight, out of mind ”. Well, this line is truer than you might think.
Come on – how do you expect to stop thinking about your ex if something or someone related to them is constantly in front of you.
I know I’ve told you to expose yourself to their new relationship as much as possible. Yes, you were advised to even go as far as visualizing them with their new partner together.
Nevertheless, you’re past that phase. Now is the time to cut this person out of your life for good.
I’m sure you have no contact with them… at least, no direct contact. But, let’s be honest – did you really break all ties? I think not.
Did you stop talking to your mutual friends ? Do you visit their social media profiles every single day ?
Or, did you accidentally go to that coffee shop next to their house last week ? Is his number still saved under “the love of my life ” in your phone?
Do you still stalk everyone around him, starting with his family and best friends and ending with his old high school friends?
Let’s change that and let’s go no contact for real.
Start with getting rid of all of their stuff. I don’t care if they’re great memories – this is necessary for your recovery. You can’t be sleeping on their pillow and be surprised that you keep on thinking about them, can you?
The same goes for everything that reminds you of them. Don’t listen to “your” songs, delete all of your photos together, stop going to “your” places.
Come on, you can do it – I believe in you.
This especially applies to social media. There is no more snooping around their profiles, no more watching their stories, and no more checking their last seen status. Unfollow them, block their number – do whatever it takes to start letting go.
Journaling
When your ex moved on so fast, but you’re still stuck at the same place they left you, it’s natural to get the urge to contact them one way or another.
Maybe you’ll want to tell them that you miss them or ask them how they could have replaced you so easily. Maybe you’ll want to argue with them or you’ll lose your mind for a moment and beg them to come back.
This is nothing unusual. Nevertheless, it has to be prevented.
Therefore, every time you get a similar idea – write it down on a piece of paper. Pretend that you’re texting them and just text yourself or your best friend instead.
Trust me: you’ll get the feeling of relief as if you sent it to them.
Sometimes, you must fight fire with fire
If you ask someone how to stop thinking about your ex with someone else, they’ll probably tell you to find a rebound relationship. Well, that piece of advice isn’t that bad – with slight modifications.
I’m not here to advocate you jumping into a next relationship with the previous one still on your mind. You won’t accomplish anything good with that. Instead, you’ll just destroy your mental health even more.
Nevertheless, who says you can’t go back in the dating pool? Do you see the difference?
I’m not telling you to get into a relationship with the first new guy or girl you cross paths with – I’m just asking you not to act as if you’re living in a monastery.
Go out on a couple of first dates, meet new people, and see what happens… without any pressure. Go to an online dating site just to chat with the opposite sex.
You never know – you might fall for someone when you least expect it. Do your best not to overthink, and don’t compare your ex with these new people.
For once, just go with the flow. Who can guarantee you that nobody will capture your attention?
Trust me: you won’t get your ex out of your system until someone new takes their place. Well, not literally because nobody claims that you’ll start loving the first person you run into.
For now, it will be enough to have someone fulfill your days. If you find a person whose text message puts a smile on your face – you’re already on the road to recovery.
Get busy living your new life or get busy dying
In this situation, you basically have only two options: you can decide to rise from the ashes or to remain stuck there forever. Will you live or will you spiritually die? It all depends on you and only you.
Don’t forget that you run your own life. The steering wheel is in your hands and no one will come to save you.
If you want to be better, you have to make something out of your life. Enough with the self-pity and grief.
You’ve spent too much time lying on your couch watching the sunsets and sunrises pass you by. You’ve lost too many days thinking about your ex who is living their life as if you never existed.
Now is the final moment to move on from your dead spot, and the best way to do it is to keep yourself as busy as possible.
For starters, reconnect with your old friends and acquaintances.
Come on, be honest – how many times have you declined their phone calls ; first, because you wanted to spend every spare moment of your time with your ex, and then because you were too depressed to get out of the house?
Well, that period is now behind you. Get up and call them to hang out.
