I’m slowly losing the ground underneath my feet. I don’t have the strength anymore.
It’s impossible to even describe the state I’m in. It’s impossible to get all of these feelings out in the open.
I’m so tired and my soul is falling apart. I can’t take any of this shit happening every day.
I’m really sick of putting a fake smile on my face. I’m sick of pretending to be fine. I’m tired of keeping myself strong.
Don’t I have the right to fall apart? Don’t I have the right to lose myself for a moment, to take a break? Yes, I’m strong. Yes, I can take a lot, but that leaves an impact.
That constant putting up with and facing problems left a huge mark on me and I’m not sure how much longer I can take it.
Strong alpha women can take everything. Isn’t that right?
Yes, of course it is, but does anyone stop to think what goes around in their head, how they feel, if they have any more strength left?
I’m sick and tired of acting. I am strong but my body is weary and my mind is tired.
And if you scratch just a little bit underneath my surface and if you just take a second to look me deep in the eyes, you’ll see that. You’ll see that I’m falling apart.
I never chose to be strong but life forced me to be.
I had to clench my fists and face my problems. Instead of running away and hiding from my nightmares, I had to stand up against them.
I was so scared, that for a moment I couldn’t move, I couldn’t break free but I was forced to.
It was either fight for survival or receive a blow in defeat. I had to choose. And where did it get me?
The only thing I feel now is worn out and tired. I’m not ready for another battle and believe me, this is not the end.
There are so many more to come. How will I find the strength to keep on a winning streak?
How will I find the courage to fake yet another smile when all I want to do is crawl into bed and cry?
Others have always seen me as fearless and altogether. Others were always sure I would solve every problem that came my way.
They had more trust in me than myself. They knew I had the strength but no one saw the battle that was going inside of me.
No one ever knew my soul was tired and I was falling apart. I never let anyone see it.
The truth is that I’ve lived my whole life independently. I took care of myself and I never asked for anyone’s help. I thought I didn’t need it.
But the thing is that I did need it. I couldn’t do everything by myself and I still can’t do it.
Now, I’ve realized that no matter how strong I want to be and am, I will reach my breaking point.
I will reach that moment when I’ll say I can’t do this by myself anymore.
After all, none of us is supposed to be completely alone. We all need support.
Maybe not all the time but definitely in moments of weakness, in the moments when we don’t see a way out.
We all need to hear kind words and get a pat on the back every now and then, no matter how strong we are.
I never wanted to ask anyone for their help. I thought it was a sign of weakness.
But now that I have got myself to the verge of breaking, I understand it is never shameful to ask for help when you need it.
Moreover, your greatness and your strength really show when you know you can’t go on by yourself and when you’re willing to take the help that is offered. Then you can be a true winner.
Now, after everything that has happened, I really want someone to hold me.
No matter how strong I wish to be, at the end of the day, I want someone to take me in their arms and just hold me.
I don’t need financial help, I’m independent. I don’t need anyone’s physical help because I always find a solution to do something I want to do on my own.
But sometimes, I need emotional support. I need someone to spoil me and tell me everything will be all right when I doubt and when I can’t take it anymore.
And there is no shame in that. We all need that someone to be there for us when we need it.
We can’t walk through this life all by ourself and if we have to, if we choose to do so, then it’s not a life that is worth living.
It’s okay not to be strong all the time. It’s okay to be strong for others but you have to give yourself a break.