I wish I could say that I hate you. I wish I could say that my love faded away and that I’m done because we both feel like it. But my love is still as strong for you as it was the first day. I still love you with all of my heart, with all of these broken pieces you made.
I wish I could say that we parted ways, but I don’t think we ever connected them in the first place. Now that I look back, I wonder whether there was a time you ever really loved me.
So, this is me. Finally seeing you for who you are.
My heart refused to accept the truth that you don’t love me. That you don’t love us. My heart wanted to believe that you are the one , because you were. It’s just that I’m not the one for you. So, I fought so hard to keep us safe. I fought till I lost my breath just so we could make it work.
Giving up on you, giving up on us was something I refused to think about. It was never an option because you were my only choice. You were the one that made me feel like I’m the happiest woman alive, so I forgot about the days I felt miserable.
You were the one that made my heart race, so I forgot about the days when you broke it. You were the one that made me feel so good that I forgot about the days when you made me feel worthless.
And I was always the one that cared more . The one that fought, the one that sacrificed for us. I spent days trying to walk in your shoes, trying to understand you. I spent months wondering what I could do to make us work. And when you left, I spent eternities wondering when you will come back. But you never did.
So, this is me. Finally seeing what we were.
Letting go of you was the hardest thing I ever did. Letting go of us was one sacrifice I wasn’t ready to make because it meant that I had to look back. It meant that I had to see us the way we were, not the version of us my heart decided to see.
My stupid, silly heart. So, you did it for me. You let go of us, you just walked away. One day, you just decided that you don’t want me in your life anymore. You decided that I was too much to handle, not seeing that I was the one that held you in one piece while life tore you down.
That I was the one who made sure you have a light in your darkest of days. I was the one that took away all of your pain, but not once did you wonder where it went. Not once did you realize that I ached for you and because of you. Not once did you look back on us.
So, this is me. Finally seeing myself.
I don’t want to thank you for the lessons you taught me. I don’t want to thank you for being the worst before my best. Because I’m my own best. I’m my own lesson. I’m my own blessing after you were my curse.
The only thing I will ever thank you for is for staying true to yourself. Because it wasn’t until the loneliness hit me and drowned me down in pain, that I realized you were never there.
You were sitting next to me and I was lonely. You were sleeping in my bed and I was fucking freezing to death. You were there, but not for me. And it took me too long to see you for who you are, to see us the way we were.
To see that I was the only one loving and fighting. To see that I was stuck in a one-sided relationship, thinking it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
So, this me. Finally walking away.
You want me back. You want us back. You’re saying that you can make us work—making promises you can’t keep and vows you don’t respect. But I’m done fighting for someone who never fought for me. For someone who will never fight for anyone but himself. I’m done fighting for you.