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I Wonder If You Ever Think Of Me

I Wonder If You Ever Think Of Me

It’s been years since you walked away from me. And although I thought I would never move on with my life, I did. At least, I did in a way.

You are no longer the only man I ever think about and I don’t cry myself to sleep every night because of you.

I don’t feel the numb pain in my stomach every time someone mentions your name or every time I see a familiar date on the calendar.

But that doesn’t mean I got over you or that I ever will. I am not in constant pain anymore and that is great progress.

But that doesn’t mean I forgot about you. And I don’t think I’ll ever manage to do that completely.

Yes, I will always hope you loved me. But I am very much aware that you never loved me the way I loved you. And I am certain that you never missed me the way I missed you.

Although it hurt me like hell, I accepted it. And I’ve learned to live with that notion and I’ve learned to live without you.

Nevertheless, I can’t help but wonder if I ever cross your mind. And I selfishly hope that you miss me and that hearing my name causes you just a little bit of pain.

Do you ever think of me and everything that went on between us?

I wonder if you remember the first time you laid your eyes on me. Because I do. I will never forget your look and the way it made me feel.

Nobody has ever looked at me the way you looked at me then. Do you look at other girls that way now?

Do you tremble every time you see someone who looks like me? Because I do. I die a little bit inside every time I smell your aftershave somewhere in the street.

Do you remember the dress I was wearing when you first kissed me?

Do you think of me every time you see a couple who look like us, who are happy the way we were?

Do you think of me every time you see a car like mine passing you by, or every time you hear someone laughing the way I did? Do you remember me when you go to places where we used to go together?

Do you remember anything about me?

Do you remember the look in my eyes when you told me you were leaving me? Can you forget the pain that was visible on my face? And do you regret it?

Most of all, I wonder if you remember the way I loved you. Do you remember how I was ready to move mountains for your sake?

How your happiness was the only thing that mattered to me? Could you ever forget that I was the only person who loved you, despite everything we’d been through?

Who loved you at your best but also at your worst? I ask myself if you remember the way I was always by your side, holding your hand, through thick and thin.

I wonder if you remember how I waited patiently for you to come back every time you left me. Do you remember how I fought for you and how I fought for us?

Do you remember all the effort I put into our relationship and all the sacrifices I made for you?

Do you remember anything about me?

Because I do. I remember everything and I always will.

I remember every second of our relationship. Sadly, I remember every time I cried for you, every night I fell asleep waiting for you to come home and all the times I held my phone in my hands, praying for you to call me. I can never forget all of your unfulfilled promises and all the times you disappointed me.

But despite everything, I also remember the good things. I remember our every kiss, every time you told me you loved me and every time I felt that you did.

I remember every time we made love and every time I woke up next to you. I remember every time I missed you, every time you walked away from me and every time you came back.

And those memories will haunt me as long as I breathe.

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Monday 7th of February 2022

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