There is a girl I know. When you look at this girl, she looks just like any other, average girl.
She gets up every morning with a smile on her face, goes to work and does her best to be as kind as possible to everyone around her.
She has friends and a social life. She goes out and she has a great relationship with her family. People love her and some even look up to her.
This girl always looks like she is happy and she always has a big, wide smile on her face. People admire her strength and the way she handles everything in life.
When they look at her, they assume that her life is perfect and that she doesn’t have a single worry on her mind.
Everyone around her thinks that she is the strongest girl ever. Even when she has some inconvenience in life, she handles it with incredible ease and patience.
But nobody actually knows the real her. Nobody knows that she is nothing like she acts.
Nobody knows her struggles and the emotional pain she has hidden deep inside of her.
Of course, all of her friends and family know that she had a serious relationship. They know there existed a man whom she loved more than herself.
And they know this man walked out on her when she needed him the most. They know he caused her a lot of pain and that she was hurt.
But they assume that period of her life is long gone. They assume she left this guy in the past where he belongs and that she has gotten over him long time ago.
After all, she never mentions him to anyone. She doesn’t look sad.
When they wonder why she hadn’t had a serious relationship ever since the two of them broke up, they justify her by thinking that she hasn’t found the right guy just yet. Besides, she works a lot and she always looks so busy—maybe she doesn’t have time for a relationship.
And they have no idea how clueless they actually are.
They have no idea that this girl is in constant emotional pain. That she struggles to get out of the bed every morning.
Yes, they are aware that this man has hurt her, but they have no idea to which extent.
They don’t know he changed her, although on the outside, she looks the same.
They have no idea all of her smiles are fake and that she is constantly fighting not to cry. And she does it because she is embarrassed and because she is afraid she’ll appear to be weak.
But when she’s alone, everything that this guy has done to her is the only thing she can think about.
They don’t know she cries herself to sleep almost every night.
They don’t know that she breaks all over again whenever she sees someone looking like her ex or hears a voice similar to his.
They don’t know that she doesn’t mention him to anyone because she is scared that she would burst into tears the moment she saya his name out loud.
But most importantly, they don’t know she can’t move on and that moving on is the scariest thing for her. They don’t know that living her life without this guy existing in the back of her head is the thing she wants the most.
They don’t know that he is still blocking her somehow, although he is not present in her life. That this guy is the only reason she is still single.
All think that she has moved on with her life a while ago, but actually, she hasn’t moved a single inch.
Because she fights. She fights to show the world that she can live without him and she fights to show him the same.
But most importantly, she fights with herself and with her feelings every day.
She thinks she can’t move on because she expects that every guy she meets next will be just like her ex. She is certain that the next guy will break the pieces of her already broken heart.
And that fear paralyzes her. It cages her and she feels like she’ll never free herself from all the pain and misery this man has put her through.
The only truth is that she hasn’t moved on and that she hasn’t gotten over everything that she went through.
But she keeps all of this hidden inside of her because she knows nobody would understand her suffering and weakness.
You probably wonder how I know all of this. Well, let me tell you one thing: I am this girl.
And I don’t wish for any other woman to be me.