Amarti è stata una montagna russa emotiva da cui avevo bisogno di scendere

In all the years I loved you, I can’t recall a single day where I had a peace of mind. A single day where my heart didn’t feel like it was about to jump out of my body and my mind going berserk from the emotional instability that had plagued us.

In tutti gli anni in cui ci siamo amati, la stabilità e la sicurezza erano le cose più lontane da ciò che si provava a essere legati a te e al tuo amore.

I often asked myself if that was it for me. If that was what love was supposed to be like, because at the time I really didn’t know any better. All I had were the ideas in my head of a romance that would sweep me off my feet and make me feel like I could fly if I wanted to…

But reality was nothing like that. It was hard. Real life was something completely different and now I can’t help but wonder… was it my youth and inexperience that fooled me into thinking we could actually keep going that way or was I just a sucker for love?

Sei stato il mio primo amore vero and you will forever be engraved in my memory. You will forever be one of the crucial pieces of the puzzle I needed to feel whole… and as volatile as we were, it was real. We were the real deal.

I remember the beginnings of our love story… I was just a girl with a head full of ideals… who was so adamant she would find her Mr. Right and live her happily ever after, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

You were a rebel who wasn’t exactly in touch with his emotions but you fell for me, faster than you will ever admit, and our lives became intertwined so quickly and so strongly that it took us both by storm.

Nessuno dei due era pronto per quello che sarebbe successo dopo.

It didn’t take us long to become completely, utterly addicted to each other. You were like the air I had been missing my whole life and meeting you made me finally breathe.

Ero come una droga per te. Una droga che desideravi disperatamente smettere di assumere, ma più ne assaggiavi, più ne eri attratto e più ne diventavi dipendente.

I don’t know if we were aware of it at the time but we spent an upsetting amount of time with each other. I remember waking up and the first thing on my mind was you. If I went a day without you, it physically hurt… and I wasn’t strong enough to take it.

Avevo bisogno di stare con te. Avevo bisogno di sentire la tua presenza accanto a me per sentirmi me stesso. Tu eri la mia dipendenza, così come io ero la tua. Non c'era io senza di te e viceversa.

I finally realized how seriously disturbing this thing we had was becoming… and I finally tried to break away, just for a little bit, to feel if the air without you felt the same.

I needed to know if I was able to be myself without feeling your breath next to mine. I knew that the mad love I felt for you was ruining me on the inside. I didn’t want to escape it… but I knew I needed to.

I know you loved me. I know how much you cared. But what you never realized was how possessive you became. You couldn’t deal with me having a life outside of us. You couldn’t help but accuse me of being unfaithful if I decided to have a few hours to myself.

You loved me… but it was too much. I tried to show you how unstable we were becoming but you wouldn’t listen. You wanted me all to yourself and the thought of me not being there made you act like the man I didn’t realize you were.

Più passava il tempo, più mi rendevo conto di quanto fossimo sbagliati l'uno per l'altra.

L'amore doveva essere così instabile e turbolento? Era normale essere così dipendenti dal proprio partner da dimenticare il mondo esterno?

I didn’t know that loving someone could hurt so profoundly. At times, it was the easiest thing in the world… and other times, I felt like my soul was on fire and I was about to explode.

I don’t know why you couldn’t let me find myself before being able to see if we were salvageable. I still don’t know if I was the one to blame, with my foolish hopes and dreams, rushing into it like it was about to disappear into thin air…

Sometimes, I catch myself reminiscing about us. I can’t help but wonder, if we had just been a few years older and a little bit wiser, could we have figured it out?

Would you still be the man who couldn’t bear letting me out of his sight, always firmly holding onto me, making me feel like nothing existed but us… or would you be mature enough to realize that we both needed time to breathe individually, before giving it a real shot?

E sarei abbastanza intelligente da non buttarmi in una relazione che era destinata a fallire fin dall'inizio, semplicemente perché speravo senza motivo che il primo uomo per cui provavo questa folle quantità di amore si sarebbe rivelato essere il mio Mr. Right?

Ti ho amato davvero più di quanto pensassi fosse possibile. Vorrei solo che ci fossimo incontrati in un momento in cui entrambi eravamo più maturi e più attrezzati per affrontare un amore così totalizzante.

I managed to get off this emotional roller coaster but I will never forget about the ride it took me on. It may have been all kinds of wrong… but it was as real as it gets.