Everyone is busy? No problem! Join a hiking club or a book club – whatever suits you best.
It has been ages since you were physically active, am I right? Let’s change that.
Hit the gym, start riding a bike, or at least start exercising at home. Trust me: once your body gets tired, your mind will follow. Before you know it, you’ll have no energy left to think about your ex and this new woman or man in their life.
The goal is to make your day as fulfilling as possible. See this as a new chapter of your new life.
Put yourself first this time. Think of your well-being and leave all the bad things behind.
Start educating yourself about something you’ve always wanted to learn more about, rewatch your favorite TV shows, read books, get a new job… whatever will keep you busy. In the meantime, work on yourself.
This is a great opportunity to do some self-improvement. Become a better person and invest everything in yourself.
You feel like you can’t make yourself do any of these things – I know. This suffering and these intrusive thoughts have become your comfort zone.
But, the beginning is always the hardest. Put all of your efforts into moving yourself, and later on, everything will seem much easier.
How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Sleeping With Someone Else
When you’re imagining your ex sleeping with another man or woman, the images in your head can get quite graphic. You can’t help it – you think about every single detail and you torture yourself as a real masochist.
How often do they do it? When did they sleep together for the first time ? How was it? Are they lying in bed making out as we speak?
Sounds crazy, but these are exactly the questions running through your head. Don’t worry – you’re not a lunatic – we’ve all been there.
If you’re past the phase of exposing yourself to these mental images, then it’s time to stop. Easier said than done, right?
If you compare yourself to someone, you’re insulting yourself
Well, the main issue here is that you’re subconsciously comparing yourself with this new person. To be exact, you’re comparing their bedroom activities with yours.
Did your ex enjoy sleeping with you more? Is this new person hitting their wires better than you ever managed to do?
Do they ever think about you while kissing them? Are they doing it in the same bed you slept with them in for the last time?
Let me tell you something: you’re insulting yourself with these comparisons. You’re not some piece of meat – you’re much more than that.
Trust me: they enjoyed sleeping with you while it lasted. Nothing else should interest you.
Besides, you can never know what’s going on under their sheets. So, what’s the point of obsessing with these thoughts ?
This is especially important if you’re struggling with low self-esteem and are insecure about your looks and performance in the bedroom. You keep comparing yourself with their new partner, and you are convinced that they look much better than you ever did.
So, consequently, your ex is more attracted to them.
Well, it’s time to go back out there. Fish a few compliments, capture someone’s attention, and I promise you that you’ll start feeling better about yourself in a moment.
Besides, this person has their own share of qualities. But, so do you. Remember that this is not a competition.
Love doesn’t break hearts – ego does
The fact that you’re imagining your ex sleeping with another man or woman among all other things tells you quite enough. Is it possible that these thoughts haunt you not because your heart is broken, but for the sake of your shattered ego?
Be honest and ask yourself: “Why can’t I stop thinking about this person? Is it because I saw them as my soulmate? Or, is it because someone new has them now? Would I miss them with the same intensity if they were still single?”
Don’t worry: this is all a part of human nature. You feel like this new person appeared out of the blue and took what was yours.
Well, in that case, you have to change your attitude.
Please, don’t let any of this diminish your worth. Don’t take it so personally. Just because your ex is with them now doesn’t mean that this new person is better than you in any way.
Final Thoughts:
Now that you know how to stop thinking about your ex with someone else, all you have to do is follow these steps carefully. But, I warn you: you won’t erase them from your mind overnight.
This will last for some time. The worst thing is that there will be days when you’ll feel like you’re not going anywhere. You won’t see any progress, and sometimes, you’ll even make a few steps back.
Nevertheless, don’t fall into despair. This is all a part of the process.
All you have to do is be persistent and have faith. Don’t give up on your decision the very next day after making it.
I promise you there will come a morning when you’ll wake up and they will no longer be the first thought on your mind. And, you won’t even be aware of it – you’ll just catch yourself not thinking about them.