When I was younger, I thought that the proof of true love was when you constantly go back to that one person you obviously can’t imagine living your life without.
No matter how you try to fight your feelings and no matter how much you try to run away from that person because you know they are no good for you, it’s all pointless.
Because the love and the passion you feel for this special someone are stronger than anything.
When you look at things from this point of view or when you watch these romantic stories in movies or read about them, all of this sounds very romantic.
But when you experience this kind of romance, it is anything but romantic or wonderful.
Instead, it is exhausting, tiring and painful.
It makes your life a living hell and it changes you.
I know that because this is exactly what you and I went through. Actually, this is exactly what you made me go through.
When this happened, you and I weren’t together for long. But that didn’t stop me from feeling the way I felt.
That didn’t stop me from being devastated and feeling as if my life had been torn apart.
And then, all of a sudden, you put me out of my misery, when you came back like nothing had happened.
You left me without any detailed explanation and you came back in the same manner.
And although I wanted to ask you a million questions, I simply couldn’t.
I wanted to know why you had left me and why you came back. What were you doing all the time you were gone? Did you miss me? Did you realize you loved me?
But I remained silent.
I was afraid to tackle those issues because I thought that would chase you away from me once more.
Instead, I enjoyed the bliss of having you back and I lived in the moment, without thinking of everything that had gone on and of everything that might happen.
At the same time, I hoped that this was the first and last time you would walk away from me. I hoped that now we could finally live a peaceful, happy life.
But my intuition was telling me otherwise. It was telling me that this was just the beginning of our saga.
And it was right.
You kept doing this all over again. You kept leaving me and you kept coming back to me.
And every time you left me, my life would stop. I would wait patiently for you to come back and I would press the pause button on my existence, which had no meaning without you by my side.
And every time you came back, I would accept you open-handedly, as if nothing was wrong.
I wouldn’t ask you anything because I knew I had little time to enjoy being with you and the last thing I wanted to do was spoil those precious moments with arguments.
And every time, I hoped that that was it.
That you were done with leaving me and coming back to me as you wished and that this would finally be the time when you’d realize what you were doing to me.
That you were finally going to stay and that you’d never leave my side again.
But deep down, I knew better. I knew that these things would continue happening until I put a stop to it.
I was aware of the fact that you were one of those men who didn’t know how to stay.
I kept lying to myself, saying that I was special to you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t always find your way back to me.
I kept telling myself that you were a wanderer and that I was your peaceful harbor. That I was the only girl you kept coming back to and that you couldn’t find me in any other woman.
And before I knew it, years had passed. Years of you living your life and years of me waiting for you to come back to me.
But this has come to an end.
I assume you don’t believe me and that this is the last thing you expect to hear from me but please, don’t come back this time.
Because I’ve had enough.
I’ve had enough of putting my life on hold, while you’ve never done the same.
I’ve had enough of waiting for you.
I’ve had enough of you leaving me.
And I sure as hell have had enough of you coming back to me.