Me and my expectations. I swear one of these days, they are going to kill me. My expectations already hurt me so many times but I still don’t know how to let them go.
I really have to learn to stop expecting other people to love me like I do them. I have to stop expecting other people to do for me as I do for them.
The pain after losing you was so deep but the pain of the broken hope of expectations was even deeper.
That’s why I don’t blame you for my broken heart anymore. I blame my own expectations. I blame myself. I expected you to love me as much as I loved you.
I have learned that I must go into everything without any attachment to the outcome. Some things are just meant to be.
No matter how much I hope for something else and something better to happen, the outcome won’t change.
One of those things was our relationship. I was the one who always loved more in our relationship.
That’s why I was always at greater risk of getting hurt. That’s why I was the one who ended up with a broken heart.
I always hoped that it’d change. That you’d understand what kind of a woman you had by your side and that you’d be scared to lose me. The truth is that you can’t change someone’s feelings by loving them harder.
I really thought that my love would be a good reason for you to change. Now, I blame myself for believing that a man like you could change. That an immature guy like you was ready to commit and settle down.
I loved you with all my heart but unfortunately, our hearts weren’t the same and you couldn’t reciprocate such strong and deep feelings.
You weren’t ready for that kind of love and it seems like I couldn’t come to terms with it for a long time. I wanted you to love me as much as I loved you but that was impossible.
I knew who you were when I fell in love with you. You making jokes and looking so childish all the time, you being so naive and pure was what attracted me in the first place.
As time went on, I wanted something else. Something more serious.
I wanted you to show me that you had some goals in life and that you knew what you wanted from life; at least, to tell me that you wanted me in your life.
When I realized that I was ready for something more serious, I asked you what your intentions were, where you saw us. You said that you were enjoying my company.
ENJOYING MY COMPANY? That’s all?
I was disappointed. I was crushed by your answer.
You didn’t even bother to ask me the same question back, to ask me how I felt about you. Sure, I was enjoying your company as well but there was more to it than that.
My feelings were deep and yours never moved from the liking phase. I loved you more than you’ll ever know.
From that point on, I had to learn to let go of the idea that you and I had a future. That your, “I enjoy your company,” line was the wake-up call I needed to snap out of my fantasies about our future.
I learned the hard way that it was better to ask than to assume. I guess I was wrong for wanting you to love me as much as I loved you.
True love is selfless. True love doesn’t really need reciprocation. It needs acceptance. I will never again love somebody and hope that I’ll get the same love in return.
I have to learn how to have zero expectations because zero expectations equals zero disappointments.
I’ll have to work on my expectations before I move on. I have to be ready for the next guy who comes into my life.
I’ll learn how to let it go. I won’t let my expectations break my heart ever again. From now on, I’ll believe in fate and the universe only.
What’s meant to be will be and whatever we do, we can never change it.
