7 cose che dovete accettare dopo essere sopravvissuti a una relazione abusiva

If you look at someone who survived abuse from the third perspective, you might think that the worst is over. Isn’t it?

Niente più ricatti emotivi, niente più violenza fisica, niente più lacrime. In breve, niente più torture.

They have escaped the worst. To be completely honest with you, it’s nothing like that.

Yes, there’s no more abuso fisicoma la vittima continua a sentire i colpi sul proprio corpo.

If you’ve ever been a victim of an abusive relationship, then you know that the fight has just started. It’s time to heal and it’s the hardest thing of them all.

Le persone che sopravvivono agli abusi negano anche alcune cose che devono essere accettate per poter guarire correttamente.

1. It wasn’t love

You’ve been stuck in it for months, maybe even years, and what you saw wasn’t love.

It might be the idea of love for you now because that’s what you’ve been taught to believe. You might even be thinking about going back to your abuser the moment it all gets a bit quieter. But, no.

He hurt you. He made you feel lonely and abandoned. He made you blind. It wasn’t love.

Love should be caring and kind. What you’ve experienced wasn’t love. For some time now, all of you (or some part of you) might be in love with that person, but be aware that he’s unsafe and unlovable.

2. It wasn’t your fault

Le vittime di abusi tendono a pensare di meritare il dolore che è stato loro inflitto.

Come se fosse colpa loro se sono disobbedienti o troppo appiccicosi o bisognosi. Dovete sapere che quelle si dice che le bugie servano a manipolare l'utente. It’s not your fault.

3. You couldn’t fix him

I know that you might be thinking that if you had stayed long enough, you could’ve fixed him.

He might have been telling you that if you stayed long enough, you would’ve changed him for the better. I bet he even told you that love could heal him, right? You shouldn’t be believing those things.

I know that he made it quite convincing, but as much as you tried, you simply can’t fix him, as much as you tried. So accept it and stop dwelling on it. He doesn’t deserve it.

4. È stato un abuso

Stop living in denial! It WAS abuse! To try and find ways to justify his behavior won’t help anyone.

Quale motivo avrebbe potuto avere per farti tutto questo? Smettete di negarlo.

He hit you because he wanted to. He told you you’re worthless because he wanted to. He didn’t just do it to teach you something valuable but to make you obedient and to turn you into his little punching bag.

So, one more time, stop justifying his behavior and finally realize that you’ve been a victim this whole time!

5. Il recupero richiederà parecchio tempo

It can’t happen overnight. You need to know that you don’t need to recover from it right away and you can’t even if you wanted to.

Prendetela con calma.

Take your time to properly find love and respect for yourself because you won’t be able to truly love ever again if you don’t give yourself the right treatment – which is time.

6. Non sarete mai più gli stessi

You are changed, forever. No one can fully heal and that’s what’s the worst thing about abuse!

Le ferite possono guarire, ma le cicatrici restano. Non sarete mai più la stessa persona che eravate. Vi tirerete indietro ogni volta che qualcuno vi sgriderà.

You will start every sentence with ‘I’m sorry’ and you will fear that it’ll happen again. You won’t be able to fully trust anyone.

7. It’s not the end

Just because you’re living with le conseguenze dell'abuso doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your life.

You will carry the burden with you, but you will be fine! You escaped something that people get stuck in for the rest of their lives. You had the strength to leave and that’s what makes you so amazing.

Don’t think that it’s the end. You will be loved again and even if you don’t fully recover, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be OK. Just keep on fighting. You can do this!