People might think that being in love with someone and loving someone are exactly the same thing.
But actually, they’re not. Those two terms are related, but that doesn’t mean they are interchangeable.
When you are in love with someone, you feel like you are on top of the world.
You feel butterflies all the time, and you go through a rollercoaster of emotions.
You are constantly excited about this person, and you can’t keep your hands off them.
You are always scared that you’ll lose them, and you are more likely to be jealous without any apparent reason.
These are all the emotions you usually feel in the beginning, when you first meet a new person and when they knock you off your feet.
On the other hand, loving someone is completely different.
Falling in love usually happens overnight while growing to love someone is a process.
When you love someone, this person is the person who makes you calm.
It’s the person you can be yourself around, the person who has seen you at your best and at your worst.
It’s the person you trust and someone you can spend an entire day with without saying a word.
It’s your home and your peaceful harbor.
In most cases, you grow to love someone, and it is a feeling which remains inside of you, even when all the butterflies from your stomach have flown away.
And if nothing remains when the initial excitement goes away, it means that this wasn’t love.
At least, it wasn’t true love.
They say you can fall in love numerous times but that you don’t grow to love every person you fall in love with.
And whenever I think of you, I don’t know which of these things I felt.
Everyone, including you, knows how crazy I was for you.
It is a well-known fact that I was ready to do whatever it took just to be with you and that I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for your sake.
You know very well that I’ve always acted like I couldn’t live without you and that you were the only person who could have made me happy.
That had to be love, right? But what if it wasn’t?
What if I’ve never loved you, and what if I’ve been in love with you for all this time?
The truth is that the two of us spent years together.
And you will probably think that it’s impossible to be in love with someone you have been with for that long.
But the truth is also that I never had you completely.
We were always an on and off thing, and I was always chasing you.
The truth is that we never spent a decent amount of time together, without any tension.
I never got the chance to see if I would get bored of you.
The truth is that you never stuck with me to give me a chance to see if I really loved you or all of this was because of my ego.
Was all of this actually passion I couldn’t control and which I’ve mistaken for love?
Did I do all the things I did because I had to prove to myself that I can always have you, no matter what?
Because I had to prove to myself that I was special to you?
Because I had to prove myself that you loved me?
When I come to think of it, I spent most of our relationship analyzing your feelings for me.
I was always so focused on you and the way you felt about me that I managed to completely disregard myself.
When I come to think of it, I never once stopped and thought my feelings through.
I’ve never once asked myself if this was the real deal and if I really loved you.
Truth to be told, you constantly leaving me and coming back to me didn’t give me a chance to reconsider my emotions.
The two of us were always in the process of breaking up or in the process of getting back together.
And both of these situations always consumed me to the point that I never had the chance to think things through for real.
And maybe that is why you’ve always remained so special for me—because I could never figure you out, and I could never figure out myself, when I was with you.